A disgusted, appalled female news anchor, trying to hold back signs of glee for her ace reporting, stares into the camera:
"This just in. In a chilling break with convention, President Barack Obama has been heard by some sources to be a man who steadfastly refuses to floss. This cavalier attitude towards his gums is yet another example of recklessness that America should be wary of."
Her co-host momentarily forgets his mandated bias and somehow lets out truthful analysis of this story.
"This might not be bad news for the president, though," he interjected. "It could refute the label of 'elitist' and favorably connect with the Republican base, establishing a comradeship in tooth decay."