I see they are finally getting ready to try and hang 'the mastermind of 911' Khalid Sheik Mohammad. And it's about time too. We sunk Osama, we'll hang or shoot or gas the Sheik, whatever is most humane of course, and then we can say, Victory Won, Justice Done, Let's Bring the Troops Home!
What? You don't believe in miracles? It's only right after so much brave fighting, we bring justice to 911, heal the nation's wound and move on. The President has said after he is reelected he will be free to do some things right – maybe this is one of them. Peace in Our Time.
But, what I want to talk about is how torture and justice go hand and hand.
The Evil Sheik was Waterboarded 183 times. In.One.Month. He is the undisputed champ of water-boarding; the Sheik is King. And in those 183 times they dragged the truth out of him from A-to-Z. He admitted to everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
911 has been solved on the back of righteous torture. All you crazy 911 conspiracy nuts can go back to your Ron Paul campaign bus and meet-up at The Olive Garden to discuss 2016. There is no conspiracy because the Sheik admitted to everything. Ask him. We got his confession on top secret classified tape. And with a confession of guilt, no one has to offer any evidence. It's better that way. Cleaner. Open and Shut.
Remember this guy Khalid Sheik Mohammad was one tough, hardened cookie. It took 183 dunks in one month to get the truth out of him. So don't go saying, “Hey torture is worthless, it only gets you false confessions.”
Obviously that's not true or we wouldn't be bringing him to trial, finding him guilty and hanging the sucker from the tallest tree. He confessed fair and square and so now we get to kill him. End.Of.Story.
So, torture, like greed, is good. Whatever it takes.
You see, the system does work. We arrested him, tortured him and are bringing him to trial. It's the American Way. Due process. A fair trial among his peers with the evidence presented and defended against.
Psych! We don't have to do that because he confessed from A-to-Z. He planned it, organized it and flew the planes by remote control himself. Psych! Ask him. He has nothing to hide. It was tortured out of him. He was water-boarded 183 times. He liked it. The crazy terrorist liked it. Think about it. Okay, I am not as hard and trained and committed as the Evil Sheik, but I would have admitted to 911, JFK, RFK, MLK and the the Sinking of the Maine after about two seconds the first time water-boarded. That would have been a false confession. Happens all the time. They pour the water for a few seconds, you tell them what they want to hear, anything to make it stop – that is the point of torture to have the victim do anything to get the agony to stop – and then you get juice and a cookie and go back to your cell, where they never think about you again. In the best of worlds.
But the Sheik took 183 times and not just a few seconds each time either. The Sheik is King of Water-Boarding. He can take in a lot of water. He denied and denied and denied and finally they broke him and then kept breaking him until they were sure they got the truth. Because that's what anyone in their right mind would want as regards the Crime of the Millennium. T.R.U.T.H.
The government wouldn't lie. They knew the truth all along – the Sheik did it. He just confirmed the information for them. They wouldn't lie. They're Americans for god's sake. Truth, Justice and The American Way. Amen.
Sorry, if I am rambling, it's just so damn uplifting to know we got the bad guys and we can now end the wars, bring the boys and girls home, turn our swords to plough-shares, rebuild our infrastructure, refurbish our schools, build monuments to the fallen and give thanks to God for Peace in Our Time.
In conclusion, thanks be to heaven for torture to give us closure for that awful day so we can move on and get back on track and remember our principles and pursue the virtues yada, yada.
And remember if it wasn't for the courage and fortitude and the willingness to throw the Geneva Conventions and the Constitution out the door, this day might never have come. Thank you Dick Cheney. You are a real American Patriot.