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Poor man's closed-captioning for you:-)

-----

When a product becomes this good,

Colors, are more vibrant,

MyCash, is bigger than ever,

And our 2012 Valuation Accelerator, is the richest in the world.

One touch, and you can watch our stock price climb,

Or try the new morBucks dividend creator,

While using 4G Glad-X filtering to brighten any bad news.

Unlock our true potential with iLobby,

Because most of our cash is overseas.

When a company becomes this rich,

Tax cuts, become more brilliant,

And holidays, become standard features.

One swipe, clears history that can slow down cash processing speeds,

And reveals, our most stunning Revenue Display, on the new . . .

. . . iWhine.

Originally posted to Comics on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 06:50 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Don't let Josh at Talking Points Memo (6+ / 0-)

    (aka Apple Marketing Headquarters East) see this! ;)

    Well done.

    Paternity rules, fraternity drools. - Rick Santorum (paraphrased)

    by VictorLaszlo on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:10:01 AM PDT

    •  well, you can love the product but still agree (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      PSzymeczek, mookins, Cinnamon

      completely with Fiore.
      I was a total PC person until my younger daughter got an iPod touch. I fell in love and got myself one. Then when the iPad2 came out, I got the original iPad at $200 off.
      Now I have an iPhone.
      I love them all, but I'm pretty disgusted with Apple and think Fiore is exactly on target. I've never thought Jobs was next to god (except in his own mind).
      The problem is, before my Apple products, what I've had was technology produced by companies that are just as bad (maybe in different ways). I used to buy Dell Computers -- went off of them when it became clear they were major Bushies, and ended up with 2 POS computers, non-Dells, in a row, one of them pretty damn expensive.
      So I'm typing this on my 4 year-old Dell desktop which works pretty much perfectly.

      We're not perfect, but they're nuts! -- Barney Frank

      by Tamar on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 12:30:09 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  spot on (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    nellgwen, mollyd, cany, PSzymeczek

    as always

    Bad is never good until worse happens

    by dark daze on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:16:56 AM PDT

    •  Worthless. (0+ / 1-)
      Recommended by:
      Hidden by:
      Cinnamon

      As too often.

      Can we expect for the next episode, a vindication of Dick Cheney's "Saddam almost has the bomb" panic?

      Because, as the Guardian article I reference below points out, that was about as truthy as this was.

      Rarely does karma kick so hard and so accurately. Wrapped up in your silly desire to make yourselves special by unreasonably hating what others unreasonably love, you have made utter fools of yourself. You've gone gaga over a report whose truthfulness is no longer operative, as Nixon's old press secretary used to say.

      You have behaved as dumbly as any Republican, in other words.

      The Left doesn't need to lie and make things up. And if that isn't a convincing argument for you, there's the fact that the Left is shit-poor at lying. So, please try to support your egos in some other way than trashing Apple in ways that immediately blow up in your faces. It's a self-indulgent piece of intellectual onanism that you simply can't afford.

      "Given the fact of servitude, the feudal relationship is the only tolerable one." (George Orwell)

      by sagesource on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 10:42:51 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  It's (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    mollyd

    going to be so wonderful to chide all the crazy people, who think this is going on forever about their 'whining' when I have someone.

    Just wait..

    "When a leader speaks, that leader dies," Living Colour- Cult of Personality

    by Maori on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:20:55 AM PDT

  •  I love the smell of truth in the mornings. n/t (6+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cinnamon, EMBA30, nellgwen, quill, mollyd, JeffW

    Hope has a hole in it when Republicans come, bringing shackles and sorrow; branding their greed on the backs of the poor. - Wendy Connors

    by Wendys Wink on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:21:54 AM PDT

  •  Ha! Brilliant! nt (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cinnamon, mollyd, JeffW
  •  I'm so conflicted... (6+ / 0-)

    On one hand, my kid's special needs school uses IPads and smartboards and all manner of assistive technology to help the kids with their learning differences, and my God, it opens up whole new worlds for them.

    The whole school,  all the laptops, computers, iPads... everything are all Mac. I can't even describe the way it helps them - being able to dictate essays with talk-to-text, have the computer spellcheck and grade grammar before turning papers in, having the computer read back your essays to check if it "sounds right" helping to rewrite and edit work, being able to make multimedia presentations, not just for homework, either, they use these things every day in class.

    And so many other programs for tutoring and learning basic skills... you wouldnt' believe how programs like First in Math and Dream Box engage kids into drilling math facts into them.

    But I don't have an iPad and I don't WANT to buy one. I don't want to buy an iPhone, even though my Droid is now past it's contract. I don't want to support this company with the way they are doing business. But where can you get an American Made smartphone? Or tablet?

    “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

    by Cinnamon on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:27:01 AM PDT

    •  You can't. (6+ / 0-)

      All that wonderful smartphone stuff, computers the size of a pack of cigarettes, is made from rare minerals mined in Africa (the profits go to fund bloody warlords) and built in China, under disgusting working conditions, with no regard for the environment.

