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As we all know - we are but at the tip of the iceberg with reports of previous child sexual abuse coming out.  Some abuses may have occurred 20 or 30 years ago, but people are slowly finding their voices.  In looking for a graphic of an iceberg, I came across Freud's View of the Human Mind: The Mental Iceberg:

And this seems to serve two purposes when it comes to Child Sexual Abuse and the seemingly "increased" reporting.  

We are all seeking the same things - love, acceptance, being "normal."  So on a conscious level, we know that people will perceive us in a certain way.  "Perception is Reality" and the old saying, you only get one chance to make a first impression comes to mind.  

Therefore victims of CSA may on a preconscious level have the memories and stored knowledge of their previous abuse, but aren't necessarily going to share that with others.  So they bury it - just as the preconscious level is buried beneath the wave of the iceberg above.

The unconscious level (buried even deeper as illustrated above), I believe, is what keeps children, and later adults, from divulging the abuse - the fears, shame of the experience, immoral urges  and unacceptable sexual desires (due to the oversexualization of the child) keep the secrets buried.  

But we have reached a pivotal point in our history - now that Child Sexual Abuse has become a national conversation, and more people are stepping forward to share their stories, we feel safe in telling ours.  Now that we know we aren't alone and it wasn't just us, we are finding a level of comfort in slowly speaking out about our own experiences.

However, as in the Bill Conlin case, most of us are well beyond the statute of limitations.  We aren't telling our stories because we want something in return - we are telling our stories because, well, at least for me, I feel I am complicit in the "coverup" if I remain silent any longer.

We had no voice then, but we are finding our voice now:  "No One Spoke Up for Us": For The Children Who Had No Voice and For those finally finding Theirs+*

We are but at the tip of the iceberg, and I believe that this is so prevalent, I fear it may overwhelm the "system."  

(Link to news stories after the jump)

Syracuse University

Road to Recovery president says he is treating sexual abuse victim of another coach at SU

The president of Road to Recovery, a group that supports victims of sexual abuse, said he is treating a victim who has been molested by another coach at Syracuse University.

Robert Hoatson, the president and co-founder of Road to Recovery, spoke on the advocates panel during the symposium "When Games Turn Grim: Can Media Cover Sports Scandals Responsibly?" on Thursday afternoon.

"By the way, I am working with a victim of another Syracuse University sport — a head coach," Hoatson said approximately halfway through the hour-long panel. "The reason I cannot tell you who it is and why is because the person is not there yet, but the person did give me permission, just yesterday, to say ‘you can say that much.' And who knows, maybe he'll watch today and say ‘maybe I'll go a little further here,' because these stories tend to come out in pieces."
Read More

New York
Chancellor cracks down on “bad” teachers after sex abuse scandals

In the wake of three sex abuse cases, Chancellor Dennis Walcott announced Friday he will crack down on “bad people” in city schools.

Promising to remove any employee found to have inappropriately touched students, Walcott has ordered a review of past investigations dating back to 2000.

“We have to make sure we find out who those bad people are and that we remove those bad people,” said Walcott.

“Moving forward any individual that's involved in touching a child — and it's substantiated — will be removed.”

The change in policy -- which could lead to the dismissal of dozens of teacher and school staffers -- came after Queens teacher Wilbert Cortez was arrested Thursday on charges of touching the genitals of two boys, aged 8 and 9.

Read more:


Spate of arrests shows rise in reporting, not in abuse, police say

In three weeks, six L.A. Unified employees have been booked on suspicion of sex-related crimes. The Miramonte episode has sparked some people to come forward and others to be more watchful, police say.

Since authorities charged a Miramonte Elementary School teacher nearly a month ago with committing lewd acts in his classroom, the Los Angeles Unified School District has seen a flurry of arrests of school employees accused of inappropriate behavior with children.

Over the last three weeks, six employees have been booked on suspicion of sex-related crimes, while several others have been pulled from the classroom amid investigations.

