Do you get a Twilight Zone feeling listening to people like John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan, and Rush Limbaugh? Does it seem to you that their words are ciphers for things decidedly outside of mainstream American thought? Do you hear a language which shares words with English as you use it, but somehow the meanings are from a reality far distant from your own? Do you hear a chorus of high pitched dog whistles at the edge of audibility designed to speak to someone besides yourself? If so, then consider The Republican-English Dictionary of 2012.
The 2012 Republican-English Dictionary
"You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Beyond it is another dimension;
A dimension of sound;
A dimension of sight;
A dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance;
of things and ideas;
You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone."
--- Rod Serling
Do you get a Twilight Zone feeling listening to people like John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan, and Rush Limbaugh? Does it seem to you that their words are ciphers for things decidedly outside of mainstream American thought? Do you hear a language which shares words with English as you use it, but somehow the meanings are from a reality far distant from your own? Do you hear a chorus of high pitched dog whistles at the edge of audibility designed to speak to someone besides yourself? If so, then consider The Republican-English Dictionary of 2012.
It is based on a long-running (and at times tedious) survey of right-wing talk radio shows, press conferences by mainstream Republican political figures, conservative journalism, and fantasy/advocacy channels like Fox News. If you listen to many right wing sources, you observe simultaneous emergent neologisms. This language is certainly scientifically designed by professional propagandists like Dr. Frank Luntz and Karl Rove to sell positions and influence public policy for their narrow economic and ideological interests while concealing the ulterior motives of their billionaire patrons. They hold focus groups to search for “wedge issues” that can be used to bamboozle people into voting against their own interests and the interests of the nation. So it is no surprise that there is a lot packed into this odd dialect of English to decode. The author hopes to contribute to the understanding of the ongoing code-speak to help clarify the political discourse of 2012.
In the interest of full disclosure, the author has been a registered Republican for about thirty years, but is increasingly uneasy as the Reagan Revolution accumulated massive national debts with tax cuts on credit, and concentrated wealth in the upper 1% of the population at the expense of the 99%. He is particularly uncomfortable with an increasing disregard for the institutions of our great nation, and with an increasing contempt of the humanitarian norms which nurture our citizenry and our democracy. Some Republicans like Paul Ryan and Ron Paul to the contrary, Ayn Rand presents an adolescent fantasy; not guide star to a great nation.
The author believes that the country is best served by the maintenance of a strong middle class, excellent public education, well regulated fair transparent and free financial markets, modern transportation infrastructure, and support for the research and development that will keep us in the forefront of innovation. But also in good fiscal stewardship, but not by starving the institutions that make us a great nation to enrich the few at the expense of the many. A strong nation will not long endure without a strong middle class.
He also believes, though it is heretical in the Republican Party of 2012, that public/private partnerships in science, technology, and medicine, remain crucial to the maintenance of America as a strong and free nation. Moreover, careful public investment has been necessary to the progress of the nation in things like the development of the railroads, power grid, air travel, the interstate highway system and the Internet. These were mainstream Republican/Democratic ideals in the Eisenhower Era. Unfortunately a predatory political Greed is Good philosophy inspired by Ayn Rand and her disciples such as Alan Greenspan is the new Republican mainstream. So the programs and ideals that built the nation seem increasingly quaint, and are increasingly ridiculed as “Socialist” in the rough-and-tumble politics of today.
The author gratefully acknowledges a debt to the Master Lexicographer Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) and his Devil's Dictionary. He recommends that anyone not familiar with Bierce’ master work should remedy that deficiency as soon as possible. A few examples from this master work include:
“POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”
“RICHES, n.
A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
—John D. Rockefeller
The reward of toil and virtue.
—J.P. Morgan
The savings of many in the hands of one.
—Eugene Debs
To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.”
“AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.”
