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I understand that the Corpulent One Mr. Limbaugh or, "Limbog" (that's-- I've heard it pronounced that way so it's cool) isseeeyued an apology to Sandra Fluke...

Good for him...

Only... not so much.

My translation follows each sentence with the original meaning in italics:

Rush Limbaugh decided to apologize for his egregious remarks he continued to make last week. Here is a translation:

"For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week."

 By absurd I mean distortion, hearsay and innuendo and absurdity I mean straw man, ad hominid, grandstanding, and, frankly, lying.

"In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation."

I should have kept with Contemporary Conservative thought and used strumpet, or courtesan.

"I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke."

I meant to attack all women.

"I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress."

Even though I spent nearly an entire week pretending that someone spoke of personal sexual recreational activities in front of Congress and someone called me out on it, I think we should move on to more serious topics.

"I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities."

I personally do not agree that I, an American citizen, should pay for pretending that someone spoke of personal sexual recreational activities in front of Congress.

"What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line? If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow?"

What happened to my Republican leadership in backing me up? Where do we draw the line on my sponsors cancelling their ads on my show? If this is accepted are people gonna reevaluate what I did to Michael J. Fox or wonder why I backed the Lord's Resistance Army?

"Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit?"

Will we continue to throw up bogus arguments to throw off my attackers?

"In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone's bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level."

I don't think the Government should concern itself with who marries whom or what a woman does with her uterus let alone insist that presidential contenders should make it a matter discussed on their national platforms.

"My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir."

Again, I should have used strumpet or courtesan but in an attempt to be one of the cool kids in the boy's locker room I didn't realize that the P.A. system was on and grown ups took notice of what I said.

"I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices."

My lawyers sincerely want me to apologize to Ms. Fluke for the normal way I feel about all women expressed in the WORDS I chose.

I'm certainly glad we cleared that up!

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