Hello, and welcome to the UWAJCD -- The Upper West Fifth Annual Jewish Christmas [Night] Diary, in which each December 24 [or 25], we Torah folk huddle around a handsome piece of driftwood,* rest after a grueling war on Christmas, and review the year for Yids.
First, the year's big news (at least in my family): Harry Potter (a/k/a Daniel Radcliffe) is Jewish, as numerous commentaries (such as this one on Harry Potter and the Kabbalah) predicted all along.
Second, an apology for the fans of the Upper West First through Fourth Annual Christmas Eve Diaries (I know there are at least two of you), who sat vainly by the computer last night waiting for the Diary to appear. I was out seeing Mission Impossible: IV and then having sushi at Amber -- an Asian Fusion Restaurant on Columbus Ave. (Time to branch out from just Chinese to Pan-Asian on Christmas, am I right?)
But we Jews know a tradition must continue, even if a day late. To review the ghosts of Jewish Christmas diaries past:
In 2007 we ranted about how right wing Jewish groups like AIPAC et al. were hijacking Jewish opinion and making unholy alliances with the worst of the Christian right.
In 2008 we were shocked at what a despicable shande Bernie Madoff was for the rest of us, and recounted the best Jewish joke of all time, about the time Yeshiva played Notre Dame in football.
In 2009 we celebrated Barack Obama's first year and Madoff's new orange jumpsuit wardrobe.
In 2010 we hypothesized that Barack Obama must be Jewish because only Jews are attacked as both capitalist tools and commies at the same time. We also celebrated the surprising Jewish heritage of rapper Drake and singer Pink. (Some were unimpressed by the latter, saying So What?)
And now, the 2011 (5772) UWAJCD Awards (a/k/a The Zabars.)
Shmendrik of the Year:
No contest. Eric Cantor. As I wrote in an open letter to his mother last year, "What is he doing hanging out with such a disreputable bunch of goniffs?" I received no response from his mom, and he has only gotten worse, as the de facto leader of a group of lunatic Dickensian villains, a/k/a the House of Representatives. Eric, the Torah does not teach us to hold disaster aid hostage to to spending cuts.
Runner-up. Sadly, Anthony Weiner, if only for forcing us to defend him until he came 'clean,' not to mention being replaced in his district by a teabagger. (Caveat -- Weiner's fall was all the more painful because he was such an effective and aggressive liberal spokesman. I hope after requisite penance, he rehabilitates himself somewhat, as Spitzer seems to have done.)
Mensch of the Year:
A tougher call. Let's call it a tie between Bernie Sanders and Paul Krugman.
For Gevurah, omets (Bravery)
Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (h/t Absolom2 in the comments)
Narishkayt of the Year
Israeli Division Israel's Ad campaign aimed to persuade Israelis living in the United States to return home by suggesting that living among Americans is a "sad and lonely experience." Pulled immediately.
American Division: Billboard for Wodka saying "Christmas quality, Hanukkah pricing." Pulled immediately.
GOP Campaign Division: Rick Perry's Instant Execrable Video Classic, Strong:
"There's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school."
But it did give birth to many hilarious parodies: Here are ten.
Please let me know your nominations and winners for this year's Zabar awards in the comments.
And a shout out to other Jewish Christmas diarists, Mets102, BF Skinner, and Brasch.
Finally, I have decided, that as a good Jewish son, I should post my Kos Diary tributes to my late parents in this annual diary, so here's to you, Mom and Dad.
**
* Every year, my mother, a devout Jewish Ethical Culturalist, decorated a nice piece of driftwood she got from the beach from our house in Rockaway Beach when I was a kid. She died 94 in 2010, after a life filled with dance, beauty, music and love.