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It's been a banner week for insane, ranting, homophobic pastors and weirdos. From forcing and then gloating over the resignation of Romney's foreign policy spokesman, to Sean Harris telling parents to "Smack the gay out," to a DJ telling a father to have a friend "rape his daughter straight"...my skin has crawled, my eyes have goggled, and my hair has stood on end at the words these loonies have spewed.

WTF??? And on a personal note, when I tweeted a picture of my son (he's almost 12) leading our UAWOW march last Saturday, some asshole sent me a tweet that said, "Better get him into sports before he turns into a fruit." Fucker. As far as I know, my son is straight, but if he isn't, I DON'T CARE. He's my CHILD.

So, it's time for another chapter in the Book of Fallopians.

Bryan Fischer, a pompous teabagger and self-proclaimed homophobe, pridefully took the credit for Ric Grenell's resignation. While this might be construed as a win for the left, since Grenell is by all accounts absolutely brilliant, it is frightening that Mitt Romney can't even stand up to a crazed homophobic loon. Faced with an actual terrorist, Mitt would probably wet his pants. Or ask Ann to report on what the terrorists really want.

Here's some of Bryan Fischer's crackpot demagoguery:

The AFA's issues director, Bryan Fischer, has alleged that gays caused the Holocaust - and are planning on doing it again; that gays should be banned from holding public office; that homosexuality should be criminalized; that foreign Muslims should either be exterminated or forced to convert to Christianity; that American Muslims should be deported; that there should be a permanent ban on mosque construction in the United States; and that Muslims should be prohibited from serving in the armed forces.
taken from this article Folks, do we have another Ted Haggard here? Or a Timothy McVeigh? Little of both? This man should be in a room with rubber walls.

Sean Harris, a truly scary crazed homophobe in North Carolina, can be heard here. Disgusting, and another example of extreme ignorance and stupidity. Being gay is not something a parent can smack out of a child. Or should. WTF is wrong with these people? Love between a parent and child should be unconditional.

I can't even link to the sickening asshole DJ who suggested a father...uggghhh...a friend....ugggh...his daughter who might be gay. What was even more revolting was a poll that I saw. Over 80% of listeners wanted him BACK on the air. This country is in the crapper if these people are a representation of the GOP base.

Thou shalt not spew vileness in the name of God, for it is an abomination to Him and you will rot in Hell. Fallopians 8:23 (TM)

If thou rants against homosexuals, thou must wonder why thou thought the young man in the coffee shop was cute. Fallopians 9:12 (TM)

If God created Man in his image, that explains why many gay men are better-looking than you. Accept that. Fallopians 7:16 (TM)

If thy daughter lieth with a woman, Rejoice! For she will not need an abortion. Fallopians 6:12 (TM)

 If thy son lieth with a man, Rejoice! For he is not fornicating with sluts. Fallopians 9:14 (TM)

If God speaks to you and tells you crazy things, it's not Him. It's you. You are crazy. Go forth and seek a lobotomy. Fallopians 8:25 (TM)

God said, "Love thy neighbor." He did not say, "But not if they are Democrats, gay, or black, or brown." Get over it and start loving thy neighbor. Fallopians 10:24 (TM)

If thou advocates that parents commit violence upon their children, thou art despicable and shall be reviled forevermore by those that are sane. Fallopians 8:34 (TM)

If a comely man gives thee a swelling in thy pants, thou shalt not rant from the pulpit against him, but face thy own desires. And admit them to thy parishioners. If they stone thee to death, it is thy own fault for thy teachings. Fallopians 12:14 (TM)

Thou shalt love thy children with a full heart, for they are a gift (NB) and thou art blessed. God gave them their nature, so thou should be thankful. Fallopians 7:45

NB--Not a snarky Frothy/St. Torum reference

Originally posted to Something Fishy on Thu May 03, 2012 at 09:18 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Oh thank you! (6+ / 0-)

    more Book of Fallopians to share with my RL sisters!
    Keep on writing, BK!

