GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting (or want to support quitters), please - join us! We kindly ask that politics be left out.
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A message to all quitters: you don't have to avoid GUS if your latest attempt to quit didn't work out. We won't give you a bad time and we consider the attempted quits as "practice" for the real quit.
As a society, we tend to embrace (or at least accept) the extreme in recent years: increasingly polarized political parties and income disparity, a climate beginning to swing wildly out of balance, crazy economic and real estate bubbles leaving people in massive, overpriced McMansions, unable to pay the minimum balances on their high interest rate credit cards, and chowing down on super-sized Dollar Menu items, Big Gulps and mass-produced, high-calorie snacks while they surf through a gazillion digital, satellite and broadband entertainment options.
We apply this "more is better" thinking so often we cease to even question it. Why go for "just okay" when you can get "fabulous" for just a few dollars more? Why take the base model when you can upgrade at the click of a mouse?
If "perfect" is a possibility, why would you settle for "good enough"?
Unfortunately, we apply the same kind of thinking to our self-improvement efforts too. We go on fad diets so restrictive that they eventually leave us hungry enough to eat a whole cow by ourselves, erasing the calories we've skipped and then some. Extreme exercise regimens that leave us in so much pain we can't move by day three--even if we were remotely interested in continuing that fiasco, which we aren't.
Not to mention all those Adventures in Cold Turkey that have us going from two packs a day to full-on nicotine withdrawal within hours, ready to bite the head off the next person who looks at us funny.
Is it any wonder these efforts are usually doomed from the outset?
Extreme hopes are born from extreme misery.
Bertrand Russell
I'm convinced that one reason for this all-or-nothing approach is pure desperation: we are miserable enough to try anything--or rather, try EVERYTHING--to change the way we're living, or alter those behaviors that are negatively impacting our lives. If a little of something is good, more of it must be better, right?
Well, no. Not really.
But try to tell an addict that. It's not the way many of us are wired, to go by half measures. Too often, we approach our attempts at behavior modification with the same extreme thinking that fuels our excesses.
We tackle too much at the outset.
We set unrealistic, if not unattainable goals.
We want results yesterday, if not sooner.
And, when our attempt to wrestle with our respective addictive or behavioral demon is less than 100% successful, we come down on ourselves hard. We're our own worst critics, second-guessing every decision we made.
We assume that anything less than perfection is a big pile of shit. We practically run with open arms to embrace the self-critical inner voice that tells us we suck, and that it's not even worth trying to do this, because the FAIL is so epic.
They say that perfect is the enemy of the good, and when it comes to behavior modification and addiction, I'm inclined to agree. I'm a proponent of harm reduction, and of minimizing the unproductive self-critical shame cycles so many of us spend time mired in. I wish it were easier to internalize the idea that if we don't succeed at something, it's not because we suck or will never succeed, but rather that the way we're approaching change isn't quite right for us or our particular set of circumstances, and needs to be modified and attempted again (and again, and again), until we DO succeed.
Because that is something that most successful quitters have in common: they kept at it, even after numerous slips and backslides and half-hearted attempts to quit or change came up short. They kept trying, altering their approach in ways small and large, until they hit on the right formula for their particular situation.
There are so many variables, after all: environment, finances, social supports, severity of addiction, negative conditioning, concurrent illnesses both physical and psychological, opportunity, readiness to change, resilience factors, existing coping skills, among others, that there is no one correct way to do this. Each of us has to find our own way, and that can be a process of trial and, yes, error.
For some--a very few--the answer might be that extreme, all or nothing, pass/fail approach. For most of us, the reality is something more complicated. Most of us probably shouldn't take that high-octane, X-Games approach to behavior modification. A stroll down the middle path, with a generous helping of support and forgiveness (of ourselves, especially) might be the way to enact lasting change.
Who's your buddy?
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Has your life been affected by smoking or smokers in your life?
Feel like providing a supportive place for quitters and would-be quitters to hang out?
If so, we would love to have you write a GUS diary or host an open thread! Please sign up in the Butt Can (Tip Jar), and name the day and time that works for you (AM, PM, late-night, early-bird, lunchtime, whatever...)
Diarists in regularly-scheduled time slots are listed in bold.
Up this week:
Mon PM: Vacationland (You Are Here)
Tue AM: Open
Tue PM: Open (Looking for new hosts!)
Wed AM: Open
Wed PM: FrugalGranny
Thu AM: Open
Thu PM: Dave in AZ
Fri AM: flumptytail's always festive Friday AM thread
Fri PM: anodnhajo
Sat AM: effervescent (bring your yoga mat)
Sat PM: Open
Sun AM: Safina
Sun PM: Open
Mon AM: Open
Taking a break:
aoeu, perhaps back soon with a weekly slot on The Get?
anodnhajo/dan - hope to see you on the regular roster again soon! :-)
Help!! As you can see, we still have a bunch of open slots on the schedule, and we especially need some help on Tuesdays. If you can spare a few hours, please consider hosting! Not sure where to start? Go here to find out how to write a GUS diary the easy way, or just ask for help in the Butt Can (Tip Jar). Seriously, it doesn't have to include specific elements or require all sorts of fabulous diary formatting skills. The regulars will make sure stuff gets carried over from diary to diary, so if you want to just tell your story and host for a few hours, that's cool too.