From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Bzzzt!!! Bzzzt!!! Ack Ack!!! Ahooogah!!!
Attention Republicans:
The National Waffler Service has issued a Mitt Romney Base Abandonment Watch effective from now through Tuesday, November 6th. An abandonment watch means that conditions are favorable for Mitt Romney to back away from his "severely conservative" GOP base-friendly positions by increasingly desperate leaps and bounds. Included in the watch area are:
Ending Medicare as we know it
Privatizing Social Security
Treating corporations as people
Drowning government agencies in the bathtub
Restoring 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'
Getting rid of Planned Parenthood
Opposing the Buffett Rule
Eliminating the Department of Housing and Urban Development
Encouraging the U.S. auto industry to "go bankrupt"
Not being concerned about the very poor
Labeling the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq as "tragic"
Shredding the social safety net
Rich moms can stay home/Poor moms must work outside the home
"Self-deportation" of immigrants
Bible-based "science"
Letting the housing market "hit bottom"
Ayn Randism
Killing the DREAM Act
The Bush Doctrine of preemptive war
Enjoyment in firing people
Overturning Roe v. Wade
Tax subsidies for Big Oil
More tax breaks for billionaires
Mandatory state fair corn dog consumption
Should an actual base abandonment occur, the appropriate warning will be issued. Please note that the these conditions may be accompanied by additional damaging flip flops, flop flips, flip flop flips, gaffes, blunders, "hot mic moments" and attempts at humor followed by condescending "HehHehHehs" that come uncomfortably close to sounding like George W. Bush. Republicans are urged to stay tuned to the National Waffler Service for updates, instructions, and links to the nearest online "Christie in 2016" support group shelter.
Now back to your regularly-scheduled blogging…
Cheers and Jeers fumes below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Note: We got an email from the Nigerian finance minister who said he needed a bank account number to transfer millions of dollars. We gave him yours. He sends you many greetings and blessings.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Earth Day: 5
Days 'til the Central Railroad Festival in Central, South Carolina: 11
Percent of Americans who say their job is very or somewhat satisfying: 70%
Percent who say their job is extremely stressful: 17%
(Source: Parade)
Amount by which March was above-normal in terms of average temperatures: 8.6 degrees
Minimum number of heat records that were broken last month: 15,000
(Source: Time)
Number of GOP presidential candidates who say they were told by God to run but eventually bowed out: 4
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
I see a way for someone other than Romney to be the nominee, it’s quite simple really. Get the mainstream media to dump what they have on Romney too early. Since Romney doesn’t have the delegates needed yet, and Gingrich hasn’t gotten out of the race, we still have a way to end up with someone other than Romney. It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out they have something to torpedo Romney’s campaign. However, I’m hoping they jump too early so we can still switch candidates and then derail Obama’s re-election strategy.
---Commenter gfieldj at RedState
All together now: 1…2…3…
Brilliant!!!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Civilization reaches the high water mark of the technology age.
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CHEERS to coffer-filling time. Yesterday was a holiday here in Maine---Patriot's Day. It commemorates the 1775 rout of the Tory bastards from Concord to Boston at the hands of the Minutemen. As usual, we celebrated by chasing tourists with British accents into the sea. (Full disclosure: we had to team up with the Tea Party for this because they own all the "Don’t Tread On Me" flags.) But today it's back to work, and that includes informing you that you have mere hours to finish your taxes or risk knowing that it was your delinquency that brought down the republic. Oh, and Billy's tip of the day: if you're filing electronically, don’t forget to stick a stamp on your monitor or it'll get returned. [Tips hat] Yrwelcome. Now help yourself to a few minutes at the Red Bull IV drip bar.
JEERS to the return of the Party of "No!" Republicans will fight tooth and nail to defund PBS (roughly $400 million per year) because "a penny saved is a penny earned!" But they won’t vote for a 30% minimum income tax on millionaires---the so-called "Buffett rule" which failed last night in the Senate in a 51 to 45 cloture vote---because, apparently, "A penny saved is a shut the fuck up you stupid Democrats!" And there ya have it. GOP Hypocrisy in all its glory---no subtlety, no second-guessing, no shame. And in return, keep those campaign contributions comin', Astors and Vanderbilts! You…complete them.
