The latest news from Iraq seems to indicate that we have failed to bring a peaceful democracy to the region. The Sunni and Shia factions are still mad at each other, the Christians are being singled out for some rough treatment and everybody is still furious at the Jews. The solution, if there is one, has to be built on mounting a campaign (I hesitate to use the word “crusade”) to fight the things they all feel are evil. This is the theory of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” the same one that supplied U.S. weapons to the Taliban to shoot Russians, to Russians to shoot Germans, to Saddam Hussein to shoot Iranians and Iranians to shoot anybody they want to.
Oddly, it was while taking a holiday from this constant mental pondering that I thought of something that might bring Pat Robertson, Benjamin Netanyahu and Muqtada El-Sadr to the table in fighting what all profess to despise. You see, my holiday was in Las Vegas.
If there is one town whose values fly in the face(s) of fundamantalist Muslims, Orthodox Jews and rock-ribbed Christians, it’s Sin City. Virtually everything they’re against, Las Vegas is for - and vice versa. Take alcohol, for instance. Demon Rum has been the scourge of Christians from Southern Baptists to Mormons since before Carrie Nation elevated bottle-smashing to a fine art. Muslims forbid alcohol completely. Jews frown on drunkenness. Liquor is the enemy of clean living for all three religions. And how does Las Vegas deal with it? They keep the bars open twenty-four hours a day and give free drinks to those who stay at the slot machines and twenty-one tables long enough for the bar girls to fetch them. In Vegas, tequila sunrises are considered natural phenomena. Water, especially in frozen form, is considered primarily a mixer. It’s easy to see how both Christians, Jews and Muslims might be shocked.
As to gambling, I don’t recall hearing any Christian church promote unlimited wagering. Although I haven’t attended a sermon in a mosque or synagogue, I would assume it would be the same. Las Vegas, on the contrary, is built on gambling. Huge signs scream out, “GAMBLE HERE!!!!” Casinos vie with each other to lure wagerers in by claiming the best odds on craps, blackjack and roulette. There are even slot machines in the rest rooms. If Armaggedon arrives, while the faithful line up to hear their final judgment, Vegas afficionados will be trying to line up three bars. All three faiths would condemn this.
And then there’s sex. Here, I admit, the two faiths differ in focus, but agree in principle. Muslims concentrate on removing temptation by dressing their women in outfits that defy any lustful thoughts except through wildly imaginative speculation. Fundamentalist Christians concentrate more on the importance of each marriage partner having different reproductive equipment. Jews specify certain equipment modifications and also espouse modest dress. All are against homosexuality, but in America, for instance, it’s legal for a gay man and a lesbian to marry while this is not the case in, say, Iran. All frown on extra-marital hanky-panky.
Las Vegas takes a different approach. If you have the price of admission to spend the night, the city couldn’t care less how you spend it. If a guy was wealthy enough, he could probably show up at the Bellagio with a sheep and be shepherded into the best suite in the house. Prostitution is illegal in Clark County, where Las Vegas is located, but buses or limosines are available to carry customers out to places where it isn’t. Naturally, they run twenty-four hours a day.
Multitudes of people are employed handing out pamphlets to passers-by trumpeting the latest and best shows that seemingly are in intense competition to provide dancers with the skimpiest costumes. Some save money by dispensing with them altogether. Minister, rabbi and Imam alike might have collective cows when confronted by this kind of licencious behavior.
Finally, Muslims, Jews and Christians profess a distrust of wealth for wealth's sake. The New Testament declares that it’s impossible to serve God and Mammon. Islam teaches that charging interest is contrary to the teachings of the Prophet. Jews reserve a seat at the Seder table for the stranger at the gate. All three stress the importance of helping the poor and those less fortunate. By contrast, in Vegas, if you don’t have money, you’re invisible -except if you block traffic into the casinos.
What I believe is called for is a conference of fundamentalist preachers of all stripes to be held in the Las Vegas Convention Center, a building big enough to stage a small military campaign. The focus would be on sin. Speakers from the most extreme right of Christendom and the most zealous factions of Judaism and Islam could get together and point out the evils that make Las Vegas what it is. They might also take up collections to balance the billions going into booze, babes and blackjack which could instead be used to spread the Word(s). Instead of fighting each other, all flavors of fundamentalists could concentrate on the things they consider truly important - like how people dress, how they make love and what kind of liquid they consume. Our own Congress, which spends a good part of its time debating flag burning, gay marriage, and stem cell research, could lend its support.
With everyone working together, we could really get things done.