  •  there really should be in the book of Fallopians (4+ / 0-)

    a clarification of what Devarim really says...

    That verse? It does not say what you think it does.  It says don't fuck your boy toy in your wife's bed - as Jews historically have had separate beds for married couples.  

    It's HER bed.  Fuck your boyfriend on your own, pig.

    Hebrew is such an interesting language grammatically.

    :D

    And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

    by Mortifyd on Thu May 03, 2012 at 09:46:00 PM PDT

    •  I had to look up Devarim (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      myboo, chimene, Renee

      It's Deuteronomy. I found this particularly apt:

      6. And that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream shall be put to death; because he spoke falsehood about the Lord, your God Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, and Who redeemed you from the house of bondage, to lead you astray from the way in which the Lord, your God, commanded you to go; so shall you clear away the evil from your midst.
      Bet these wackos skip over that part.

      I read to chapter 18, couldn't find verse. But Fallopians is entirely invented. The verses in the first Book were created by a group of us. I thought the ones here up in my own wee pointy head.

      •  well yeah, I know it's invented (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        BadKitties, sfbob, Renee, BlackSheep1

        but every scriptural invention has truth in it.  Might as well have a little in it if you ladies want it - I'm giving it away for free LOL

        Our names and numbers are different actually - but most of the cultural rules to keep us separate from other people are found in Devarim.  Since I rarely bother to use the English anymore, I tend to forget there are other names for them.

        And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

        by Mortifyd on Thu May 03, 2012 at 10:29:30 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  I was sure you did :-) (0+ / 0-)

          It's mostly that we want it to sound Biblical, because these horrid people are trying to shove their Bibles in our nether regions.

          It's been a long time since I read the Bible. I love the poetry of the King James Version. Reading those chapters was...interesting. Brought me back. Someday, I'll write about why I left the Catholic Church and became an Episcopalian :-)

          The Church is due for a lashing, anyway. Arrggh.

          •  I'm horrid at making it sound biblical (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Neon Mama, sfbob, Renee

            my shtick is to make the Biblical sound interesting in more modern language.  It's all well and good to read the poetic and forget that those words actually mean something within a specific cultural context they were never intended to be taken out of really.

            But it really can be read something like "do not have a man on the bed of your wife, it is toevah" which means spiritual contamination that bars you from entering the Temple grounds.  It doesn't mean what they think it means.

            And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

            by Mortifyd on Thu May 03, 2012 at 11:33:49 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  H'mmm. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              BlackSheep1

              Wonder if that had anything to do with the Greek concepts of Erastes and Eromenos?

              True. Taken in context, much of the Bible is horrifying. What pisses me off is how these nutjobs cherry-pick.

              •  it's not necessarily horrifying (0+ / 0-)

                given that most non Jews are working from translations that were framed with specifics in mind - KJV anyone?

                Aside from that - how the laws are applied is in the Talmud, not in the Bible itself.  One without the other is useless as far as we're concerned.

                And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

                by Mortifyd on Fri May 04, 2012 at 06:59:33 PM PDT

                [ Parent ]

  •  Thine uterus is unfit for politics. (4+ / 0-)

    Seed forced to enter, abide or evict --- without thy permission--- is cursed and shall not prosper.  

    There is but one vote which counts in utero, thine own.
    Fallopians 13:13
     (and if it isn"T, it should be.)IMHO

    De fund + de bunk = de EXIT--->>>>>

    by Neon Mama on Fri May 04, 2012 at 12:29:16 AM PDT

  •  I could read the Book of Fallopians all day! /nt (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    foresterbob, BadKitties
  •  "Do not judge others, for you will be judged as " (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BadKitties, Renee

    Fallopians 7:1

    "Do not judge others, for you will be judged as well"

    7:2

    "For in the way that you judge is the way that you will be judged, and you will be judged by the same vile measures with which you judge others"

    7:3

    "Why do you worry about the speck in the gay person's eye and ignore the cock that is in your own eye?"