CHEERS to a good ground game. The AFL-CIO says its Super PAC will forego big TV campaigns and instead focus on the ground game. Good move---mobilizing voters is what they're really, really good at. The air war gets all the glory, sure, but the ground game is where the shoe leather meets the road. Besides, as kos pointed out last week:
My prediction right now---the Super PACs won't have a perceptible impact on the presidential race. … [R]emember, it took well over $100 million to drag Romney over the line against 4th-tier shit candidates like Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. (And let's not forget how well that effort worked out for Romney himself, sporting record-low favorability ratings for a major party nominee.) …
They can sink hundreds of millions of [dollars] trying to turn [Obama] into the boogeyman they think he is at Fox News, but people have already made up their own minds. The only question was whether the GOP would put up someone they might like more than Obama. They didn't. Not even close.
But we'll knock on a few doors, anyway. It's good exercise.
CHEERS to masters of the quill. The Pulitzer Prizes were announced yesterday, and you can check 'em out here. Congratulations to Kossack Matt Wuerker for winning the prize in editorial cartooning, with a hat tip to finalist Matt Bors. (C&J failed to win anything for the 47th straight year, but that which does not kill us only makes us...um...either stronger or whinier. I forget which but you're probably safe putting your money on the latter.) One award that wasn't given out this year was the one for fiction. But they've got a slam dunk for next year. I believe it's called the Ryan budget.
JEERS to thinking with the wrong head. President Obama spent his weekend in Colombia at a summit dominated by thoughtful discussions and agreements among nations Secret Service Hooker Scandal Secret Service Hooker Scandal Secret Service Hooker Scandal Secret Service Hooker Scandal Secret Service Hooker Scandal Secret Service Hooker Scandal!!! The military says it's embarrassed by the incident, and they promise that those involved will be punished. Starting with a firm slap on the wrist walkie-talkie.
CHEERS to our creepy neighbors. A California neuropharmacologist and biologist has finished an exhaustive study of Viking 2 documentation and concluded that there's a 99 percent chance of bacterial life on another planet. His first sign: the one on the door that says "Congressman Allen West."
JEERS to Jabba the Nut. Living up to the insane notion that you can contract your way to prosperity, Maine Republican Governor Paul LePage used his line-item veto to chop millions out of the budget passed by our Republican-controlled legislature last week. Main reason: it doesn't step on the necks of the poor hard enough. Some people agree with his reasoning. Other people disagree and would like to see that funding restored. But here's what I'm thinking, based on hours of number-crunching and late-night research and reflection: Holy shit…Paul LePage has figured out he has line-item veto power. We'll just quietly sink into the ocean now. Toodles---It's been fun.
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Four years ago in C&J: April 17, 2008
CHEERS to Time Travel. George Stephanopoulos yesterday, defending himself for co-moderating Wednesday night's Democratic debate so horribly:
"The questions we asked [about flag pins and the Weather Underground and a former marine's patriotism and man/flag love] were tough and fair and appropriate and relevant and what you would expect to be asked in a presidential debate at this point."
Now here's George Stephanopoulos, circa 1992 (via a clip played on
The Colbert Report), retro-slapping himself silly for his atrocious job of co-moderating Wednesday night's Democratic debate:
"What [we need] to do in this campaign is focus on what's important to the American people. On the jobs and the education. That's what the American people care about. They want to move into the future. They don't want to be diverted by side issues."
Thank you, Old George. Now do the right thing and give New George a wedgie.
[4/17/12 Update: Five years later, still the Ryan Seacrest of journamalism.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Wanker Slayer. Once upon a time in the blogiverse, a stranger came to town and dropped the biggest bombshell the world had ever seen…
Is this thing on?
22:13 0 Comments
Okay, okay…so it took him awhile to unpack his jammies. But in short order the blogger known mysteriously as
"Atrios" (aka Duncan Black), soon developed the proverbial "large and loyal following" at the site he calls
Eschaton. Today is the site's
tenth blogiversary, and we'd be remiss if we didn’t tip our hat to the "Dirty Fucking Hippie" from his self-described "urban hellhole" of Philadelphia. He was especially ahead of the curve on the economic meltdown and the Iraq debacle, but for my money he secured his place in the Blogger Hall of Fame with the immortal post,
Preznit giv me turkee. Heh, indeedy.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"In many ways, the worst enemy of NASA is 'Cheers and Jeers.' Bill in Portland Maine says 'Swoosh Gong!!!' and the ship moves. And people think, 'How hard can this be?'"
---Scott Pace, director of space policy
George Washington University
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