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Welcome to another installment of our Indigo Kalliope Semi-Periodic Limerick Challenge! Given the prevailing insanity of our daily news, the only proper response seems poetic parody... or primal scream therapy. Since the latter is lacking in literary value, we shall adhere (this evening at least) to the former.

How this works: I've provided some limericks below to get us started. You can either respond in kind, or challenge me to write others on topics of your own choosing, conveyed in your comments. If limerick writing is not your thing, feel free to post your contributions in other poetic forms (haiku, sonnet, free verse, song parody). They needn't be about the GOP candidates - anything even remotely political will be just fine.

The main thing is to have a little fun! So without further ado, here's my limerick summary of the GOP primary season...

Foreign leaders look on with dismay   
As our candidates, each on display
Spew their moralist bile
In a manner so vile
It brings shame on the US of A

Global conflicts loom large – scary stuff!
The economy’s still pretty rough
Global warming’s no lie
Still the candidates cry:
“Women can’t be enshackled enough!”

“Get them back in their kitchens right now!
They should not be out working, no how!
Every egg matched with sperm
Must be carried to term
By each barefoot and pregnant hausfrau.”

“Only MEN on our House panel, please
Women carry a deadly disease
They’re too feisty and proud
They cannot be allowed
To take part!” (So say Issa’s decrees).

Rick Santorum, emboldened by wins
And obsessed with our sexual sins
Now assails birth control
As a threat to our soul
Thus his cruel inquisition begins.

Until celibacy rules the land
And gay marriage is finally banned
Rick cannot sleep at night
With the thought someone might
Turn to something beyond just their hand.

Mitt loves Michigan! Oh, and those trees!
The right height to entangle the breeze!
And at night! Lovely stars!
Sparkling down on the cars!
(And forget what I said, would you please?)

Romney can’t understand his steep fall
“It’s my turn! Forget Newt and Ron Paul!
And Santorum as well!
What the heck? What the hell!?
I’m in-ev-ita-ble, darn it all!”

Tell me: what has become of the Newt?
In his perfect coiffure and dark suit?
With his well-Botoxed bride
Beaming at him with pride
(Thinking “Tiffany’s! Give me some loot!”)

Sheldon Adelson’s doubling down
On the man with the sneer and the frown
Yet Newt’s gone from the scene?
What on Earth can it mean?
When the circus is missing one clown?

Up in Maine as the snow fell Down East
They had Ron Paul worked up; he’s a beast!
“Votes weren’t counted at all
And those votes were for Paul!”
(And Mitt thought he had everyone fleeced).

Our apocalypse rides on: all four
Of our horsemen each hoping to score
Nomination and fame!
Presidential acclaim!
(Plans the voters will sadly ignore).

So to Tampa our horsemen must ride
Where the “powers that be” will decide
Who their “real” nominee
Will eventually be
In their quest for a mail-order bride.

Now it's YOUR turn!

Originally posted to Indigo Kalliope on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 03:59 PM PST.

Also republished by J Town, DKOMA, and Readers and Book Lovers.


What's next on Rick Santorum's March to Canonization?

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| 29 votes | Vote | Results

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