Cancer Treatment Support; where do you get yours and what does it look like?
When I was first diagnosed with cancer I turned to my immediate friends for support. I had no first hand experience of anyone with cancer. Well, my mother died of leukemia when I was 8 but that was decades ago and I wasn’t really aware of much then.
Most of my friends did have some first hand (or would that be second hand?) knowledge of cancer. Meaning, they all knew someone who had gone through cancer. These were the first people I turned to as I started to process this new information and to make decisions about my treatment.
My friends were all helpful for the most part; quietly listening to me, while I talked through my fears. Sharing with me what cancer had been like for other people they had known. Some put me in touch with specialists and doctors for second opinions which was incredibly useful in my decision making process.
As I‘m sure I have said before, I was raised with my doctors being D.O.’s rather than M.D.’s so I’ve always had a bit of a different outlook on medicine. I needed support for having cancer in general and also support for my nontraditional choice of treatment.
My friends were mostly non judgmental, which was wonderful. One of my friends did not like my choices though she was very positive about it; she just kept asking me “Are you sure about that?” Finally she set me up with her best friends’ son who is a hot shot oncologist and researcher. He would never have taken me on as a client without her influence.
It turns out that his PA has a brother who is a D.O. so that school of medicine is not foreign to them. Also due to his research and practice in other countries, he and I are on the same page as far as chemo and radiation and breast cancer go, so I have support there.
I had the support of my surgeon because he works in many other countries and as a result seemed to get that the US standard of care might not be the best and is certainly not the only standard of care.
I continue to have the support of a great psychotherapist who had cancer twice 28 years ago. I also have a great doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine who I would and do trust with my life.
My biggest support has come from hanging out with others who have cancer. I do that at Gilda’s Club. That’s where I have met people with all kinds of cancer getting all kinds of treatment. Granted most of them choose allopathic treatments or didn’t choose at all, just let their doctors choose for them. (And there is something to be said for that kind of faith rather than having to do all the crazy kinds of research I did!)
I admit that when I first went to Gilda’s I thought that my choice was THE choice; you know the one right choice. And I still do think it’s the one right choice for me, for now.
What I have learned is that everyone’s choice might be the right one for them. I was quite certain that chemo would do me more harm then good - the same with radiation. But you should see me talking with women who are going down that path to see how supportive I’ve become. Who am I to tell them that chemo won’t work? Maybe it will for them. And if it’s what allays their fears then I say go for it.
I have met people who have used every method available only to have their cancer come back again and again and again. I have met people who tried one thing and now seem to be cured. I have met enough folks with cancer to begin to believe that it’s a bit of a crapshoot. The treatment that you feel most comfortable with, that aligns with your beliefs is the one that is right for you.
There is something about that in person, one on one, in your face, looking straight in the eyes of someone else with cancer that is life altering. It makes anything other than respect very difficult.
I met a woman who did not have cancer but carried the gene for breast cancer so had a double mastectomy because the fear and worry she was experiencing over cancer was consuming her. Believe it or not all I felt for her was support. Good for her for following her gut.
There are many little sub groups that meet weekly at my local Gilda’s to share and support each other. There are not yet enough people using alternative methods to form a group but once I spoke up in a class to talk about my treatment choices, I have received nothing but support, care, and compassion.
Amazingly, or perhaps it’s only to be expected, the more support I receive the more supportive I become - of myself and others.
Where do you get your cancer treatment support and what does it look like?
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 8-9 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together.