Skip to main content

Welcome to another installment of our Indigo Kalliope Semi-Periodic Limerick Challenge! Given the prevailing insanity of our daily news, the only proper response seems poetic parody... or primal scream therapy. Since the latter is lacking in literary value, we shall adhere (this evening at least) to the former.

How this works: I've provided some limericks below to get us started. You can either respond in kind, or challenge me to write others on topics of your own choosing, conveyed in your comments. If limerick writing is not your thing, feel free to post your contributions in other poetic forms (haiku, sonnet, free verse, song parody). They needn't be about the GOP candidates - anything even remotely political will be just fine.

The main thing is to have a little fun! So without further ado, here's my limerick summary of the GOP primary season...

Foreign leaders look on with dismay   
As our candidates, each on display
Spew their moralist bile
In a manner so vile
It brings shame on the US of A

Global conflicts loom large – scary stuff!
The economy’s still pretty rough
Global warming’s no lie
Still the candidates cry:
“Women can’t be enshackled enough!”

“Get them back in their kitchens right now!
They should not be out working, no how!
Every egg matched with sperm
Must be carried to term
By each barefoot and pregnant hausfrau.”

“Only MEN on our House panel, please
Women carry a deadly disease
They’re too feisty and proud
They cannot be allowed
To take part!” (So say Issa’s decrees).

Rick Santorum, emboldened by wins
And obsessed with our sexual sins
Now assails birth control
As a threat to our soul
Thus his cruel inquisition begins.

Until celibacy rules the land
And gay marriage is finally banned
Rick cannot sleep at night
With the thought someone might
Turn to something beyond just their hand.

Mitt loves Michigan! Oh, and those trees!
The right height to entangle the breeze!
And at night! Lovely stars!
Sparkling down on the cars!
(And forget what I said, would you please?)

Romney can’t understand his steep fall
“It’s my turn! Forget Newt and Ron Paul!
And Santorum as well!
What the heck? What the hell!?
I’m in-ev-ita-ble, darn it all!”

Tell me: what has become of the Newt?
In his perfect coiffure and dark suit?
With his well-Botoxed bride
Beaming at him with pride
(Thinking “Tiffany’s! Give me some loot!”)

Sheldon Adelson’s doubling down
On the man with the sneer and the frown
Yet Newt’s gone from the scene?
What on Earth can it mean?
When the circus is missing one clown?

Up in Maine as the snow fell Down East
They had Ron Paul worked up; he’s a beast!
“Votes weren’t counted at all
And those votes were for Paul!”
(And Mitt thought he had everyone fleeced).

Our apocalypse rides on: all four
Of our horsemen each hoping to score
Nomination and fame!
Presidential acclaim!
(Plans the voters will sadly ignore).

So to Tampa our horsemen must ride
Where the “powers that be” will decide
Who their “real” nominee
Will eventually be
In their quest for a mail-order bride.

Now it's YOUR turn!

Originally posted to Indigo Kalliope on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 03:59 PM PST.

Also republished by J Town, DKOMA, and Readers and Book Lovers.

Poll

What's next on Rick Santorum's March to Canonization?

31%9 votes
20%6 votes
3%1 votes
3%1 votes
3%1 votes
3%1 votes
0%0 votes
10%3 votes
3%1 votes
0%0 votes
3%1 votes
13%4 votes
3%1 votes

| 29 votes | Vote | Results

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site