Last night, Stephen Colbert looked at how Fox News is desperately trying to make good economic news look like bad economic news.
Nation, you know, I believe that America's greatest days are ahead of us. That's why every so often it is important to remind ourselves, no they're not. Because otherwise Barack Obama might get credit for it. So you can imagine how I felt this morning when I turned on Fox News, only to face my worst fear: good news.
4/5/2012:
BILL HEMMER: It's the best time of the year. We just came out of March Madness, that opening day today, round one at Augusta.
MARTHA MACCOLLUM: Who's so excited about spring? It's almost Easter so you can give up your Lent.
BILL HEMMER: That's right, Easter's in three days, Passover's in one, I mean, hot dog! The weather's great, we have no complaints, we're just happy people.
....
MARTHA MACCOLLUM: We've got some good news. On the job front this morning, weekly job applications fell to 357,000, and the arrow is down, as you can see. That is the lowest number we've seen in four years.
Martha, I thought we were friends! A lot of us are working very hard to remind America that this man is destroying our country. But then you and Happy Hemmer come along with your pretty green arrow, and take a big sunshine dump on our rain parade!
I can't believe it. If only someone could bring us back to Earth, and then keep going until we're six feet under. And it would help if he resembled a conniving funeral home director. Jim, have you got anything?
4/5/2012:
MARTHA MACCOLLUM: Stuart Varney joins me now. ... Clearly, the trend line is a good one, Stuart.
STUART VARNEY: Yeah, the trend line is good, but I have to point out to you, Martha, that the downside move, the fewer number of people applying for unemployment claims, that has stalled. We've gone from 400,000 six months ago, to 350-360 now. And we haven't moved lower for the past four weeks. So we've stalled coming down. That's not particularly good news.
Thank you for that perspective, Stu. Things are getting better. But they're not getting more better any faster. Just the same amount of better, which is worse.
Well, I want to echo Stu Varney's sentiments, and remind you it's always brightest before the dusk. And the fragrance of the sweetest blossom carries with it the first whiff of decay. Even the perfect infant you cradle in your arms will one day grow old and die. And your friends won't be there to comfort you, because they'll be dead too.
Remember the good times, and more importantly, remember that they are over and can never happen again.
Ashes. Nothing but ashes. The happiness you feel today is merely the plateau from which you will soon plummet. And during that freefall, you'll remember that you left the stove on. Barack Obama.
Video below the fold.
Stephen then premiered his new crime segment, focusing on a
serial manatee mailbox killer. He then showed the video he recorded himself of a
motorcycle rider in the Lincoln Tunnel.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at the embarrassing GSA boondoggle for their Las Vegas conference with special guest Bill O'Reilly. No, really.
He then looked at all the
fundraising e-mails the Obama campaign sends out, and where they miss the mark.
Stephen talked with
Anne Rice, while Jon talked with
Anthony Bourdain.