In a much dicussed diary by SwedishJewfish I made some statements which, upon reflection, I regret. While I did retract them in a comment to Meteor Blade's comment on MY comment (are we tracking here?), I don't believe, given the massive response to the diary, that it was seen. Hell, no one is gonna read this, but I'll have given it the old college try....
I reacted to the diary, in retrospect, far, far beyond the emotional constraints I thought I'd tied up in a neat little package. Not to be forgotten, but pretty much "over." I actually thought I was being reasonable when I said this:
When you find out YOUR child has been hiding the sexual abuse she had been suffering for 5 years from her half-brother, and someone had been covering it up and making excuses (her mother), then I believe you might change your tune about the enablers.
Fuck him. Dig up his corpse and piss on it. Sandusky should go into Gen Pop instead of protective custody. Why should he be afforded any protection at all?
In fact, Fuck all enablers, pedophiles and rapists living or dead. If there was a hell, I would hope to go there to make sure they were burning.
It's too late for sympathy for the victims. All they can do is hope to put together the remnants of a life.
So, for which part am I apologising? Here's what Meteor Blades had to say:
I don't have a big problem with most of what you're saying here. But this...
Sandusky should go into Gen Pop instead of protective custody. Why should he be afforded any protection at all? (emphasis mine)
...I strongly object to. Having been raped more than once during 23 months of incarceration as a juvenile, the condoning of rape in prison, which is essentially what your statement does, is not something I take lightly. Locking pedophiles up, giving them long or life-time sentences at hard labor, is appropriate and desirable. But suggesting that we turn a blind eye to prison rape makes us better than Joe Paterno how?
It was then I realized how much resentment and pain and yes, hate I carry around. It's not really who I am. Here is my response to MB (bless his flinty little heart....)
I actually wasn't thinking he would be raped.
I was thinking what I already know. That he would be killed.
And you know what? You're right and I'm wrong on this. (emphasis mine)
I cannot condone him being raped OR murdered in prison. It was an emotional reaction to something ELSE I already know:
There is no real justice. Not now, not ever. There are only victims. The one-percenters can purchase "justice" but it is beyond the reach of most of the rest of us.
As I said in another comment, I have a dog in this fight. (and no, I don't condone dogfighting )
I was speaking from the seat of a man who endured much trying to bring justice for his daughter, never getting it, and watching a beautiful young girl devolve into a morbidly obese woman with very little hope for a bright future. Her demons are too great for her to even approach treatment. The fact the her mother was an enabler is too much for her to accept. She so desires a healthy relationship with her "mother", but it's a phantom.
So I live with the guilt and the pain of knowing NOW that I should have paid more attention to little things. Because in the 5 to 7 years this went on (there were two other "family" members involved as well) she never said a word to me about it. She was ashamed. The diary brought all of that up for me. I have no sympathy for pedophiles, but there is a special place in hell for the enablers.
All of this has since writing those words, made me question my values. What DO I honor and what deserves oblivion? So this brings us back to the question I posed before: What am I apologising for specifically?
Like said to MB, I cannot condone the murder of another human being by the State or by proxy by sticking him in Gen Pop. I cannot condone raping even those who showed no mercy to the screams of a young girl while her mind was splintered; or those who heard them and did nothing.
However, Fuck Joe Paterno. Yes, I would still dig up his worthless hide and piss on it. I don't apologise for that. Fuck all those who would harm a child or look the other way. They should be shut away in solitary for the rest of their natural lives. I don't care if they go crazy. If they commit suicide, then fine. I'll shed no tears. Some would see this dichotomy in values as hypocritical. Until you've looked into the eyes of 13 year-old girl who is trying to commit suicide because she doesn't want to be raped anymore, learning the shocking truth as to why, and getting no justice, don't talk to me about hypocrisy. I'm quite content with this mindset. The moment they harmed a child, they gave up all privileges as human beings. They are animals who, unfortunately, must be given the protection of the Constitution. While they are caged for the rest of their natural lives.
Time to talk to my 'shrink again....