Jon Stewart was on fire last night, blasting Virginia Republicans for pushing their anti-women ultrasound bill.
And Governor Bob McDonnell, he's for the mandatory ultrasounds. Is there anything he considers too intrusive?
11/30/2010:
WTOP REPORTER: The full body pat-downs that a lot of people are upset about going through the TSA lines... what are your thoughts on that?
GOV. BOB MCDONNELL, R-VA: I think that's probably over the line with regard to people's, you know, concerns about privacy and their civil liberties...
(audience boos)
OK, OK, Governor, let me... they're not booing, they're saying "Bruce". We did, earlier, Springsteen songs. Let me explain the concerns about privacy and liberty in the bill you're about to sign. Women might consider this bill a TSA pat-down inside their vagina.
And by the way, it's not that Virginia legislators don't understand the concept of forced violation. The supporters of this mandatory ultrasound bill believe many things rise to that level. For instance, Virginia Republican Delegate Bob Marshall believes that the health care reform bill put forth by Obama "is not regulation of voluntary commercial intercourse; it is more akin to forcible economic rape".
See? Bob Marshall feels like having to buy something you don't want, is like being raped! "Oh, the cable package I want has to have the Lifetime Movie Network? Oh! Stop raping me!!" Whereas having something shoved inside your genitals against your will is not rape. He thinks that's not rape. It's like a regional quirk. Like some places in the country call soda, "pop".
I guess what I can't figure out is, whatever happened to the Republicans being the party of personal liberty? Don't they remember this guy?
RONALD REAGAN (8/12/1986): The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."
Yeah, I got nine scarier words for ya. (in Ronald Reagan voice) "I'm from the government, this wand's a little cold."
Video and full transcript below the fold.
But hey, vetoing a bill, it's a governor's prerogative. For instance, in Virginia, their governor Bob McDonnell is getting set to sign a bill coming out of his legislature. I wonder if it's to legalize gay marriage.
KVUE (2/21/2012): The legislation would require any woman getting an abortion to first have a transvaginal ultrasound.
Oh man, Transvaginal Ultrasound?? The 15-member jazz-fusion chorus band? Those guys are awesome! I saw them at the Beacon in '94, they were amazing! ♫ Transvaginal Ultrasound, Transvaginal Ultrasound. ♫
Wait a minute. Oh... not the band, the other one with the wand and the hoo-hoo. Yes, that Virginia law is the subject of tonight's installment of The Punanny State.
Now because the majority of abortions are performed in the first trimester, if you're going to get an ultrasound image, as the Virginia law requires, the law states basically that any woman seeking to have the legal procedure known as an abortion must, whether she wants to or not, first lay back in a chair, her spread legs, feet in stirrups, and have an 8- to 10-inch wand put inside her. Even if the woman in question is pregnant as the result of a rape.
I don't really have a joke here, I just thought I'd tell you. On the plus side....
WUSA 9 (2/12/2012): The women would not be forced to look at that image.
See? So it's all good. During the entire wand-forcibly-inserted-in-your-most-private-area experience, you still have total and complete control over what direction your head is turned. So just set your iPod to shuffle, flip through a copy of Vanity Fair, and try to ignore the fact that you're being handled like a human popsicle.
OK. Feel lucky? Virginia could have forced you to watch the image like in the dystopian classic, A Clockwork Orange.
But instead, they're just going to be coming at you with a giant phallic object, like in A Clockwork Orange.
At this point, I'm almost afraid to ask, what kind of man would introduce a bill that infringes on women's rights to such a degree?
WDBJ 7 (2/14/2012): That bill was introduced by Lynchburg delegate, Kathy Byron.
A lady?? (audience boos) Oh and by the way, "Lynchburg"? Enough with the Linsanity, OK? Does everything have to have a Lin in front of it? Just say the name of the town, Ynchburg. Because I mean, come on. No town in 2012 in the South would be named after a heinous act against its most....
(listens to earpiece) What's that? Really? All over the South? Well that is... Linsensitive.
Look, I guess Kathy Byron advocates substituting government intrusion for patients' personal medical decisions.
DEL. KATHY BYRON, R-LYNCHBURG (1/2011): State efforts to mandate the HPV vaccine on minors have raised a variety of concerns. ... The substitution of our judgment for the judgment of parents is exactly the type of government intrusion into health care that America rejected at the polls last November.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all I heard was you support Americans rejecting intrusive poles.
And, um, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!
Look at that fucking thing. Seriously, I know most doctors brag about the size of these, but seriously. And Governor Bob McDonnell, he's for the mandatory ultrasounds. Is there anything he considers too intrusive?
11/30/2010:
WTOP REPORTER: The full body pat-downs that a lot of people are upset about going through the TSA lines... what are your thoughts on that?
GOV. BOB MCDONNELL, R-VA: I think that's probably over the line with regard to people's, you know, concerns about privacy and their civil liberties...
(audience boos)
OK, OK, Governor, let me... they're not booing, they're saying "Bruce". We did, earlier, Springsteen songs. Let me explain the concerns about privacy and liberty in the bill you're about to sign. Women might consider this bill a TSA pat-down inside their vagina.
And by the way, it's not that Virginia legislators don't understand the concept of forced violation. The supporters of this mandatory ultrasound bill believe many things rise to that level. For instance, Virginia Republican Delegate Bob Marshall believes that the health care reform bill put forth by Obama "is not regulation of voluntary commercial intercourse; it is more akin to forcible economic rape".
See? Bob Marshall feels like having to buy something you don't want, is like being raped! "Oh, the cable package I want has to have the Lifetime Movie Network? Oh! Stop raping me!!" Whereas having something shoved inside your genitals against your will is not rape. He thinks that's not rape. It's like a regional quirk. Like some places in the country call soda, "pop".
I guess what I can't figure out is, whatever happened to the Republicans being the party of personal liberty? Don't they remember this guy?
RONALD REAGAN (8/12/1986): The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."
Yeah, I got nine scarier words for ya. (in Ronald Reagan voice) "I'm from the government, this wand's a little cold."
Jon also
ripped into New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) for vetoing the gay marriage bill the legislature had passed.
Lewis Black then
blasted Nancy Grace for how she treated the news of Whitney Houston's death.
Meanwhile, Stephen
looked at how Nancy Pelosi has turned on Stephen for his super PAC, while Obama has turned to Democratic super PACs now.
He then looked at how there's now a sport called
Ultimate Taser Ball, which is like soccer, but the players all have tasers to shock the other team as they try to score.
Stephen then talked with neocon Robert Kagan, while Jon talked with Russ Feingold, which went long, so they put the whole thing online in two parts.
Part 1
Part 2