      Also,  those wonderful devices people line up to buy have the capability of tracking your every move and are very easily hacked.

      But hey! See the shiny object! Gee, what great stuff these things can do!!

    •  Buying a Droid isn't going to make it better... (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Possiamo, polecat, Tamar, mookins
      But I don't have an iPad and I don't WANT to buy one. I don't want to buy an iPhone, even though my Droid is now past it's contract. I don't want to support this company with the way they are doing business. But where can you get an American Made smartphone? Or tablet?
      Sorry, but you can't.  If you feel so bad about how Apple is doing business in China, buying an Android device isn't going to make it better.  Their stuff is made in China as well, in factories just as bad or, in many cases, worse.

      Really, if you can't bear to purchase a product made in third-world labor conditions, you need to jump off the technology train altogether.  Or you could buy an iPad and a Mac, and use the powerful creative and social media tools they provide to organize to pressure Apple and companies like them to clean up their act.

      (And I can't stress "and companies like them" enough.  I think Apple gets a lot of crap for being at the top of the heap, when they appear to me to be the best of an admittedly bad lot.  For example, remember the much publicized "suicide standoff" at the Foxconn factory, where workers were going to jump off the roof en masse unless their demands were met?  Those workers assembled X-Boxes for a living.  But if there was an outrage against Big Gaming, I must have missed it.  It just seemed to be spun as Another Incident at Apple's Factory.)

      ------RM

      •  Um... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Cinnamon
        buying an Android device isn't going to make it better.  Their stuff is made in China as well...
        Well, if your point is everything is made in China, I guess that stands, but as far as Android is concerned there is no "their" there.

        Android is a non-proprietary, open source system developed by the Open Handset Alliance, with Google of course playing a leading role. Google does not manufacture any hardware. Other Open Handset Alliance members do manufacture hardware, but you don't have to be an OHA member to put Android on your device. In fact there's a vibrant hacker community porting Android to various devices.

        The phones available to you through your carrier are determined by that carrier, but if you wanted to you could choose a GSM carrier like ATT and get an Indian-made Android phone. There are even projects to develop open source hardware phones you could build yourself, or have built for you by a geek friend, but expect to pay a little more money for a very clunky homebrew device.

        I've lost my faith in nihilism

        by grumpynerd on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 06:54:35 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Thanks Grumpynerd! (0+ / 0-)

          I ws thinking of switching to ATT already in support of the boycott against Verison Wireless.

          “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

          by Cinnamon on Fri Mar 23, 2012 at 07:25:20 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

      •  Apple is not "best of a bad lot" (0+ / 0-)

        Because when it comes to their overall business patterns, they really are no better than their competition.

        In fact, I'd argue that they're worse by virtue of their fat profit margins -- because Apple really can't make the argument that their prices would be higher if their products were built under better working conditions.

        Remember, this isn't about the merit of their products, but is about their business practices, aggressive out sourcing and offshoring policies, and their recent whining for another repatriation tax holidy.

        Political Compass: -6.75, -3.08

        by TexasTom on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:55:34 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  read my comment above -- I have a similar (0+ / 0-)

      conflict (though yours is more legitimate than mine).
      I can't figure out the solution either.

      We're not perfect, but they're nuts! -- Barney Frank

      by Tamar on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 12:34:10 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  have some iCheese to go with your iWhine. /nt (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    PSzymeczek

    Happy little moron, Lucky little man.
    I wish I was a moron, MY GOD, Perhaps I am!
    —Spike Milligan

    by polecat on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:34:33 AM PDT

  •  iWhine therefore iAm. :) (0+ / 0-)

    Happy little moron, Lucky little man.
    I wish I was a moron, MY GOD, Perhaps I am!
    —Spike Milligan

    by polecat on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:43:08 AM PDT

  •  iDeveloper, iOffended. /nt (0+ / 0-)

    Happy little moron, Lucky little man.
    I wish I was a moron, MY GOD, Perhaps I am!
    —Spike Milligan

    by polecat on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 07:44:48 AM PDT

  •  don't know if you caught the this American life (5+ / 0-)

    show with Mike Daisey, and the followup show that was even better (faulting Daisey for taking extreme liberties, to be charitable).

    The bottom line is that there seem to be a lot of apologists for the appalling work conditions we have exported - but there is simply no getting around the fact that these conditions are the direct result of companies like Apple extracting every cent of profit that they can.

    At one point someone says "but these workers actually demand to work longer hours, double 12 hour shifts, etc." as if that justifies it.   Why do you think they demand it, because they just can't get enough repetetive tedium?  Astounding...

