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Jesus Christ, the renowned Jewish philosopher and religious scholar viewed by many as their Lord and Savior, will address a nationally televised joint session of the United States Congress this coming Tuesday, April 3, at 8 PM Eastern time.

According to officials, neither the purpose nor subject of Jesus’s historic address will be known in advance. When asked if this most unprecedented appearance is in any way related to a possible pending apocalypse, a representative of the enigmatic church leader cryptically responded, “Does He look Mayan to you?”

The announcement was made following a reportedly heated closed-door session of the Republican Congressional Caucus which was necessitated by a division within its ranks over whether or not to adopt the concurrent resolution necessary to convene a joint session...

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Mentatmark, cermakRd, kurt

    Faux and Balanced News You Can Almost Believe - TheDesperateBlogger.com

    by real satire on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 03:49:11 PM PDT

  •  Well, to be honest (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Mentatmark
    “Does He look Mayan to you?”
    Given the fact he wasn't a blond-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian the Teahadists would say that he did look Mayan or probably Arabic.

    "What profit a man, if he gain the world, but has to pay taxes on it?" Paul 8:36

    From the Gospel of St. Ron Paul in the Teachings and Misunderstandings of the Words of Adam Smith

    by ontheleftcoast on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 03:54:42 PM PDT

  •  He'll have to leave the hoodie at the door n/t (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Bob Love, kurt

    I will vote for Obama, and every Democrat I can vote for, in 2012.

    by Food Gas Lodging on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 03:58:08 PM PDT

  •  Let me say, kindly, that I suppose this is your (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ontheleftcoast, EdMass, Wreck Smurfy

    idea of satire, or something.  Candidly, I don't get it, although I totally support your right to write and post it.  I have a lot more I'd like to say but have decided to leave it here.  But, let me be clear, I don't find this funny nor do I find it "snark" worthy.

    Andy's two-timin' tail run off wiff mah sig line!

    by nannyboz on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:06:04 PM PDT

    •  This diarist uses DK to direct traffic to his blog (6+ / 0-)

      They post a couple of paragraphs and then give a link to the rest of the content near the bottom. I followed the link a couple of times and honestly it wasn't worth it. It's not strictly trollworthy but it provides an opportunity for some community fun.

      "What profit a man, if he gain the world, but has to pay taxes on it?" Paul 8:36

      From the Gospel of St. Ron Paul in the Teachings and Misunderstandings of the Words of Adam Smith

      by ontheleftcoast on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:11:22 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thanks for the explanation. I wasn't aware of (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        ontheleftcoast, Wreck Smurfy

        that and was sort of going "huh?" when I read this.  Additionally, I don't think this crap is useful, just my .02.  Thanks again for the down low, makes sense now, in a way.

        Andy's two-timin' tail run off wiff mah sig line!

        by nannyboz on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:22:40 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  real satire used to post the whole thing here, (0+ / 0-)

        I guess now he/she's looking for traffic to he/she's site instead.

        I was thinking this diary was unfinished... instead it is a snippet.

        real satire's been posting here a long time and I often found his/her humor to be good. This one though with the teaser section is unfinished and I'm too tired to follow it over at his/her blog.

  •  Why not post it all here? nt (3+ / 0-)

    "I was a big supporter of waterboarding" - Dick Cheney 2/14/10

    by Bob Love on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:23:08 PM PDT

    •  well it gets complicated... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      doinaheckuvanutjob, Bob Love

      I've posted my full pieces here, and been reported for unfair use of copyrighted material, blah, blah, blah...

      I've posted partial pieces with a link, and been called  a 'troll'...

      If I posted a partial piece from, for example, AP or The New York Times, I wouldn't be accused of 'trolling' for them...

      AND...

      after several years -- believe it or not -- there are actually advertisers interested in sponsoring my site to whom it would be a disservice to publish on too many sites in entirety.

      Personally, I would love for someone from DK who actually has enough standing that they have access to my personal email to proffer an opinion.... I have long-since run out of patience for the many self-appointed DK content cops...

      They are to DailyKos what George Zimmerman is to Florida law enforcement....

      Faux and Balanced News You Can Almost Believe - TheDesperateBlogger.com

      by real satire on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 08:22:58 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I've seen you get some rough treatment here, (0+ / 0-)

        so I can understand you're frustration. I've found most of your work to be really funny and well done.

        I don't think I can help you other than to wander in when I see your writing and offer a compliment.

        You might try emailing Meteor Blades, he is a very fair minded and most influential person here if you want feedback on how to work with this place.

      •  I should add that there are some well established (0+ / 0-)

        rules here for posting that deal with copywright issues. You can find those rules in the FAQ or email Meteor Blades if you're uncertain about them once you read them.

        Avoiding run afoul of those rules might help your work here get better reception. I've enjoyed your satires quite a bit.

        •  Thanks very much for taking the time... (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          doinaheckuvanutjob

          I really appreciate it.

          The last time I looked at the rules was when I first started posting here, so a re-check is probably in order...

          I've never had a post removed, or heard anything from the 'powers that be' regarding any innapropriate activity, so as far as I know, any problems have been with the 'self-appointed community watch captains', not the authorities.

          And since with them I'm damned-if-I-do or damned-if I-don't...