Read More


Houston teacher, school administrators charged with failure to report child abuse

HOUSTON—The top two administrators and a teacher at a Galveston County school are charged with failure to report child abuse after leaving a student’s concerns unheard for nearly three weeks, officials said.

It started in December when a 10-year-old student told her teacher that she had been sexually assaulted by a family member.  After she told her teacher, no one from the school told anyone else, until 20 days later.

Read More

South Carolina

Myrtle Beach teacher, counselor charged after 9-year-old reports sexual assault

A Myrtle Beach Intermediate School guidance counselor and teacher on Wednesday became the second and third people arrested and charged related to a report of the sexual assault of a 9-year-old girl that occurred in October, according to Myrtle Beach police.

The school employees turned themselves in to police to faces charges in the incident days after another woman was also charged.

Read More:

Originally posted to Roxine on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 06:17 AM PST.

Also republished by TreeClimbers and House of LIGHTS.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Thank you for keeping the reminders (7+ / 0-)

    in front of us. It's clearly possible to change the national conversation quickly - look at how many people refer to "the 1%" already - and this is an essential conversation to open up.

    "Maybe this is how empires die - their citizens just don't deserve to be world leaders anymore." -Kossack Puddytat, In a Comment 18 Sept 2011

    by pixxer on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 07:13:24 AM PST

    •  You're welcomed (8+ / 0-)

      Sometimes I need to step away from my personal history as it gets to be overwhelming reliving all of those memories, but I want to keep the conversation going because I feel it is too important not to.

      Thank you for taking the time to read -

      "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley

      by Roxine on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 07:44:25 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  What an outstanding sig quote for you to choose! n (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Roxine, kishik, 2thanks

        "Maybe this is how empires die - their citizens just don't deserve to be world leaders anymore." -Kossack Puddytat, In a Comment 18 Sept 2011

        by pixxer on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 07:59:32 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Thanks pixxer - it comes from my favorite poem (5+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          kishik, 2thanks, pixxer, myboo, jennyp

          William Ernest Henley

            Out of the night that covers me,
          Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
          I thank whatever gods may be
          For my unconquerable soul.

          In the fell clutch of circumstance
          I have not winced nor cried aloud.
          Under the bludgeonings of chance
          My head is bloody, but unbowed.

          Beyond this place of wrath and tears
          Looms but the Horror of the shade,
          And yet the menace of the years
          Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

          It matters not how strait the gate,
          How charged with punishments the scroll.
          I am the master of my fate:
          I am the captain of my soul.

          "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley

          by Roxine on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 08:06:36 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  It is an outstanding poem. My memory is (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            kishik, Roxine, 2thanks

            that it was also the favorite of Nelson Mandela, especially valuable during his long years in prison. May the sun again shine brightly on you, too.

            "Maybe this is how empires die - their citizens just don't deserve to be world leaders anymore." -Kossack Puddytat, In a Comment 18 Sept 2011

            by pixxer on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 09:33:04 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

  •  Since I'm in the NYC area... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    2thanks, Roxine, jdmorg

    I know that it seems at least weekly stories are being published about reported CSA in the public schools these days! Right now, there have been 5 cases recently reported in this past month.  NYC parents I believe have been putting on pressure for answers.

    It's hard enough for kids to grow up in a tough urban city like NYC... And many parents always figure that schools are at least not the streets and should safe havens for their kids!

    Maybe if anything, the stories that came out regarding Sandusky became a pushing point for parents or through the schools to have that conversation with kids about what is okay touching, what is bad touching. And that is why kids are coming forward to their parents to say what has been happening in school.

    Thanks Roxine for keeping this topic in the conversation..

    All the suffering of this world arises from a wrong attitude.The world is neither good or bad. It is only the relation to our ego that makes it seem the one or the other - Lama Anagorika Govinda

    by kishik on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 09:05:22 AM PST

  •  Thank you so much for keeping this fire (9+ / 0-)


    My husband was hated (an "unwanted accident" as he was told from birth) and physically abused his entire life by his father and sexually abused by his brother when he was 8.  There are so many deeply buried issues that come to his surface at strange and random times.  It has been a struggle just to stay married in the face of his projection and mistrust, and after 27 years I keep learning more and more.

