Narrator: America's top economic minds are raving about it . . .
. . . motivational speaker, messiah, carpenter, and now bestselling author, Jesus of Nazareth presents . . . "The Jesus Budget," A Conservative Miracle.
Jesus: Hi, I'm Jesus. If you're concerned about your future and the state of the economy, "The Jesus Budget" is for you.
Jesus: Handouts and free food may have worked in ancient times, but today, they just lead to a culture of loaves and fishes dependency.
Jesus: The Jesus Budget teaches you that:
Blessed are the poor, for their capital gains tax is low.
For I was hungry, and you gave me vouchers, I was thirsty, and you gave me trickle down, I was sick, and you saved me from Socialism.
And it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to be taxed in the Cayman Islands!
Just ask a few real Americans what they think of "The Jesus Budget."
Hillbilly: Thanks to The Jesus Budget, we can pay down the deficit responsibly, and not rely on social programs to care for my leprosy!
Mary: The Jesus Budget taught me I've got to take responsibility for the fact I'm homeless . . . and he's not even the real father!
Tough Guy: Finally! After reading The Jesus Budget, I can stop being a Good Samaritan, cross to the other side of the street, and say fuck 'em!
Narrator: The Jesus Budget, finally, a Good Book . . . that does good.
Jesus: Available online and at independent bookstores everywhere. Also available as an e-book or divine revelation.