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Narrator:  America's top economic minds are raving about it . . .

. . .  motivational speaker, messiah, carpenter, and now bestselling author, Jesus of Nazareth presents . . .  "The Jesus Budget," A Conservative Miracle.

Jesus:  Hi, I'm Jesus.  If you're concerned about your future and the state of the economy, "The Jesus Budget" is for you.

Jesus:  Handouts and free food may have worked in ancient times, but today, they just lead to a culture of loaves and fishes dependency.

Jesus:  The Jesus Budget teaches you that:

Blessed are the poor, for their capital gains tax is low.

For I was hungry, and you gave me vouchers, I was thirsty, and you gave me trickle down, I was sick, and you saved me from Socialism.

And it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to be taxed in the Cayman Islands!

Just ask a few real Americans what they think of "The Jesus Budget."

Hillbilly:  Thanks to The Jesus Budget, we can pay down the deficit responsibly, and not rely on social programs to care for my leprosy!

Mary:  The Jesus Budget taught me I've got to take responsibility for the fact I'm homeless . . . and he's not even the real father!

Tough Guy:  Finally!  After reading The Jesus Budget, I can stop being a Good Samaritan, cross to the other side of the street, and say fuck 'em!

Narrator:  The Jesus Budget,  finally, a Good Book . . . that does good.

Jesus:  Available online and at independent bookstores everywhere.  Also available as an e-book or divine revelation.

Originally posted to Comics on Thu Apr 19, 2012 at 06:50 AM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA, Street Prophets , and Daily Kos.

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