    I knew about the beatings and emotional abuse by his father, but the rape did not come out until we had been married for 11 years with 2 children.  And it has taken till right now for me to learn a very key fact.  That even though a victim is cognizant of his abuse and can speak about it in what passes for "acceptance"; all that subterranean iceberg of shame and fear still rules the person!! His knowing and being able to talk about it has never scratched the surface of  his inability to love and accept himself.  He still harbors every bit of self-loathing that was created by his family.

    I would like to suggest a reading list for partners (and selves) who are dealing with trauma.  I am in the process, so cannot totally critique each book, but they have been well reviewed on Amazon for those who would care for more detail.

    I can speak for "The Myth of Sanity" by Martha Stout for it was what led me to learn that dissociative identity disorder is not "Sybil" or "The Three Faces of Eve" for the most part, those are extreme exceptional examples. But that DID manifests itself on a spectrum and that it is very common for people who have experienced horrible traumas to dissociate in some fashion from "spacing out" to "absent minded professor" to true separation of interior personalities.  And I could see my husband on this spectrum.  It explained so much and made me so much more compassionate toward his childish outbursts and irrational reactions to seemingly innocuous things.  He has tried to sabotage our marriage every step of the way, and been an absent parent because, in his words, "he's afraid to damage his children the way his father did to him."  He has been emotionally unavailable to them and me the whole time.  Little did I understand just how etched on his cell memory was the abuse....

    The book sent me to search for more info, and I am now reading:
    8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery by Rothschild
    The Body Remembers by Rothschild
    The Haunted Self by van der Hart, Niienhuis, and Steele
    The dissociative identity disorder sourcebook by Haddock

    My husband is resistant to therapy, so I am hoping that I can arm myself with the kind of knowledge that will help me understand him better and learn what triggers his chronic traumatization.  I hope this info helps anybody that is in this situation.  My husband has hung on by a thread all these years, but losing a job last year with no job in sight has brought him to the brink of personal disaster.  

    My heart goes out to all abuse victims and to all who love them.  

    •  Thanks so much for posting this..... (7+ / 0-)

      It shows how many people can be victimized in the abuse of just one child...

      I wish you and your family well.  

      All of this is towards breaking the cycle of violence and sexual abuse against children.... Especially those occurances that are stashed away as "family secrets".

      All the suffering of this world arises from a wrong attitude.The world is neither good or bad. It is only the relation to our ego that makes it seem the one or the other - Lama Anagorika Govinda

      by kishik on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 09:47:01 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Thank you SO Much for the literature suggestions (7+ / 0-)

      And so much of your post I can relate to - especially the disassociative piece.  Someone very close to me deals with her abuse in this way - your description of "his childish outbursts and irrational reactions to seemingly innocuous things" describes her to a tee.

      Unfortuantely, this describes ME to a tee  

      He has tried to sabotage our marriage every step of the way,
      God bless my husband for staying with me - what that man saw in men I will never know, but I do truly thank God for him every day.  As I'm sure your husband does as well.  

      I hope you will join our group here on DKos - Tree Climbers.  Your perspective would be greatly valued and perhaps we can learn from each other.

      "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley

      by Roxine on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 10:41:51 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thank you, Roxine, I will join. (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        mikidee, kishik, 2thanks, Roxine

        However, my husband is at a very serious crossroads where he is NOT thankful for me.  My devotion to him is a burden he cannot seem to bear, because in his manifesting of his trauma, he has cheated on me, left me and our sons for almost a year, was emotionally unavailable to our sons and me, has not seen his first son for over 3 years, has made so many bad business decisions that he has lost his job for the umpteenth time and we are now in dire financial straits for the same umpteenth time and he beats himself up for everything that he has done and just told me "that he doesn't think he can fight to be normal anymore and is ready to leave me once again, except this time to go live alone where he can't hurt anyone ever again!"

