We have someone who has for decades now been given a daily subsidy by the government: a space on our publicly owned airwaves. There are a limited number of such spaces the government gives out, and it is space many others would like to use themselves, but can not, because the government gives it to (someone claiming to be) Rush Limbaugh instead. While receiving this public assistance, he may in fact not be who he claims to be and may even be a drug abuser. It's high time for us to demand some personal responsibility and accountability of those taking government assistance, and that we ensure they are qualified to receive that assistance and are who they say they are.
The man in question - he says he's Rush Limbaugh - has to my knowledge never produced a valid birth certificate proving that he was born in the United States. He says he was born in "Missouri", but I heard he is really from Liberia or something. So I propose legislation that each radio talk show host that wants the American public to give him or her one of our precious and limited public frequencies on the radio dial must first prove his eligibility by submitting for public inspection their Long Form birth certificate. And this must be the original paper copy, properly notarized, not some scanned version that might easily have been photoshopped. Upon submission, a local sheriff somewhere in the country, and one real estate mogul/job-creator, will be appointed to bring together a team of investigators who will attempt to confirm the veracity of the alleged document. When these teams are satisfied that it is genuine, the application for public assistance may proceed.
http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
Next, in order to combat the scourge that is Talk Show Hosting Fraud, we must ensure that those receiving these handouts from the public actually are who they say they are, and the person broadcasting each day is the one that was actually registered and approved for broadcast. A bill should be introduced therefore, requiring that each radio host on the public airwaves must show an approved photo ID to a government official each day before broadcasting. The sanctity of our public airwaves is too precious to allow it to be systematically undermined by rampant Talk Show Hosting Fraud. If anyone has doubts about the need for this, I and some of my friends are prepared to dress up as radio hosts and videotape ourselves committing Talk Show Hosting Fraud somewhere to prove how widespread the problem is.
http://thetimes-tribune.com/...
http://thinkprogress.org/...
Third, anyone receiving this public assistance should have to prove they are worthy of it and that they are not misusing the taxpayers' resources to help them engage in illegal and immoral activities like drug abuse. So each radio host on the national airwaves, after presenting their long form birth certificates, satisfying the investigators that it isn't a forgery, and submitting photo ID's to proper authorities each day, must provide a urine sample before each broadcast. For too long these people have taken their public handouts only to turn around and support their drug habits with them. It's just the way a lot of those people are.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
http://www.cbsnews.com/...
http://www.fair.org/...
Fourth, talk show hosts receiving public assistance may not use any funds derived thereof for the purchase of cigars, wine or any other alcohol or tobacco products, and may not purchase lottery tickets or take out cash at ATM machines. People have a right to expect that when someone is being given taxpayer resources that the benefits will be used responsibly and not in a frivolous manner.
http://minnesota.publicradio.org/...
Oh, and lastly, any talk show host seeking to buy Viagra must read aloud four Bible passages selected by a Catholic bishop, must be lied to by their doctor to scare them about non-existent risks, pay an extra 7% promiscuity tax, and have a wand shoved up their anus to take a picture of their colon before being approved. I'm not sure what this has to do with the other four points above, but it's gotta happen too.
http://www.cbsnews.com/...
http://www.wral.com/...
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/...
http://www.addictinginfo.org/...
With unemployment so high, it's long past time for these common sense conservative, small-government solutions to solve these important problems.