I have no instinct for babies or small children. Or big children, for that matter. I watch my husband interact with babies naturally, with great joy, and they are fascinated by him, too. It seems I can't learn this talent, his ability to conversationally mimic them and encourage them to mimic him. For me, the easiest thing to do with babies is ignore them. Almost always someone else is willing, even eager, to hold a baby, so I rarely need to.
Before my own baby was born 23 years ago, though, I realized this strategy would not work very well. As a rather earnest, analytical person, I set out to learn what I could about taking care of babies. At the time we lived with no family around, no friends who were having babies, no one to teach me. My education, prior to my son's birth, came from books.
I bought several, some new and some used. One was by Dr. Brazelton, one by Dr. Spock, and there were various others. Virtually all of them focused on logistics: how and when to feed, change, put a baby to bed, and so forth. Other main topics were markers of development, especially physical changes like first teeth, age ranges for reaching, crawling, walking, and so on. There was very little concerning the mental development of a child.
The book that "changed my life," that helped me understand how babies and small children think, that helped me actively parent my son, was How Children Learn by John Holt. This was the book that considered mental growth rather than physical.
This book has been published in two editions, once in 1967 and revised in 1983. I owned the earlier version. The newer version is the same, except it inserts some asides that give additional examples, clarifications, or note the author's then current opinion on the topic discussed.
In order to write this review, I am re-reading the book, this time in the 1983 edition. Though I read it in the first place to "learn" about babies, I find now that the text is as much about creativity as it is about learning processes, and perhaps this is why it stuck with me all these years. As such, it is helping to cement for me some of my ideas about creativity.
In Holt's view, learning is a natural process for children, but one easily impeded by adults' best intentions. Quizzing, correcting, pressuring, all intimidate children, often leading them to abandon attempts and submit to failure. He provides numerous anecdotes of children, from toddlers through about age six, showing both their successes and failures. Some of these stories are purely observational, while others describe how he interceded, for better or for worse.
For example, one small girl named Lisa is featured in many anecdotes.
One morning at breakfast she began to say, "Pass the sugar. Pass the pepper. Pass the toast. Pass the jam." At first, we passed them along. I noticed after a while that she did not use them. Often she had no use for them; what she asked for had nothing to do with what was on her plate. She would ask for milk when she already had some, or for sugar when there was nothing to put it on. Why was she asking for these things?
He proposes that she was experimenting, watching carefully to see what was passed when she asked, helping her to more concretely identify what names went to what items.
With his many stories of success and failures, it is clear that there are a number of behaviors, primarily adult behaviors, that impede a child's success. Fear, in particular, smashes both the motivation to learn and learning itself. Fear comes from an environment, however subtle, of criticism, including tone of voice and confrontation. Other elements are competition and general insecurity. Obviously, children's temperaments differ, so they will react somewhat differently to the ways parents and teachers either encourage or discourage them.
Note the word "courage" within both words above. Courage is key to learning. Confidence in one's own ability, the lack of fear, to name, sort, categorize, and know new things, is a large determinant in a child's success.
Holt, especially in the revised edition, proposes that constant quizzing and corrections, rather than helping a child learn new concepts, rather impedes that by creating an environment of fear, of potential failure. Play, experimentation, time, all allow a child the freedom to learn what they need to move them forward in mental development.
One aspect of the book, which in fact Holt does not emphasize, is one that impacted me most in my thinking about my son's learning. Holt says
...we do things backwards. We think in terms of getting a skill first, and then find useful and interesting things to do with it. The sensible way, the best way, is to start with something worth doing, and then, moved by a strong desire to do it, get whatever skills are needed.
In other words, be patient. Wait until the child needs the skill, and then create a fear-free environment in which the child can learn it. We all know how hard it is for many people to learn math. Even in high school algebra, it is often heard "I'll never use any of this math. Why should I learn it?" It is true most of us don't truly learn math until we need to use it, but it's also true of other subjects and endeavors. I learn a new quilting skill successfully when I learn it specifically for use, rather than spending time on skills that are interesting but not useful to me.
As mentioned above, I think one reason this book stuck with me, was a book that changed my life, was not only because it helped me parent more effectively, but also because it helped me think about learning more generally. Over the last few years, I've thought more about creativity, as well, and find that the same principles apply. Fear impedes creativity, just as effectively as it impedes learning.
When we are unafraid, at whatever age, when there is no "failure," we can learn spontaneously and with joy. Watch this example of Bobby McFerrin leading an audience through music on the pentatonic scale. They are not afraid, and they learn through play, much to their delight and surprise.
I thought it might be interesting to conclude with one of the TED talks. The video below is Sir Ken Robinson discussing how schools kill creativity. Instead, recognition of each child's skills, and the time to develop those without fear, provides the opportunity for growth.