Mitt Romney, fighting back against a flurry of condemnation of his sheltering millions of dollars in the Cayman Islands, says the dollars involved had to be sent overseas, in order to protect them from "job aborters" in this country.
"As a job creator," Romney said, "I have made it my personal mission to keep these job fetuses safe from those who would cruelly destroy them before they are allowed to take even one breath of free air in the United States of America."
Millions and millions of jobs are killed by the tax code in this country, Romney pointed out, making the IRS the biggest mass murderer in history. (Last week, Romney himself was accused by presidential hopeful Stephen Colbert of killing and dismembering several people - known to many as "corporations" - and thus of being a serial killer.)
"All I'm doing is what any true pro-job conservative would do," Romney said: "taking whatever steps are necessary to keep these precious jobs from being gruesomely thrown away by people intent on undermining the fundamental values that have made our country great."
One source reports that Romney may be protecting up to 33 million unborn jobs in the Cayman Islands.
"I'm basically in the job-creating hall of fame," Romney said, "the Oskar Schindler of unborn jobs."