I am going into my fourth year now of severe financial challenges. My fellow architects and myself, we're at the end of our ropes. There's only so many times you can look for barista jobs, bartender jobs, tutoring jobs, painting apartments, or doing whatever the hell else you can do to get by.
I've been on food stamps and subsidies. Things got a little better last year, so if I want to go back on food stamps I'll have to start all over again. Having been through the ridiculously complicated process, I'm not sure it's worth the initial 15+ hours of paperwork and interviews, plus the quarterly 5+ hours of correcting math mistakes, all for a scrappy $80/month...
On to this sad bag of groceries below the orange curl....
My soon-to-be 65 year old mom has been unemployed now for about a year. She is one American who pays close attention to these unbelievable "debates" in Washington as to whether or not they'll extend UI benefits. She lives on the edge; she has a small inheritance from her father (and I mean small), a small IRA, and Social Security. That's it. She's also looking at losing her relatively decent health care from a pension from a former employer because MediCare won't work with her plan. MediCare will actually wind up costing her more than what she pays now, for less coverage. Oh, and did I mention she is a cancer survivor?
So my mother just came over to drop off a bag of groceries. Not much, she says, just what she found in her cupboard. Right.... A bag full of fruit and vegetables, canned goods, butter, and two pot roasts. Plus, she made homemade chicken soup.
I lost it. I was happy to have that food. Ecstatic. My fridge has been pathetically empty for weeks. I'm a pretty good cook, and in better days I would have frequent dinner parties. In the past few years I've gotten pretty good at cooking economically. However, these past few weeks have been different. Homemade bread, rice, beans, eggs, peanut butter, sometimes fruit and meat... My friends take great care of me, and I am friends with a few restaurant owners so I get to go out every now and then.
But this bag of groceries from my mom, from my struggling, broke, 65-year old mom, put me over the edge. Not only because I know the sacrifice on her part and I feel guilty as hell that at 43 I am taking her help when it should be the other way around, but also because I was really, really damn happy to have that food. That was a shocking, new way to feel for me.
I love dKos - I am very thankful that I have somewhere to write and vent.... where people understand what I am going through. Like I said, I have great friends, but I have to be careful not to overburden them. This is my battle, my struggle.... but I just had to write about this today. Thanks for listening.
12:31 PM PT: RECLIST??!?! Wow.... thank you.... I just needed to vent as my diary would (what I thought) slide quietly down the recent list.... I love you guys.... and most of all, I hope that we can all vent and share a little....
1:25 PM PT: TOP of the reclist????? OMG. Thank you - I hope that some of you who are also having hard times feel better venting a little bit too.... xoxo
10:48 PM PT: I cannot believe the response that this diary has gotten - I sure as heck wasn't expecting it!!! I am so touched and the discussions have been great and very, very helpful to me. I hope that others may feel a little better too. I will catch up with all of you tomorrow morning. Thank you again!!!! Xoxo