Yesterday was a rough day. I'm going through a divorce and I've been a stay at home mom for a long time. I'm working to get my massage business going, but I'm prone to moments of paralyzing self-doubt. I am your classic one step forward two steps back sort of person.
I've been around these parts for a long time now. I love this place. A large part of my skill in persuasive political discourse was formed right here. But I have never felt comfortable spending the money to be a subscriber. It always seemed like I could better spend that money somewhere else.
Still, when I read that lifetime subscriptions were going away I decided I was going to get one. I had myself all talked into it, why I deserved it and why it would be good to contribute to the site expansion. Except that I kept putting it off day by day.
And then yesterday rolled around. I spent the first half of the day fighting with my co-divorcer. I spent the next part of the day being a cranky jerk to the kids and everyone else anywhere near me. I got discouraged and told myself that I wasn't going to subscribe because there were too many other things I needed to spend that money on. Responsibilities. By bedtime the kids were looking at me so reproachfully that I finally slowed down enough to realize I needed to talk to them and apologize. I asked them to come sit down with me and while I was waiting for them I checked my email.
To my complete surprise, I had an email from firstname.lastname@example.org saying that one of you wonderful people paid for a lifetime subscription! I never said anything to anyone about wanting one!
You know when your kids are little and you aren't getting enough sleep and you are in the grocery store and the toddlers start bickering and you lose it and say some cranky thing and a stranger (usually a grandmother type) steps in says something warm and nice and you remember you are dealing with tiny people who own your heart and you take a breath and act better? It was like that, Kossaks. One of you guys gave me that very nice reminder that we are all in this together. Dudes. I'm crying now, but they are happy tears.
So thank you anonymous benefactor, thank you so very much. You gave me the feeling of community and support.