    "The fool doth think he is wise: the wise man knows himself to be a fool" - W. Shakespeare

    by Hugh Jim Bissell on Fri May 04, 2012 at 06:24:51 AM PDT

  •  Outstanding! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BadKitties

    Great way to start my morning.  We need to secretly replace all those Gideon bibles with the Book of Fallopians.

    Last year I was in a motel in Oregon.  Somebody had stuck a warning label onto the front of the bible, advising potential readers about the graphic sex and violence contained therein.   Hmm, maybe we can prevail on our sexually repressed big-government Republicans to pass a law requiring those labels.

    The world would be so much better if the homophobes would simply face who they are, and leave the rest of us alone.

  •  I do believe that we could stop those (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BadKitties, BlackSheep1

    haters in their tracks if we normalize the idea that we all understand they are obsessed with anti-gay rhetoric because they are closeted. There are studies backing it up, for those of us who need that sort of thing. The rest of us can just look at the many sad examples of rabid frothing politicians and preachers who have been caught on grindr or taking a wide stance in bathrooms.

    No wonder they say it is a choice to be gay. It is a choice they are trying to make.

    Thank you for adding your wit to the battle.

    Poverty = politics.

    by Renee on Fri May 04, 2012 at 08:05:48 AM PDT

    •  My thought exactly. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Renee

      But these same frothing men have painted themselves into a corner. They've made their names on blatant homophobia. I doubt any of them would have the courage to admit that they are attracted to men. We'll just have to wait for them to be caught.

      •  Oh no, they won't come out. But when they (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        BadKitties

        understand that we know what they are thinking they will learn to STFU.

        Poverty = politics.

        by Renee on Fri May 04, 2012 at 09:16:31 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Doubtful, but one can hope. (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Renee

          IMO they will just bluster more loudly and denounce us, because that's the way they are.

          •  IDK. I was raised around these people, and I (0+ / 0-)

            was closeting myself for a long time. I understand them.

            Poverty = politics.

            by Renee on Fri May 04, 2012 at 10:26:45 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  Kudos to you! (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Renee

              One of my mother's friends has a 22-year-old daughter. She changed her name to a boy's name and has had a girlfriend for years. Her mother was in complete denial for quite a while, but seems to have come around. I'm debating whether to PM the daughter on FB with a link to this. Not her mother, though!

              Come to think of it, she might be TG and not gay. None of my business, unless she wants to tell me. I've known her since she was born, but I'm far closer to her mother's age than hers.

              I would really like to see a world without racism and homophobia. I blame parents for teaching their children that crap. I remember a TV show in the 1970's about "Jesus Camp", in Alabama, I think, and there was this fat little ugly kid ranting about blacks. I was shocked. My father shook his head and said something like, "Thank God we live in New York, away from people like this."

  •  Please tell me that ... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BadKitties

    the Book of Fallopians will eventually be published so that ALL may partake of the wisdom therein.

    Seriously, put it up as an e-book on Amazon for $.99.  Then donate the money to Planned Parenthood or Tree Climbers or ACT UP.  

    Then we could just sit back and watch all those homophobic, anti-woman, child-beating heads explode. :)

    Seriously, the Book of Fallopians is WONDERFUL, and should definitely be out there for all the world to see!

    •  We're planning to do that! (0+ / 0-)

      We've trademarked it and semi-looked into publishing. But we are REALLY busy over at FLAW, so haven't had time. We are indeed planning to donate any proceeds to PP.  None of us will profit personally.

      I do have a few more Book of F articles to finish. I didn't get any input from FLAW this time around, but I got a lot of inspiration :-)

      LMAO...they'll probably call us man-hating witch libbies. We don't care :-)

      Thank you :-)

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