If you are white, male and born pre 1680 then today's conservatives will welcome you with open arms.
If you believe
Papal decrees are right on the money, vote GOP.
Women are inherently evil, vote Republican.
The old testament is the word of Jesus, then vote Republican.
Disasters are the wrath of god, vote Republican.
That gay marriage will destroy your marriage, vote Republican.
That reducing taxes on the 1% will profit you, vote Republican.
An African American President cannot be American, vote Republican
If you believe in trickle down no matter what evidence there is to the contrary, vote Republican.
Vaginal probes are not intrusive, vote Republican.
If a using a condom is murder, vote Republican.
That religious freedom trumps freedom, vote Republican.
If drug addled perverts can be held in highest esteem, vote Republican.
The current Republican primary is a battle of conservative intellects, vote Republican.
If you have built a pyre, have matches and seek a witch, vote Republican. Note; if you are named Newt, then this is a forgone conclusion.
If you believe the above, vote Santorum.
If you don't believe but would recommend others follow them anyway, vote Romney