        I am devastated because I have spent so much time trying to learn and understand what he is going thru, only to be rejected for caring!  I guess I should not be surprised by any of it.  One of the first things he told me when we were dating was that "he didn't want to be a member of any club that would have him"...and so he doesn't.  But I am a tenacious woman, and I have every intention of not giving up on him.  But there will be nothing I can do, just like the last time, if he leaves.  I am afraid for him.  

        •  At some point, as you know, (4+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          freeport beach PA, kishik, 2thanks, Roxine

          you need to take care of the you that he, to the best of his ability, fell in love with.  He might disparage that woman - we don't.

          Goodness isn't a "club" - it's a lifestyle.


          "Fear is for people who don't get out much." Rick Steves

          by mikidee on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 03:27:58 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

        •  freeport, do not blame yourself for this. Your (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          freeport beach PA, Roxine

          husband feels unworthy and lost right now.  Sometimes I felt like I just existed you know.  I floated through (not in a happy way), just plodding along pretending that I had a life.  Those were my late teens and early 20's.
          I married a man who was never emotionally available to me.  We were complete opposite in all ways and that was my choice of partners in order to run and hide from my upbringing.  It was doomed to fail of course.  I chose a husband who only belittled me and controlled me and was emotionally a brick wall.
          I survived a divorce from him and have my 2 beautiful daughters from that marriage.  For my kids, I fought on.  Somedays that was all that got me through -- them.

          Republicans only care about themselves, their money, & their power.

          by jdmorg on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 06:49:37 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  I am not unscathed in all this. (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            jdmorg, Roxine

            I was raised by a narcissistic, probable borderline personality disorder mother who emotionally abused myself and my 5 sisters until the day she died a month ago at the age of 94.  I know that I was raised to choose this man I married because he is what I grew up emotion, no connection, no right to be happy, no  right to uniqueness or autonomy.  

            It was only about a year and a half ago that I broke through the veil of deceit and veneer and actually discovered the truth about our mother.  She was so skillful in her public personality that nobody, not even her own children (or my father) realized the subtle degradation that she was perpetrating upon us.  Someone characterized her as a gorgon, who eats her young to keep them close, and that is a pretty accurate way of describing what she did to us.  But, through observation and tons of reading and research, I shared the info with my sisters, and we tore the wall down that our mother had built between each of us and we saved each other before she died. So that when she finally passed, we all had full knowledge of what she had done to us and how it had shaped us and we are getting whole with each others help.

            But, I also am grateful to my 2 beautiful sons.  I know exactly what you mean.  I learned more from them then they could ever learn from me, and they have saved me many times and continue to do so even now.  Unfortunately, they have suffered from the lack of emotional connection to their father and manifest it in their lives as well.   The older one (26) has just decided to be alone to avoid the pain of a relationship, and the younger one (22)is replicating me by having chosen one of the most sad girls in the world who has more issues even than his own father.  "The sins of the father (and mother)".   We may be divorced yet...he seems to be leaning in that direction.  

            I will survive.  I made it out of a bad "starter marriage" after 7 years and no kids.  Now my kids are on their own and I can manage once again if I have to.  It still is a daunting prospect.  Talking about it with you helps to just "vent".  Thank you.

        •  Sent you a personal Message n/t (0+ / 0-)

          "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley

          by Roxine on Sat Feb 25, 2012 at 04:31:40 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

    •  Bless you and your husband on this road (6+ / 0-)

      any light or energy you need, may it be bestowed on you.

