Last night, Conan O'Brien (a comedic TV host, for you Luddites out there), mentioned that a study has shown government workers are the happiest around—I assume he was referencing this Forbes bit. The line was just a set-up for a generic DMV bashing joke, when it could have been much more.
You see, Conan has this sidekick, Andy, a sort of Ed McMahon type, who stands off-camera during the monologue. Unlike McMahon, though, he has some talent, and at least appears to have free reign to chime in with comments and one-liners, many of which are funnier and/or more insightful than the monologue itself.
I know what my response was, and maybe, under different circumstances, this Andy would have given the same:
"Can't have that."
I've been guilty, dirty little state university indoctrinated 1970 vintage Marxist freak that I am, of saying that the rich man's oppression is all about the money, but there's a nagging illogic to this—so many of the policies put forth by the Right tend to eviscerate their own markets, a fact they are not too stupid to understand. There must be other motivation.
Power? It's tempting. Having a lot of money does empower a person, in a sense. But when people have more money than you or I could spend, why does power not become more the point with them? Ask any multi-millionaire, and they will tell you they would feel a lot more secure if they had, say, twenty-five percent more money. That would do them. They could enjoy themselves, then. I don't see power supplanting greed as a motivator for the wealthy—power is more a tool that just comes with the territory, like an auto-transmit gate operator.
Now ask yourself … particularly in the glow of the Occupy movement, where do all the Lady MacBeths that are George Will or Mitt Romney, et cetera, go to protest too much?
Envy. It is envy, they say, raining evil class warfare down on their innocent, little souls. In absurdly reduced arguments, they spout that if you took away a billionaire's money and spread it all around America, all you would have are three more dollars, and so any attempt to redistribute the wealth of America is not only useless, but in that uselessness, is a sin. A sin, they say.
Well, if you're looking for sin, listen for the word, and for who is saying it. Envy.
I'm unemployed. On days I need the car, and in bad weather, I drive the Little Hun a mile down the hill to her job, dropping her off in front of the office doors. Her bosses often see this, watching us kiss good-bye before I go on my merry, ne'er-do-well way. Comments are made, along the lines of "must be nice" and such. Numerous comments are made in her presence about the damn parasites out there on unemployment (I wish).
Whine … whine … whine … she gets used to it. But you know what really infuriates their seventy-hours-a-week-and-they-don't-want-to-see-my-miserable-ass-at-home-anyway selves? Seeing me stop by with my neighbor to grab my golf clubs out of the trunk of our car. The core of their rationale cannot handle this—it is too much threat to tolerate.
Why does a Scott Walker go after government employees first? What's in it for him? What difference could it make in his ability to inside trade his way to the top?
Why?
Because government workers are the happiest.
Can't have that.