Do you still believe in "American Exceptionalism"? You know, that self-congratulating, masturbatory, loved-by-conservatives theory fantasy that claims the United States is innately better than every other nation that is now, or ever was, or ever will be? That this country is unique in all of world history in both origin and execution, and therefore destined to lead for the rest of eternity, admired and envied by the planet's oh-so-jealous billions unfortunate enough to have been born outside our borders?
You do? Really?
Then it's time for a reality check. Or, better yet, 25 of them. I present to you the following randomly-chosen examples of our stellar douchebaggery:
Slavery.
Exceptional!
- Slavery: Torn from their families, denied education, shackled, imprisoned, branded, overworked, whipped, beaten, burnt, mutilated, hanged, raped, and executed. But on the plus side: lower tobacco prices.
- The Civil War: 625,000 dead and 410,000 wounded, all because one side really wanted to keep their slaves. Exceptional!
- The Dred Scott Decision: Over the years, our esteemed Supreme Court has ruled that a) people from Africa aren't really people, but b) corporations are.
- Salem witch trials: Religious fervor run amok. Became a habit soon after.
- Organized crime: We've got more members of the Italian Mafia than Italy has, more members of the Mexican Mafia than Mexico has, more members of the Irish Mob than Ireland hasâ
- The Scopes Monkey Trial: Some Americans really hated science back in the 1920s. It's depressing how some things never change.
- The Great Depression: As it turned out, it wasn't to be the last time financial fuckery in the United States would threaten to undo the entire global economy.
- Internment camps: Hey, they all look the same; what else were we to do?
- The atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki: We're still the only nation to have used thermonuclear weapons in war. I suppose that qualifies as "exceptional".
- The Vietnam War: Hundreds of thousands of dead Vietnamese, Americans, Koreans, Australians, Laotians, etc., all to prevent the spread of terrorism. Oh, wait, wrong ginned-up conflict; I mean, to stop the spread of communism. Or something.
- The 2003 invasion of Iraq: Many tens of thousands dead and hundreds of billions of dollars flushed away because the Iraqis were building weapons of mass destruction. (But not really. Psyche!)
- McCarthyism: Senator Joe knew then what everyone knows now: we liberals really are nothing but dirty commies.
- The "War on Drugs": Sure, it's cost hundreds of billions in tax dollars, created a permanent underclass, enriched drug cartels, pushed the U.S. towards a police state, resulted in the violent deaths of thousands, led to the incarceration of millions of non-violent Americans, destroyed families, redirected police and military resources away from real security issues, and built an enormously powerful and profitable black market. But it's obviously working; there hasn't been a single American with a substance abuse problem in decades.
- Swollen prison populations: The United States has by far the highest documented incarceration rate in the world, beating out #2âthat bastion of human rights, Rwandaâby nearly 25%. The only nations with fewer people locked up per capita areâwell, all of them.
- Support of dictators: They may be murderous, tyrannical egomaniacsâbut they're our murderous, tyrannical egomaniacs, so hands off.
- The "Trail of Tears": Well, we needed the land more than they did, so...
- The Sand Creek Massacre: Just a minor communications mix-up. Whoopsie.
- The Camp Grant Massacre: Yes, okay, 136 Apache women and children were murdered, but to be fair, it was for that noblest of causes, profit.
THIS IS A BLOCKQUOTE
- The My Lai Massacre: Takeaway: it's ever so much easier when they can't shoot back.
- Abu Ghraib prionser abuse: Oh, it was just a little kidding around. Lighten up, Francis.
- Sanctioned torture: Remember, though: things like waterboarding are only torture if the people we deem "bad guys" do it. We Americans don't torture; we engage in "enhanced interrogation techniques".
- Childhood poverty and hunger: A higher percentage of American kids go hungry than they do in places like Hungary, the Czech Republic, and Turkey. Then again, Mexico's children are worse off than ours are, so there's that.
- Consistently high murder rates: Okay, so your chances of being killed here are higher than they are in Yemen, Libya, Bangladesh, or Azerbaijanâbut they're not as high as they are in Pakistan or Colombia, so let's all show some pride and chant! "We're #43 out of 124! We're #43 out of 124! We're #43 out of 124!"
- Unaffordable and inadequate health care: No, it's not the best. But it costs the most, so that counts for something, right?
- Massive income inequality: The U.S. is right there with Nepal and Uganda, Colombia and Ghana. Now, doesn't that make you feel all tingly inside?
Abu Ghraib.
Exceptional!
I could go on; we "exceptional" Americans have engaged in, or are currently engaging in, enough unexceptional fucknuttery to fill many diaries. But there'd be no point, really. If Mr. or Mrs. Steadfast Believer In American Exceptionalism doesn't get it by now, they likely never will.
To be fair, surely the citizens of almost any nation think themselves superior to the citizens of most others, or at least no worse; it would make for a pretty pathetic populace that didn't have at least that modicum of self-esteem. And there's nothing wrong with national pride. But while having a healthy sense of self-worth is one thing, thinking destiny ordained you the best, made you invincible, and gave you the right to do whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want and wherever the hell you want is something else entirely. Just ask anyone who's ever gotten his ass kicked in a bar fight.
The Great Depression
Exceptional!
As President Obama once
pointed out to the totally bullshit indignation of conservatives (who, let's face it, are always full of bullshit indignation over one perceived liberal slight or another), the people of most countries feel about themselves more or less as we Americans feel about ourselves. Or they have at one time or another just before fate smacked them back into the real world. Germany had its
Sonderweg; France its
la mission civilisatrice; Portugal its
missão civilizadora; Britain its "white man's burden". And so on. Such thoughts may be great for cheerleading the people and raising national morale, but when ingrained ino the political process to the exclusion of other things like ethics and morality, they
almost always result in imperialistic overreach, and eventually, a very hard and very painful fall.
I say all this not to insult America; I love my country, and would still rather live here than almost anywhere else in the world. I say it, rather, for the same reason a recovering alcoholic or addict has to take a "searching and fearless" moral inventory of the bad things they've done: acknowledgement of one's errors and flaws is the first step toward getting better.