For the last months, I've been, at times, rather insufferable. I did nothing but complain about my PhD exams, which I completed the week before Thanksgiving. Because I waited until the last possible minute this semester to take these exams, I had to wait nearly a month to learn the results. And last week I did. I passed. But this dairy isn't about that. It's about the wonderful community here that has supported me.
For months, I did little more than obsess about this exam. Everything revolved around my study schedule. Nothing else mattered. And my friends here at Daily Kos showed me unconditional love and support, especially my crew at Team DFH. joanneleon and I primarily share the responsibility for the daily What's Happenin'? morning diary for Team DFH. For the last several months, she has let me set the publication schedule to accommodate my study needs. I choose what works for me and she takes care of everything else. Every morning, I had plenty of reminders that I probably should get back to my books (gooderservice) and that Daily Kos would still be here when I was done studying. My friends encouraged and supported me, sending me good vibes and virtual hugs.
I can't tell you what all of this love and support really means to me. I grew up gay in a very intolerant small town and spend my teen years and even early adulthood hiding from people and being afraid. The unconditional love and support I've received here is a great contrast to the life I had in my early years.
I'm much older now and I live and work in a wonderful and tolerant community. Still, as many scholars will tell you, academia. Your work is picked apart and criticized (as it should be). But there is very little positive reinforcement. Mostly people telling you what you are doing wrong and how you should do it better. The peer review process for publishing a journal article is not for the thin-skinned. It is easy to feel worthless and hopeless after reading harsh reviews on a manuscript that you spent months or years preparing.
To be honest, I've felt very beaten down lately. Aside from the positive reviews on my exams, its been a stream of "this isn't good enough", "why didn't you do this", and "your ideas don't make any sense even if they are supported by data". This negative feedback on my writing has left me considering career options outside the academy. And then last week, another amazing thing happened. A member of our community gave me a lifetime subscription. For as much as I've felt beaten down by the peer review process these last months, for someone to say that what I've written here merits such an honor means so very much to me. That validation--I appreciate you and want you to continue your work--was an amazing gift at a moment when I really needed it.
I understand that there are those who do not see this subscription drive as worthwhile. A few, perhaps, feel that this is doing little more than lining Markos's pocket. But I don't see this merely as giving money to a blog. When I come to Daily Kos, I don't see a website. I see a community, a community that does wonderful things. How many times has this community risen up to offer love, support, advice, or even financial assistance to a Kossack, or even a total stranger, in need? We have an entire diary series devoted to honoring members of the military who've lost their lives in war. Look at the long list of individuals--Kossacks and friends/family of Kossacks--who've received a community quilt. This is not the work of a blog. Its the work of a community. And I believe that this community is worth the investment.
This is a frightening time for our country. The progress that the Obama administration made during the first two years can easily be reversed if the GOP takes control of DC next year. Granted, there are divisions within our community, but we can all agree that we want better health care and education, a smaller gap between the 1% and the 99%, and peace. In my view, any effort to build and strengthen the community, despite our underlying differences of opinion, can help advance the policy goals that drew us here in the first place.
So, to my donor, whom I've already thanked privately and has asked that I not identify publicly, thank you again for this honor. And thank you for your efforts in helping to build this community. I hope that my efforts hear are worthy of the honor you've bestowed upon me. I will find a way to pay it forward.
Happy Holidays to all.
And please, my friends call me Andrew.