--- Ambrose Bierce - Devil’s Dictionary
The author also notes that the the present work is (c) copyright 2012, and offers it under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0 which allows you to extend it, and use it for private and commercial uses so long as you attribute the original source, note that it is modified by you, and offer the derivative works to the community for further extension on the same terms you received it (http://creativecommons.org/...). This is an evolving document and will be extended and revised over time. Additional definitions will be forthcoming as they are developed. Contributions are welcome but the author reserves editorial control of the official attributed version.
The 2012 Republican-English Dictionary:
ACTIVIST JUDGES, n.p. Judges who occasionally rule in favor of civil liberties, the poor over the rich, employees over employers, customers over businesses, or workers over a corporation. See also: STRICT CONSTRUCTIONIST JUDGES.
ALTERNATIVE MINIMUM TAX, n.p., A minimum income tax rate paid by the middle class, who live on salaries. The 1% have avoided this tax rate by purchasing legislation exempting dividends, so that a right and proper balances under which the very wealthy avoid taxes almost altogether has been restored. See also: CARRIED INTEREST and BAIN CAPITAL..
AMERICAN PEOPLE, n.p. My biggest campaign contributors.
WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT, n.p. What THE AMERICAN PEOPLE pay me to want.
ASTROTURF n. A political masquerade whereunder a well-financed propaganda campaign serving the narrow economic interests of BILLIONAIRES is presented as a “grassroots political movement.” serving the interests of no one in particular. See also: TEA PARTY.
BALANCE THE BUDGET vp, A goal to be achieved by demanding that additional TAX CUTS be implemented forthwith. It is supposed that the economy will grow at a 6% rate in perpetuity and so the TAX CUTS will actually BALANCE THE BUDGET this time, unlike all times in the last thirty years. The increase of the NATIONAL DEBT from 1 trillion in 1980 to 15 trillion as of 2012 is considered a fluke by the practitioners of VOODOO ECONOMICS. Unruly data which disagrees with the theory of supply side economics is to be discarded. See also: FAITH-BASED ECONOMICS.
BANKER, n. Individual who believes that the savings of the many are his because they are on deposit at an institution which has entrusted him with a quaint “Fiduciary Responsibility” and the property of others. His career goal is to become “Too Big To Fail” and receive bailouts even from people who have not deposited their savings with him known as “tax payers” when his frequent lapses of judgement threaten to destroy the economy. See also: SOCIALIST.
BILLIONAIRE, n. Over-taxed JOB CREATOR. Unfortunately for America, most of the jobs created by this species of JOB CREATOR are in China. This segment of the AMERICAN PEOPLE (campaign contributors) claims to need more tax subsidies from the middle class to export more American middle class jobs to China. See also: See also: SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMICS, loss of intellectual property, and nationalization by the Communist Chinese.
CLASS WARFARE, n.p. Opposing the successful class warfare by the upper class against the middle class and THE POOR. Example of CLASS WARFARE: THE REAGAN REVOLUTION since 1980, tripled the incomes of the top 1% of Americans while the middle class doubled its productivity but were paid with declining real incomes. Then G.W. Bush forced American workers to pay tax subsidies to export 49,000 factories and their jobs to China. As Saint Ronald Reagan once opined: “The Republicans liked class warfare just fine, as they were the only ones fighting.” See also: OUTSOURCING.
CARRIED INTEREST, n.p., A tax avoidance technique purchased by the rich from Congress which allows hedge fund managers who may hold a stock for a few hundred microseconds to treat the proceeds as a CAPITAL GAIN as if they had held the stock for a year, thereby avoiding income tax rates paid by the middle class. See also: Bain Capital.
CHIMPANZEE, n. Puppet for the ultra rich. "All we have to do is replace Obama. ... We are not auditioning for fearless leader. We don't need a president to tell us in what direction to go. We know what direction to go. We want the Paul Ryan budget. ... We just need a president to sign this stuff." --- Mayflower Family scion who never worked a day in his life, Grover Nordquist. See also: THE BUSH TAX CUTS.
CREATIVE DESTRUCTION, n.p. 1. A doctrine whereunder corporate raiders justify the purchase a controlling share of an otherwise healthy company to loot its capital assets and PENSION FUNDS. 2. archaic. Modernization or replacement of obsolete capital goods and enterprises by more efficient new technologies and organizations. See also BAIN CAPITAL.
