In an incredible new revelation that is sure to rock the American political scene, researchers combing over his Wikipedia page have discovered that Rush Limbaugh was not born a Limbaugh, but was in fact born to British liberals living in Nairobi, Kenya. When he was 3 years old, the Limbaugh family of Cape Girardeau, MO (a town with a French name!!) stole him and adopted him, believing they had rescued him from a life of liberalism. Little did the Limbaugh family know, but young Rush, born Rusty Sharp, had already been programmed to live a life as an undercover Democrat, for the purpose of sabotaging the Republican Party. The Limbaugh family, esteemed Missouri conservatives, were unknowingly duped into advancing the Kenyan conspiracy to destroy American conservatism.
According to the researchers, the conclusive proof of this conspiracy is the original unedited video of a young Barack Obama speaking at a protest rally at Harvard Law School -- video which captures Rush Limbaugh whispering conspiratorially with a well-known radical leftist in the audience. Unfortunately, Breitbart died before he could release the unedited footage, and that footage is believed lost to history in a password-locked file on Breitbart's computer.
The earliest evidence of this conspiracy unearthed by the researchers came during Rush's high school years as Rush embarked on his broadcasting life, working for a local radio station. When he first went on the air, he employed his African-British tribal given name, Rusty Sharp, as his on-air personality. The researchers believe that this was a signal to his Kenyan handlers. This being the late 1960s, communications were still rudimentary and slow. "Limbaugh" enrolled in a college (gasp!!) before his handlers were able to trace him and prevail upon him to drop out of college in order to maintain his facade of an ignoramus railing against the perils of education, which would be a key piece in his efforts to maintain credibility with the radical right-wing.
In subsequent years, so-called Limbaugh worked at maintaining the illusion of being a gluttonous, fatuous, arrogant, opinionated pig. This artfully crafted image, which was first conceived in the sweltering back rooms of Kenyan libraries and brothels, was the crucial artifice that enabled him to climb to the absolute pinnacle of right-wing talk radio dittoheads.
So-called Limbaugh used his prominent place in the conservative media complex to drive the Republican Party to outrageous extremes, calculated to eventually run the party off a political cliff. He forced the GOP to shut down the government in 1995, virtually guaranteeing the re-election of Bill Clinton. His efforts to deliver the 2000 election to Al Gore were thwarted by the efforts of his opposite number, Ralph Nader, who it is believed is actually part of a secret conservative cabal that conspired to elect George Bush.
Despite the Rush Limbaugh character's far greater power to destroy his supposed ideological running mates, the Nader ploy prevailed, thanks largely to the good fortune of a confusing ballot which caused a decisive number of Jewish voters to vote mistakenly for the biggest dittohead of them all, Pat Buchanan, instead of their intended candidate, VP Gore. This was quite a blow to the Kenyan "Limbaugh" conspiracy, but thankfully, the new President George Bush worked even harder to undermine the Republican party's prospects than "Limbaugh" ever could.
So-called Limbaugh spent the better part of the next 8 years building his influence and his waistline, preparing for the showdown of 2008. This election actually represented the culmination of Plan B of the Kenyan conspiracy. Around the time that the Limbaugh child was implanted into the American countryside, the Kenyan cabal sent the elder Obama to America, with the mission of fathering a future Presidential candidate.This was a back-up plan, in case the "Limbaugh" scheme was derailed for some unforeseen circumstance. Incredibly, both plans were in full flower in 2008, providing these foreign liberals with the opportunity to deliver possibly fatal blows to the American right-wing.
For his part, the Limbaugh character brilliantly attacked the eventual Republican nominee, from the right, and created brilliant satire of racist conservatives with sketches like "Barack, the Magic Negro." This two-pronged strategy weakened McCain's appeal within his natural base and caused Americans to look to their better angels in supporting the first African-American nominee. Thanks to Rush's tireless efforts, Obama was elected in a landslide.
This set the stage for Rush's master strokes, as he directed the GOP to become a 100% obstructionist party, and to support outrageously extreme legislation that alienated black voters, Muslim-Americans, Latinos, gays and homosexuals, along with those who were sympathetic to their cause, and finally in his masterpiece, concocted during the GOP primaries of 2012, Rush pushed the GOP into alienating the one group that represents an absolute majority of voters -- women. Repeating his wildly successful 2008 strategy, Rush has undermined the prospects of the eventual nominee, Romney, by criticizing him from the right, and by turning most Americans away from the conservative agenda.
These researchers have also posited that Andrew Breitbart was preparing to expose the Limbaugh-Obama Kenyan conspiracy. Although few have seen the original unedited version of the video, and the researchers themselves have not seen it, they have speculated that the video actually captures "Rush Limbaugh" whispering into the ear of Harvard law professor, Derrick Bell, while student leader Barack Obama was speaking. Breitbart's death may have left this theory without any proof, but that has not quelled the researchers' speculation. It may have been fear of exposure that forced "Limbaugh" to launch the self-immolating final act of his professional career, in an audacious attempt to drive every female voter into the arms of Democratic candidates.
The question is -- now that Rush has been exposed as the spearhead of a plot by African liberals -- now that his real identity has been exposed -- now that real Americans can see him to be a covert Democrat, playing the cartoonish role of a boorish, contemptible, hateful, bigoted right-wing extremist, will Americans turn back to the Republicans, saving its reasonable, moderate core from the oblivion to which so-called Limbaugh was working to consign the GOP? Will Republicans themselves recover from their mass delusion, perpetrated upon them by this cunning, undercover liberal in time to avert a massive electoral disaster? Or, will Rush succeed in his outrageous scheme so more ambitious than the imitation invented by the comedian Stephen Colbert, which was little more than a pale homage to the great big fat idiot himself?