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Guantanamo detainees
JP Morgan Chase Board of Directors enjoy a corporate retreat. (Shane T. McCoy, U.S. Navy/Wikimedia Commons)
If there's one thing we've learned about Wall Street crimes, it's that they're difficult to nail down with certainty and get convictions on. The defendants have access to the highest-priced, fanciest defense lawyers and bottomless PR resources. The law makes it difficult and sometimes impossible to tell with certainty the difference between conscious fraud and merely poor "business judgment." And, of course, there's an entire major political party and theory of governance that says it's not only perfectly legitimate for the wealthy to be able to smash and grab whatever cash and assets they can get their hands on, but that it's something actually ordained by God.

But those worries will all be behind us now, once it becomes legal to indefinitely imprison American citizens without charge or trial. Huzzah!

Just think of it! With the right paperwork filed, all those banksters you thought you could just never nail could be rounded up and thrown in the slammer. And you'd never even have to worry about "evidence" or any of that other junk, because there's no trial involved! And who cares if what they've done isn't exactly a crime? Because you don't need a charge, either! What would be the point, anyway? Why charge a person you're not going to try?

I asked noted blowjob mentioner Marcy Wheeler about this sort of scenario, and though she thought the application might in fact be narrower than I imagined, she nonetheless came up with a legitimate plan for indefinitely detaining JP Morgan Chase President Jamie Dimon. That'd be a fine thing, given that it was JP Morgan behind this other stink-ass stunt that pissed me off recently, even though it's something we've known about for a very long time, apparently. Which actually only means I'm even more annoyed that some of the local officials involved in this nonsense are in jail for taking the bribes, but the Wall Street types who offered them are free and doubtless enjoying bonuses.

Why aren't those who paid the bribes behind bars? Who knows? And more importantly, who cares? Now that all that stands between the right kind of rotten jerk and a lifetime rotting in prison is a little fancy footwork, there's no reason in the world that people we're really, really, really sure totally suck—a lot—shouldn't be rounded up and carted off to the hoosegow. The president—any president—need only look Congress in the eye and say the bum is a terrorist, and that's that. And really, who's to say who's a terrorist and who isn't, these days? Let's just say the evidence is a "state secret" and leave it at that, shall we? The point is, the guy is pissing the president off. Or pissing off someone the president—again, any president—would prefer was in a better mood.

If this is starting to sound like a bad idea to you, then you're getting the idea that maybe there's a larger problem here.

But if not, then that's great! Our bankster problems are over! The president's hands are at last untied in these matters. Hallelujah!

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