What if I told you that you can make fantastic homemade dumplings in less time than it takes a stock pot full of salted water to come to a boil? It's true. I am fairly handy in the kitchen, but there are many mountains I've never reached the peak of. Homemade noodles? After a couple of abortive attempts, I tucked my tail between my legs and slinked away. Forget about some of the Italian standards...ravioli, or fresh linguine. It's just too much work, and requires pricey kitchen machinery.
Leave it to the Germans, though, to apply engineering in a way that makes good, homemade dumplings both easy and accessible to the multitudes. You can do this...I promise. And once you try it, you'll slap yourself on the forehead and ask "What took me so long."
I'm talking about spaetzle, the small German dumplings that you either grew up with if you come from a long line of German stock, as I did, or tasted and loved them on those rarest of times when you had the hankering for going out to dinner, and said..."I know!! Let's go out for German food tonight!" Unless you live in a handful of cities, "going out for German food" can be an underwhelming experience, not to be repeated more than three times in any given decade. But, if you live in the right city, it's more than a viable option.
Spaetzle is a common side dish in German cuisine, but it's also an amazingly versatile little dumpling, and for those of you who are prone to say "I could never make dumplings at home", I'm here to tell you.
"Yes We Can."
And once you master this amazingly simple technique, you'll be a kitchen rock star.
The alchemy of flour and water
If bread is the perfect marriage between flour, salt, water and yeast, then dumplings are the perfect marriage of flour, salt, eggs and water (or milk). Simple ingredients which, combined, yield fantastic results. These are the things that everyone had at their disposal, from time immemorial.
Putting them together, in just the right, proportion...and knowing what to do with them...this is the building block of cooking. Anyone can skewer meat and roast it. Most can fry or saute. Or braise and grill. Even baking is, still, fairly widespread knowledge. But dumplings? They fall into some sort of netherland. They aren't baked, nor fried...nor do they lend themselves to mass production. I've never seen dumplings at the grocery store, unless you count gnocchi. We've all, or almost all of us, eaten them at one time or another...but they seem doomed to extinction sooner or later.
I'm here to stand up against that current in the river and shout not so fast! Step away from the prepared pasta aisle! Keep your hands still and visible...and listen to how easy this is.
A Video is Worth a Thousand Words
I initially thought about, and immediately discounted, trying to describe how to make spaetzle. This is what Youtube was made for. There are, trust me, many good videos that show the process of making these dumplings, but none of them match the simplicity of one of the most amateurist and homespun that I found. I choose this one because it shows the whole process from start to finish, as well as showing perfectly the consistency of the dough that you make these dumplings with. The production standards are basic, and the conversation is amusing. For those of you who might be just learning English as a second language, I can assure you there is no "r" at the end of spatula. For those of you who are from the South, and still haven't learned how to make dumplings...take heart. If this Yankee couple can whip them up in a few minutes...how hard can it be? (note: Disregard the instructions to use oat flour...just use flour...and get the directorial notes together with your coproducer beforehand)
For the record...it's not "SPAYZT-zel"...nor is it "SPAT-chu-lar"...but that's just me poking fun at Yankees. Other than that, this video gives you all you need to know...it shows the ingredients, how to mix them, and what the consistency should end up looking like. It's a very slack dough. that's what enables it to fall through the holes in the spaetzle maker. And the video lasted all of...what? Six and a half minutes? Hell...at least 1 minute of that was them fussing at one another.
You can make these inside of 15 minutes, my friends...and that includes saucing them.
But Do I Need Special Equipment?
Yes, Inge or Franz, you do. But not as special as you might think. We're not talking pasta rollers or KitchenAide accessories. Hell...the first thing I used to make spaetzle with was an old aluminum lid to one of those inexpensive stockpots that you start out with when you first set up a household in your twenties. I had thrown the pot away, and held onto the lid. One day a light bulb went off and, having more time than money, and an electric drill...I took a 3/8" drill bit and riddled the lid with holes. It fit nicely on the top of my new stainless steel stock pot, and when I made spaetle dough I just spooned globs of it on top of the lid, situated on top of the pot of boiling water, and used a pastry scraper to smear the dough around over the lid and force it through the holes. It worked like a champ until I found myself in a more flush position, and able to pony up $10 for a dedicated kitchen tool.
If you go to Amazon and query "spaetzle makers", you'll find an assortment of mostly similar devices:
http://www.google.com/...
Okay...I made them...Now what?
What? Are you asking me? Look...they are dumplings. You can do with them as you please. But if you are going to press me for suggestions, here are some:
*browned butter" This is classic...melt some butter in a saucepan until it browns, but doesn't burn. To this, if you've of a mind to, you can add freshly grated parmesan-regianno. Herbs...you can add freshly snipped chives onto the spaetzle, or basil. If you have a juicer, you could even try running fresh herbs and vegetables through, and use that as the liquid to make the spaetzle. I've never tried it, but I will sometime try making spaetzle with beet juice. But carrot juice would work as well.
Dumplings go well with braised meats. It could be lamb shanks, chicken paprikash, sauerbraten, beef shortribs, or even curried goat. Your imagination is the limit. I make spaetzle on the side, and add them to chicken soup whenever my wife is sick. She's Jewish...and I haven't the heart to tell her that she's eating good German food.
On the other hand...her grandparents are Slovakian...and she has, since the day I met her, bragged about a very "country" food she grew up with. It was cooked cabbage, sliced and fried in butter and onions, with dumplings. She has tried to recreate it, but people I'm here to tell you...her dumplings aren't even worthy of catfish bait. She just doesn't know how to make them.
And they are so easy....I would show her...but I'd lose so much leverage if I did. So I keep the secret to my vest...and share it with you instead.
It's no secret...it's just a shame more people don't try them. You can master these in one day, and be a kitchen Rock Star the next.
Trust me.