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"We've done our darndest to show that we really, really don't like women having sex. We've gotten rid of contraceptive coverage, teen sex ed and made getting an abortion a scary humiliating process.  But we're worried. Those darn women might still go out and have sex.  And, god forbid, enjoy it. that's not good.  In the spirit of turning the clock back we're going back to the 13th century. Or some darn century. Who knows. Not us, can't stand reading about history. Whenever they had chastity belts. What a great idea. time to bring it back."

Here's how it'll work. On her 13th birthday, after the cake and presents, we'll lock her in a chastity belt. She can use the color. What about when she wants to have sex.  We have that covered. She will have to be over 25.  Then she can apply for a permit. In order to get

this permit, she will  have to take a series of tests over the course of a year. These tests include competing and winning a tiathlon, getting a PhD in Persian studies and discovering the cure for cancer.  Once she has completed these tests to our satisfaction, she will be granted a permit for one night of sex."

"What about marriage.  Again, assuming she has completed the aforementioned tests she will be allowed one night on her honeymoon. Since the belt is electronically monitored, there will be no lapses. Once a year, on her anniversary, the belt will be removed."

"Some people might say that we have no authority to do this, but our religious beliefs demand that we do."

(With apologies to Margaret Atwood.  However, the Wisconsin Assembly seems to be veering to close to a Handmaid's Tale.)

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