          ... But again, my thanks for your consideration, 'Brownie'.

          Faux and Balanced News You Can Almost Believe - TheDesperateBlogger.com

          by real satire on Sat Mar 31, 2012 at 05:33:33 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  You're very welcome. I hope you can continue (0+ / 0-)

            to post here, I enjoy your satires a lot.

            One suggestion is to post at different times. I've found that different commenters post at different times. So if you have an unreceptive audience, you could try to post at a different time.

  •  Hey, here's an idea, how about you replace (0+ / 0-)

    Jesus with Muhammad or Elijah and of course, correct text for appropriate religious affiliation.  

    Funny, funny, funny...

    Not

    Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

    by EdMass on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:23:14 PM PDT

    •  I'm curious (0+ / 0-)

      Why are you offended? Are you Christian? I found the references of Boehner having to mollify his Tea Party wing to be hilarious.

      But I'm not Christian anymore, so maybe this is something that offends Christians? I guess I don't see why it would, it wouldn't have when I was Christian.  It doesn't portray him as actually saying anything or doing anything offensive.

      I'm Jewish and personally I'd like to see a similar scenario but with Moses.

      •  Thanks... I'm not religious, but... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        cermakRd

        from a Jewish upbringing and married to an Irish Catholic...

        Before I even began writing this, I ran the idea past a good friend who happens to be an Anglican priest (he married my wife and me...) to get his opinion on the 'offensive factor'...

        Granted, he is not your typical priest, but loved the idea -- even more so when I told him what Jesus was going to do when he appeared before Congress...

        Faux and Balanced News You Can Almost Believe - TheDesperateBlogger.com

        by real satire on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 09:05:53 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  Well, since you asked (0+ / 0-)

        First, your question is not relevant.

        My beliefs are not the issue.  

        The issue is that the diarists has chosen to make only one religious icon the point of the joke, Other icons? it would not have gone well, imho.

        For example, using Muhammed as the foil?  As I understand, that is forbidden.  Not saying, right or wrong, am saying Jesus and Christianity are easy targets with no recompense for doing so.  

        Great, you'd welcome derision of Moses, your opinion...not disputing that.  Based on what I've read here, you wouldn't be alone.

        If one is bold enough to deride one religion, they should deride all, as many atheists have done here.

        The diarist, is attempting to cover based on a conversation with an Anglican?  (see below)

        This whole thing is just a fail.

        Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

        by EdMass on Sat Mar 31, 2012 at 09:50:15 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Christianity is the majority religion in the US (0+ / 0-)

          Which would be reason enough for it to be the most often lampooned religion as well. Plus, it's not forbidden to put Jesus in ahistorical situations. And this piece did not have Jesus doing anything awful.

          And just what's wrong with the Anglicans as examples of Christianity? It's a pretty good faith with a heck of a longer lineage than most of the fly-by-night evangelical branches around here.

          You seem a little sour to me. And yes, DK trends young and there are a lot of atheists about. Many of whom are former Christians with some amount of bitterness. I'm not seeing that sort of bitterness in this piece however.

  •  Nix. He's On the No-Fly List nt (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    kurt

    We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for victims of our nation and for those it calls enemy.... --ML King "Beyond Vietnam"

    by Gooserock on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 04:55:25 PM PDT

  •  This is sort of funny ... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    real satire

    it is an somewhat amusing take on what Repubs would do if confronted by Jesus ....

    my main complaint is that the author used the term: Mr. Christ ... "Christ" is not the last name of Jesus ... it is a title

    The historical Jesus would have been known as Jesus (actually Yeshua or some variation  of) ben Joseph ..
    in English:  Joshua Josephson

    According to the theology of many Christians, Jesus has addressed Congress many times ...and many times they have said No to him or his representative .. the most recent time:  Sarah Fluke

    "For as you do to the least of these..."

    Give your heart a real workout! Love your enemies!

    by moonbatlulu on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 09:59:51 PM PDT

    •  As the great comedian Bill Hicks... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kurt

      said when confronted by self-proclaimed 'Christians' who were offended by his comedy -- "Forgive me!"

      But seriously, if we're going to be literal, you are, of course, totally correct...

      I am aware that Jesus, as those more scholarly than myself would point out, is considered 'The Christ". It is a title, not a name.

      However, when writing a 'news item', as a very wise person once observed, "never let facts get in the way of a good narrative"...

      I'm glad you found humor in it, just as I'm glad that nobody so far has confused this item for something real.  [The Republicans are beoming that hard to satirize as they've become a caricature -- there's almost no qoute ridiculous enough to 'atttribute' to  a prominent Republican that many people won't believe is factual...]

      Faux and Balanced News You Can Almost Believe - TheDesperateBlogger.com

      by real satire on Fri Mar 30, 2012 at 11:01:10 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Worth reading for this line alone: (0+ / 0-)
    as well as Mr. Boehner’s personal assurance that he will suspend his regular tanning sessions until after the November election in order to help draw what Tea Party leaders describe as “a sharper contrast between us and the President.”
    this is the kind of quote that should go viral on facebook.

    explain how letting gays marry will directly affect your own heterosexual relationship?

    by bluestatesam on Sat Mar 31, 2012 at 03:19:21 AM PDT

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