From my original article I am the face of child sexual abuse, I wrote the following:
...sometimes we are unable to find value in ourselves as human beings because we were once just objects used to satisfy someone's abnormal sexual desires. Once we are old enough to realize that what our abusers did to us isn't right, we begin to think that maybe we had no worth, because no one protected us, no one stood up for us, no one cared.
Used and discarded, we are left to seek out "love" and "value" in the only way we know how, through sexual behaviors that aren't rooted in real relationships.
And this is something I want to touch on today - Worth and Value
When we were kids, we were taught our abuser's lives were more important than our own. Protect the family, he's a pillar of the community, do you know what this would do to his reputation, to our family reputation? You're just a kid, you'll get over it.
Each of these statements told me that HIS life was more important than mine. It was HIM we needed to protect - not me.
As Pat Robertson's "teaching sheet" said Be sure you understand the consequences of any action you decide to take. Here again, we are being told that by reporting suspected abuse, beware - you might damage someone's reputation.
But in all of this, the same heart-wrenching cry is evoked from all survivors - the same guttural reaction SwedishJewfish (Rebecca) shared with her F*&k Joe Paterno post -
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??
What value do we place on a child's life. Is a child's life REALLY worth less than that of the abuser? And, if this is the message we give to children, (it was the message given to me) why are we surprised by the path most choose to cope?
From my interview:
"Child protective services came to my house, they interviewed me, they spoke with my mom and dad. At the end of the interview, they look at me and say 'well, do you want to press charges?" And I look at my mom and dad, and I don't know, they don't have the tools, they weren't equipped they didn't know how to deal with it....(Dr. Laura: They sat quietly?) They sat quietly!
Two weeks later, three weeks later, I say to my mom, I try to talk about it, and she screams at me; "We will NOT talk about this. If you need help, you will go see a counselor, you will go to a psychiatrist"....And six or seven months later, Dr. Laura, I kid you not, they put me BACK in his presence. They took me back to the lake... and they acted like nothing happened. and for the rst of my life that's how I had to live, like nothing happened..."
What value do we put on a child's life? I was told I had none. That I was disposable. Is it no wonder, then, that I had no self-worth? And I was one of the lucky ones! My descent into alcohol and abusive behaviors was moderate compared to most. But that desire to tamp down those memories, by whatever means necessary, still exists. Destructive behaviors - drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, inappropriate sexual relationships, abusive relationships, perpetually putting oneself in dangerous situations, over-eating, bulimia, anorexia, cutting - coping mechanisms for so many victims. Most don't make it to the other side.
We must do better. We must find victims and survivors and tell them they DO have value. Their lives aren't worthless - the people who were supposed to protect them are the worthless ones.
I just want to wrap my arms around that little 5-year-old girl and tell her nothing's going to happen to her again. And that she's not to blame. And she's not tearing the family apart and ruining his reputation. And that she is loved, protected, valued. And that I will NEVER let him hurt her again...
Tree Climbers is a community diary series for survivors of childhood sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and those who support them.
Tree Climbers sustain each other, learn about childhood abuse, recover, and discover and create ways to protect children.
Trigger Warning - The next paragraph holds brutal words. Feel free to scroll past it.
In a typical diary, you might read of someone who survived the grooming (this does not mean hair brushing), the fondlings, the rapings, the beatings, the mutilations or the death threats perpetrated by a sadistic egocentric molester of an innocent. Criminals abuse their victims. For years. Families refuse to believe the victims. For years. Victims report being dead inside. For years. Families and society have stifled the voices of victims and magnified and perpetuated the abuse. For years. We weep. We rage. We heal. We inspire.
We invite you to climb or be lifted up in our safe tree with us. We have broad branches, sunshine, hammocks, cushions, and plenty of tissues. Comment on the diary, ask questions, and share your perspective or even your story. If you are too overwhelmed to speak, you can just witness. That's okay. A few of the Tree Climbers are as silent as a jury.
Tree Climbers Rule: Be kind.
No T r o l l s. When we were children, we had no power. But we are no longer children. Climbing trees is not healthy for trolls - everybody knows that. If you act like a troll in our tree, we will calmly watch while you become invisible.
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Special diaries and a radio broadcast. If you missed the first few days of the Tree Climbers, we recommend that you read the following three diaries and also listen to a radio interview.
• F**k Joe Paterno by Rebecca, January 22, 2012.
• “No One Spoke Up for Us": For The Children Who Had No Voice and for Those Finally Finding Theirs by Rebecca, January 26, 2012.
• In Solidarity. There is No True Justice for a Crime That Lasts Forever by dear occupant, January 26, 2012.
• Roxine's radio interview. On Dr. Laura's radio show on November 11, 2011, Roxine read her letter on air (8 minutes). You can read the text in "No One Spoke Up for Us."
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National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.4673.
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