  •  Brilliant (0+ / 0-)

    Thanks for the laughs! :)

  •  The funniest thing of all? (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    polecat, mookins

    The American Life show you're relying on was.... a fraud. And has been withdrawn by PBS. It appears that large parts of it were simply made up. As Bob Garfield wrote in the Guardian a few days ago:

    Betrayed is certainly how I feel right this minute. In the case of Mike Daisey, I myself had been his John the Baptist, telling most everyone I know about his extraordinary achievement. I had more than once uttered the words, "How could a performance artist have so scooped the whole world of journalism?"

    Here's how: by making stuff up. By reporting the presence of non-existent child laborers. By cutting a poison-chemical incident that occurred in one Chinese factory city and pasting it into another. By crafting a narrative not from the significantly impressive facts but from the glittery geegaws of the plausible.

    Which is the most anguishing aspect of the whole episode. He has made me an accessory, not just by passing along his scandalous tale, but by exploiting my preparedness to believe him. Which is precisely how Big Lies work, as well. Like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, or Saddam's supposed weapons of mass destruction. The Bush administration's fictions about Iraq frightened America because they seemed to confirm the nation's worst fears and suspicions. Mike Daisey may be no Dick Cheney, but how do I know?

    I trust nobody to seek a greater good with trivial lies, because I cannot trust myself to know the difference.

    You have stupidly fallen for a fraud because that fraud said what you wanted to hear, that the "cool kids" who liked Apple products were demonic. In other words, you were as dumb as any Republican twitching when his or her buttons were pushed.

    "Given the fact of servitude, the feudal relationship is the only tolerable one." (George Orwell)

    by sagesource on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 10:35:06 AM PDT

  •  I think it's brilliant! (0+ / 0-)

    202-224-3121 to Congress in D.C. USE it! You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage them. "We're not perfect, but they're nuts."--Barney Frank 01/02/2012

    by cany on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 10:58:41 AM PDT

  •  I am watching on a Mac, but this is da shiznit. (0+ / 0-)

    The hungry judges soon the sentence sign, And wretches hang, that jurymen may dine.

    by magnetics on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 12:12:46 PM PDT

  •  Love it (0+ / 0-)

    This guy always delivers.

  •  The problem with this cartoon (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    quill

    is that it is too true. Sadly, many people on this web site love Apple products.

    I am not among those people. I use Microsoft and PC-compatible products. Recently, I bought a computer whose parts were (mostly) made in the U.S., and which was hand-assembled here in America. (It would have been 100% U.S. made, if certain necessary components, like the mainboard, were made by American companies.)

    But I certainly stand by the commentary made by Fiore. He is 100% correct about the Chinese laborers who slave away building Apple's products.

    I urge everyone here to give up their iPads, iPhones, iPods, and all other Apple products. I know that it won't happen -- I'll urge you anyway.

  •  BUY MAINGEAR or VELOCITY MICRO (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    quill, mookins
  •  Apple & my cartoons (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    mookins, TexasTom

    Okay, confession time for me.  If it wasn't for Apple, I probably never would have started animating my cartoons.  Even though I've been known to bash Apple and some of their policies, their gadgets have helped me out quite a bit.

    I think I can still use their equipment and call them out on a bogus tax holiday.  

    As far as how I personally handle the whole manufacturing/safety issue . . . I generally pick up the dregs, one or two versions later.  Buy used, buy refurbished, etc.

    So shiny, so sleek, yesss, my precioussssss . . .

    •  explanation time (0+ / 0-)

      Explain why Apple should pay income tax in the US on a product made in china and sold in China to Chinese. I can think of a lot of reason they should pay tax to the Chinese, but why to the US? say they use the money to invest in manufacturing facilities in Japan or China or anywhere else. Again, on what grounds are we taxing that as income in the US (at least until they decide to bring it back tot he US to (a) distribute to US shareholders, pay US employees, buy goods in the US.

      •  re: explanation time (0+ / 0-)

        If I'm understanding your question correctly-- the issue isn't taxing them at all for the money that stays overseas, in China, using your example.  The tax hit comes when they bring their corporation's money back here to the United States.  

        It's not too revolutionary of an idea: I believe that American corporations should be taxed because they are part of our society and reap huge benefits from being in the United States, and therefore should contribute like everyone else.  If you want to be a Chinese company, go for it.  (But lose the Cupertino headquarters.)  You shouldn't be able to dodge paying taxes just because you get income from overseas.  

  •  Yep, I use Apple products, but this is... (0+ / 0-)

    getting to me.

    Not to mention Google's discontinued "do no evil" mantra.

    Not to mention all the other once brilliant but now buried slogans about taking care of the people.

    iProtest the evil done in my name or in my purchase.

    I have no *pad but a legal pad of yellow pages.

    Ugh. --UB.

    "Daddy, every time a bell rings, a Libertaria­n picks up his Pan Am tickets for the Libertaria­n Paradise of East Somalia!"

    by unclebucky on Thu Mar 22, 2012 at 01:49:22 PM PDT

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