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A sharp spike in the marriage enthreatedness level was detected here at the National Traditional Marriage Protection Silo at approximately 1530 hours today as the Washington state House of Representatives voted 55-43 to legalize same-sex marriage. The state Senate approved the bill last week, and it now goes to Governor Christine Gregoire, a known traditional marriage threatifier, for her signature. In light of the direct assault on traditional marriage conducted yesterday by the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, we believe this latest incident to be part of a coordinated attack. We have formally triggered Alert Condition Red and we urge all traditionally married individuals to seek shelter for their marriages immediately.

Marriage threatification troops have been on high alert for most of the week in anticipation of this event and we expect to deploy additional patrols over the next several days. A possible threat to traditional marriage was detected on the silo perimeter at 0700 hours this morning and a hazard team was mobilized. Upon investigation, the team determined that it was only a raccoon.

Raccoon

Despite this false alarm, the enthreatedness level remains high and we urge all traditionally married citizens to observe their own marriages closely for signs of possible threatenization, such as a husband suddenly feeling hyped about David Beckham's H&M underwear ad and the lack of any desire on the part of his wife to smack the ish out of him.

If you suspect your own marriage is becoming threatified, please post all relevant details below, so that we may continue to effectively monitor enthreatedness levels around the country. Thank you for your cooperation and vigilance.

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