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Jon Stewart had a good piece last night on the GOP whining over the Buffett Rule with the help of John Hodgman.

To the Senate floor!
4/16/2012:

SEN. JON KYL, R-AZ: The Buffett Tax would raise a mere pittance in the scope of federal budgets.

SEN. PAT TOOMEY, R-PA: It would cover about two days' worth of the deficits.

SEN. JOHN THUNE, R-SD: It would raise about half of one day's worth of federal spending.

"That wouldn't pay for a half-day's work on the secret Reanimate Ronald Reagan Project... oops!  Zombie Reagan, shouldn't mention!"  But point taken, Senator Thune.

....

Senator Thune is pointing out that the Buffett Rule would only raise $47 billion dollars over the next 10 years, and that's barely $18.79.... Why didn't I ever learn to divide by ten??

Anyway, the point is $4.7 billion dollars per year isn't worth the trouble!

SEN. JOHN THUNE, R-SD (4/8/2011): The broader debate about funding for Planned Parenthood is not just ideological, it is a funding issue. ... Over $300 million dollars a year in taxpayer funds.

SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (4/14/2011): $363 million dollars a year to Planned Parenthood.  Ahh, that's a lot!

Well there's some new math for ya!  Let me see if I can get this straight in the calculations.  $47 billion dollars in millionaires' money is less than $300 million dollars in mammograms and birth control!  Is that what... (angrily mumbles)
Video and full transcript below the fold.

It's Tax Day!  So just as Americans are writing their checks to the IRS, Senate Democrats have decided to bring to a vote the Buffett Rule, that ensures that people earning over $1 million a year pay at least an effective tax rate of 30%, including investment income, as opposed to the Jimmy Buffett Rule, which assures that....  (listens to earpiece)  What's that?  Everybody's done that joke already?

How about the buffet rule, says that you shouldn't use the tongs for the pancakes....  (listens to earpiece)  I'm just being stupid.  I understand.

To the Senate floor!

4/16/2012:

SEN. JON KYL, R-AZ: The Buffett Tax would raise a mere pittance in the scope of federal budgets.

SEN. PAT TOOMEY, R-PA: It would cover about two days' worth of the deficits.

SEN. JOHN THUNE, R-SD: It would raise about half of one day's worth of federal spending.

"That wouldn't pay for a half-day's work on the secret Reanimate Ronald Reagan Project... oops!  Zombie Reagan, shouldn't mention!"  But point taken, Senator Thune.  The Buffett Rule would only raise $47....

Really?  My Jimmy Buffett joke, nothing.  The Buffett Caper joke... all right, all right.  One pun, the other pun, I dunno.

Senator Thune is pointing out that the Buffett Rule would only raise $47 billion dollars over the next 10 years, and that's barely $18.79.... Why didn't I ever learn to divide by ten??

Anyway, the point is $4.7 billion dollars per year isn't worth the trouble!

SEN. JOHN THUNE, R-SD (4/8/2011): The broader debate about funding for Planned Parenthood is not just ideological, it is a funding issue. ... Over $300 million dollars a year in taxpayer funds.

SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (4/14/2011): $363 million dollars a year to Planned Parenthood.  Ahh, that's a lot!

Well there's some new math for ya!  Let me see if I can get this straight in the calculations.  $47 billion dollars in millionaires' money is less than $300 million dollars in mammograms and birth control!  Is that what... (angrily mumbles)

To no one's surprise, the Republicans successfully filibustered the Buffett Rule, using 45 votes to block it from ever coming to the floor for a full debate and vote.  The truth is, even if they had passed it, the Republicans knew... eh, it wouldn't matter anyway.

SEN. JOHN CORNYN, R-TX (4/16/2012): The wealthy have an army of lawyers and accountants who can help them work around this so-called Buffett Tax.
You know, I don't give the Republicans enough credit for being deep.  That's some No Exit Sartre shit.  "They just work around it anyway.  What's the point?  We're all going to die.  We could pass the Buffett Rule, but it's like Beckett said in Waiting for Godot.  We give birth astride the grave.  Senator Wormfood from the great state of Depression yields the remainder of his futile and meaningless time."
JON STEWART: Is that really true?  Would it not matter if we passed the Buffett Rule because rich people would just get around it anyway?  Where's deranged millionaire John Hodgman when we need him?  Oh hey, Hodgman!

JOHN HODGMAN: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu  Jon?  Jon, you seem to have caught me here in my stationary hoverblimp.  What can I do for you?

JON STEWART: John, what would you do as a deranged millionaire, if we passed the Buffett Rule on incomes over $1 million dollars?

JOHN HODGMAN: Oh, easy.  I'd max out my earnings at $999,999, all from investments, then shift any other revenue streams into a trust.  Why?

JON STEWART: All right, so we would raise the capital gains tax.

JOHN HODGMAN: Oh, then I'll divert my investment to the Cayman Islands.

JON STEWART: I'll penalize offshore assets.

JOHN HODGMAN: Well, then I'll divert my assets back to the United States, and put them into a media company, Viacom sounds good.  Then I'll use my controlling interest to make some personnel changes on their MTV Network property Comedy Central.  And then I will blimp-crush your home!

JON STEWART: What?!

JOHN HODGMAN: And then I'll have you murdered.

JON STEWART: What?!?  What was that??

JOHN HODGMAN: What?  Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu  I can't hear you over my stationary blimp.  Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu

JON STEWART: Hodgman, that's illegal!

JOHN HODGMAN: Jon, it doesn't matter what Washington Democrats throw at us, we'll swat it away.  Look, when all else fails, I can divert it all to what we rich people call "the last refuge of scoundrels": charity.  I'd simply re-route all my millions through my nationwide network of animal shelters.

JON STEWART: Well, I mean, there, at least it does some good.

JOHN HODGMAN: Yes, good.  For me.  See, how it works is I convert all my taxable income to gold.  Then I grind the gold up into flakes, and put them in a suspension of pure cinnamon schnapps.  Which I then feed to retired greyhounds.

JON STEWART: You're giving greyhounds... goldschlagers.

JOHN HODGMAN: Well... they're retired.  They don't need to be in racing shape anymore.

JON STEWART: All right.  So it's not shelters for animals.

JOHN HODGMAN: No, no, no, no, no!  The animals are the shelters... for my income!

JON STEWART: But how do you get the income back from........... oh.

JOHN HODGMAN: Think about it.  It's what we in the business call "gross profit".

JON STEWART: Ahh!!

(audience groans)

JON STEWART: It's really nasty.

JOHN HODGMAN: It's sort of the reverse of money laundering.

JON STEWART: Yes, I think we all get it, John.  Thank you.  John Hodgman, deranged millionaire.  We'll be right back.

Jon also looked at Geraldo Rivera being a douche to his translator in Afghanistan.
Jason Jones then convened his own panel to discuss the women's vote for 2012.
Meanwhile, Stephen looked at what Mitt Romney said about his family's dinner table pranks, before looking at some recent news about what's in your food, which is basically bugs and Prozac.  Yum.
He then also looked at Fox News's gleeful outrage over the GSA spending scandal.
Jon interviewed Julia Louis-Dreyfus about her new HBO show Veep, and Stephen talked with journalist Jonah Lehrer about the human brain and creativity.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed Apr 18, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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