    •  freeport, my heart bleeds for your husband & you.. (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kishik, freeport beach PA, 2thanks

      sexual abuse as a child ( even once I told) made me feel "dirty", tainted and unworthy well into my mid 20's. I was 8 when the sex acts started for me. I look back at my pictures from that age until my teens, I rarely smiled. I am in the later half of my life now and through these mutual diaries of survivors, so many supressed feelings have risen again to cleanse me. I went through therapy at 20 yrs old as I considered driving my '66 chevy malibu off a local bridge. To this day I don't know why I didn't. God pulled me over that bridge is all I figured. Your husband needs extensive therapy to cleanse himself of the burdens the predator put on him. I am so sorry.

      Republicans only care about themselves, their money, & their power.

      by jdmorg on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 04:04:10 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thank you jdmorg. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        2thanks, jdmorg

        My husband was also 8.  
        Just a few weeks ago, he actually drove all the way to the city his brother lives in (8 hours away) and watched him walk into his business.  My husband had thought he might confront him, but could not and was disappointed that some great release of anger, hate, whatever did not happen. He came home feeling even worse than before.  I told him that the same mechanism that is keeping all his feelings locked inside him was working at that moment because it believes he still needs to be protected from those feelings.  It is that whole way below the surface iceberg!!

        My deepest hope is that I can convince him to get therapy.  He is a stoic German Taurus! Stubborn as can be and he sees therapy as an admission of failing.  Hell, he needs hearing aids and won't do that either.  I have read enough to know that admitting their is a problem is one thing that is beaten out of kids, or humiliated out of them, or...fill in the blank.  

        Thank you for sharing.  Hopefully if all of you can help me stay strong, I can help him be strong too.  We have come this far, and have made it thru bad places before, but this one seems particularly bad because on top of everything else, he is facing his 58th birthday, the age at which his father had his stroke and began his decline.   I have talked to more than a few people who have known men whose fathers died young and who freaked out when they faced the same age. It is just another stress on top of joblessness, close to losing our home, having 2 kids in college at the same time, and thinking "what is the point"?

        I will keep up the good fight.  Thank you.

        •  God freeport, tough, so tough. And the ole (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          freeport beach PA

          German Taurus....I have one of those (actually 2) in my family as well.  I know all too well, one of them is my mother, the person I told.
          God I do wish that I could help in some way more than typing in this blog.  Feel free to email me anytime.

          Republicans only care about themselves, their money, & their power.

          by jdmorg on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 06:44:12 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Thank you again. (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:

            Trust me, what you are doing is way beyond just "typing in this blog".  You are a lifeline.  We are all lifelines for each other. I have seen what miracles can be wrought by this blog and the way people connect.  I am forever grateful.

            I have been able to be on the giving end here, and am grateful for being able to be on the receiving end as well.

  •  Thank you, Roxine (6+ / 0-)

    It's not easy to speak out, but it must be done.

    Get 10% off with KATALOGUE2012 at my shop, or go to the Kos Katalogue!

    by LoreleiHI on Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 10:35:58 AM PST

  •  For the children (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Roxine, kishik, jennyp, JayRaye, 2thanks

    Always for the children.  And forever the child resides in all of us.  I've always at times tended to look at all of us as only children in bigger bodies if we can vote :)  The child is eternal in all its energy and beauty.  May we all be healed.

    It was long ago, there was an exercise I learned from some of John Bradshaws work when I was feeling out of sorts and disturbed.  Sit down with pencil and paper and write down how you are feeling.  Ask yourself why and write that down.  Ask yourself about that, what is that about?  Write that down.  Take a look at those specific items.  What do you think about those, give some analysis.  Wow, the things I have found out about myself and what I'm scared of and why!

  •  I like the iceberg visualization though I am not (0+ / 0-)

    a fan of Freud because of his penis envy crap and the insistence he had that women speaking of abuse were projecting thier desire for abusers  into false memories. If there is anything that resembles 'penis envy' it is simply resenting the free pass  and advantages it gave possessers.

    I know he was a groundbreaker but he had serious issues of his own and a pile of prejudices that he rationalized.

    Fear is the Mind Killer

    by boophus on Mon Feb 27, 2012 at 11:11:30 AM PST

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