Thou shalt have an inexplicable, illogical fear of homosexuals, but in a sane and healthy way.
And also, thou shouldn't think very highly of Mormons either.
In some parts of the world—the parts that live in the 21st century—being homophobic isn't exactly something to brag about.
But for evangelicals in South Carolina, which is apparently stuck somewhere in the about-to-discover-fire age, not only are they proud of their homophobia—and yes, that's the word they use—but they're calling on Mitt Romney to stop being such a homo-lover and embrace the hate.
Via TPM, check out this emailed press release from Rev. Huey Mills, pastor of Fellowship Bible Church, denouncing Romney's "homophilia":
"In obedience to the Judeo-Christian Scriptures, most South Carolinans and I have a sane and healthy homophobia, while Mitt Romney has a very bad case of homophilia; the man very clearly endorses dangerous, unhealthy homosexual conduct. Romney actually proclaimed gay youth pride days as governor of Massachusetts."
This is how backward-thinking (yes, I use "thinking" quite loosely here) these Bible-thumpers are. They think their homophobia is "sane and healthy." Let's just have a quick review of what a phobia is:
PHOBIA: an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation
So, for those who need it spelled out for them (like, say, Rev. Mills and "most South Carolinans"), homophobia is an "illogical" fear of homosexuals and cannot, by definition, be sane or healthy.
But it gets better worse:
The Word of Almighty God, from the Books of Moses to those of the Apostle Paul, commands faithful Jews and Christians to be homophobic.
Um, no. Look, I may not have read the entire Bible, but I've seen Charlton Heston's The Ten Commandments, and I'm pretty certain those tablets God gave to Moses did not include: Thou shalt have an inexplicable, illogical fear of homosexuals, but in a sane and healthy way.
The good reverend goes on to rehash some stuff the rest of us already know about Mitt Romney's position on gay rights back in the '90s because apparently, he's just discovered that Mitt's a flip-flopper on gay rights issues (and everything else). And he offers this wise and Christian conclusion:
That Yankee is hopelessly left-wing on homosexuality.
Of course, what the reverend is really suggesting is that the "Yankee" isn't a real Christian because of that whole Mormon thing, which he never explicitly says because apparently, you can blatantly trash homosexuals, but it's impolite to blatantly trash Mormons, but that's why God and Moses invented dog whistles. A Mormon could not possibly understand that the "Judeo-Christian Scriptures" (read: not that magic underwear-wearing Joseph Smith work of fiction) command all "faithful Jews and Christians" (read: not Mormons "Yankees") to be homophobic. Praise the lord.
So, which Republican presidential candidate is suitably homophobic and Scripture-reading for the God-fearing homophobes of South Carolina?
Because Rick Santorum was willing to sign this wonderful Iowa [marriage] vow last summer while Romney was calling for more gay hiring and other silly liberal things that Massachusetts RINOs embrace, I'd say Senator Santorum has proven himself a courageous Catholic Christian whom any Bible-believing Jew, Protestant or evangelical can support.
Of course. Rick Santorum: first choice of proud "sane and healthy" homophobes.