You have heard about the glowing achievements of Bain Capital, and other groups that have 'creatively destroyed' corporations.
And you've probably wondered why such expertise and benefits were only available to Corporation People.
But now, at last your pleas have been heard. Mustellus Capital is proud to announce our Creative Destruction Services are now available to you little 'actual' people!
By taking advantage of Mustellus Capital's Personal Creative Destruction services, you too will have access to all the expert, insightful guidance that large corporations have come to depend upon.
For example, you may have had to depend on a spouse, a child in college, or an unexpected medical emergency to max out your credit cards. But now, with Mustellus Capital's Creative Destruction services, our cheerful Destroyers will gladly do that for you.
You may have experienced similar problems cashing out your 401K retirement plan; reluctant to take the energetic, decisive steps called for. But our trained staff can cut through any hesitation, and move forward with decision and energy.
And who really wants to sell treasured family heirlooms? Financially valuable assets? Your First Born? Our analysts are trained to see past any sentimental attachments or actual family needs, and realize in cash what each of these examples of real property is really worth.
By now, you may only be wondering at our fees. Rest assured that they rarely exceed 150% of the value of the cash or assets liquidated. That's a small price to pay for this quality of financial guidance. And you will then have immediate access to our financial wizards.. the best in the business, we think.. to try to keep you out of bankruptcy.
And lastly.. certainly not the least, Mustellus Bankruptcy LLC stands ready to guide you through the legal process, if necessary. For a fee, of course.