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The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.

Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

You need to hate yourself before you can hate anyone else.

When you say "Let's go camping!" I hear "Let's go pretend to be homeless in the woods!"

It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.

If you change "Jesus Of Nazareth" to "Jesus Of Mars," the New Testament becomes a decent science fiction novel.

People who go the extra mile just don't know about short cuts.

No one else knows how to be you. All they can tell you is how to be more like them.

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