Those of you who've followed my dino-diaries have learned of the rise and fall of some rather extinction-resistant GOPasaurs, who - despite their evolutionary flaws - have managed to elude the Grim Reaper of Extinction.
Today, we turn our paleontological attentions to another behemoth that has outlived its usefulness, Gaffasaurus komenii "Great Pink Satan" (no, it's no relation to the hapless Gaffasaurus perrii, although wait... they both have ties to the Permian Basin... hmmm...). This outsized, pink monster grew to epic proportions, extending its acquisitive claws into every aspect of its environment, turning the landscape an unearthly shade of pink, like a proto-Christo art project gone terribly wrong.
This Jurassic juggernaut, feeling invincible, decided one day to flex its muscles and attack the smaller, leaner (and as it turns out, more highly evolved) Progressasaurus plannedparenthoodii, stealing its food, trashing its nest, and squawking in delight at the prospect of sending this one-time ally into an extinction death spiral.
Follow along below the coprolite for The Rest of the Story...
In an epic miscalculation reminiscent of every Darwin Award winner who yelled "HEY, Y'ALL, WATCH THIS!!!", the witless G. komenii soon found that it had bitten off more than it could masticate.
Hordes of Progressasaurs appeared in an instant, red in tooth and claw, lashing out at the much larger G. komenii, ripping its flesh, and driving it mad with a cacophony of shrill and unrelenting vocalizations. Other Progressasaurs, the open-hearted Progressasaurus altruistii, sprang into action, replenishing the resources of P. plannedparenthoodii with unprecedented speed and generosity, and spreading the word of this Mesozoic miscalculation to sympathetic species far and wide.
As the future fossil record will reveal, G. Komenii's extinction fate was sealed by their decision was to double down and spew more venom, in essence pouring gasoline on troubled lava flows. The hostilities continued, as Bloggasaurs, Donorsaurs, Walkasaurs, and all manner of species that had lived peacefully in G. Komenii's Great Pink Shadow entered the fray.
Dazed, confused, and oblivious , G. Komenii decided to try another tactic. As revealed by the Brinkman Petroglyphs, G. Komenii uttered a series of meaningless vocalizations aimed at appeasing the angry hordes. Not only did this fail to have the desired effect, it enraged the already emotionally unstable Wingosaurs, who had been rejoicing in G. Komenii's attack on their mutual enemy. Oops.
Paleontologists excavating the fossil ruins of G. Komenii have reached a startling conclusion: this Great Pink Satanosaur had apparently triggered its own sudden extinction. The fossil record showed that from the ashes of this Mesozoic Meltdown, P. plannedparenthoodii arose with renewed strength, and reigned over the land for millions of years thanks to the efforts of the Progressasaurs, Bloggasaurs, Donorsaurs, and other warm-blooded, generous minded creatures.
The venomous Wingosaurs limped away to lick their wounds and seethe at the ingratitude of the world, and the land returned to its normal coloration.
Darwin finally got a good night's sleep.