DITTO HEADS, n.p. 1. Easily manipulated devotees of Radio Oxycontin who repeat extreme and unreasoned political talking points presented there. Extreme instances of DITTO HEADS actually believe Radio Oxycontin’s host when he declares “You don’t have to read the newspaper. I read it for you.” Regular exposure to Radio Oxycontin causes the brain to atrophy, losing capacity for original and critical thinking by DITTO HEADS, as if the host’s favorite drug itself were somehow transmitted to them over the AM Radio spectrum.
EDUCATION, n. Brainwashing aimed at creating a new generations of THE LIBS. It is widely believed that by starving EDUCATION we can create more DITTO HEADS.
ENTITLEMENTS, n. 1. Corporate welfare to highly profitable big business; e.g. taxpayer subsidies to Exxon Oil. 2. What others get from the Government. What I get from Government is mine by right; e.g. “Keep the Government’s hands off my Medicare!”.
FALLACY OF THE STRAWMAN, n., 1. In politics, a logical fallacy used by cynical or inferior rhetoricians whereunder implicit premises are ascribed to the argument of a political opponent. This done, the spurious premises are disposed of with prepared arguments or propaganda declarations. Victory is then declared. See also: STAYING ON MESSAGE.
FREE MARKET, n.p. An abstraction said to be greatest force for good in the History of the Universe sharing many aspects of God Almighty, including omniscience, omnipotence, perfect efficiency, and boundless benevolence. When unregulated financial markets crash the economy, we need only wait for THE INVISIBLE HAND to eventually set things aright. It is not of concern that “eventually” can be a long time, or that such small measures as World War II can be required to bring about a robust economic recovery. It is believed by some naive LIBERTARIANS that after THE INVISIBLE HAND picks your pockets leaving you penniless and strips you of your retirement savings, it will eventually leave sacks of gold coins on your doorstep instead of foreclosing your house.
GROVER’S RULE, n.p. A fiscal philosophy under which a great nation will be denied the necessary revenues for maintaining the roads, an educated populace, technological advantages necessary for the common defense, the eradication of disease, and retirements already paid for. GROVER’S RULE facilitates the necessary concentration of wealth in the hands of the few to allow for beneficial trickle down economics to function properly. See also: “yellow rain”.
HEALTH CARE REFORM, n.p. = “Let him die!”
JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!, dir. obj. No jobs. No Jobs. No Jobs. Assuring No New Jobs are viewed as a means of discrediting the nefarious and illegitimate inhabitant of the White House who is a well-known Muslim Terrorist, Community Organizer born in Kenya without a birth certificate except the one he has. See also: GROVER’s RULE.
JOB CREATOR, n.p. 1. BILLIONAIRE job-destroyers/job-exporters who give Grover Norquist a job. 2. Antonym: SMALL BUSINESS people who actually create jobs. They are specifically excluded from this class because they are busy and not yet wealthy enough to be numbered among those who contribute to my campaign.
LIBERTARIANISM, n. A political philosophy whereunder it is believed that the benefits of an orderly and productive society will continue to accrue to its practitioners without the least exertion or expense on their part. Maintaining the infrastructure which brought about the orderly and productive society they presume upon in the first place is viewed as an unnecessary expense. See also AYN RAND PAUL.
LIBS, n.p. A pejorative term popularized by RADIO OXYCONTIN and lesser imitators such as Mark Levin, Sean Vanity, and Laura Ingram to misdirect listeners away from sound critical thinking by replacing reasoning with denigration. Its users mark themselves as intellectual bobble heads, also known as DITTO HEADS, who have been rendered incapable of original thought. See also: LEFTIES, and THE LIBERALS.
MEDICARE REFORM, n.p. Cutting reimbursements by Medicare to half of the actual expense of health care for the elderly, while assuring them that THE FREE MARKET will by the magical operation of the INVISIBLE HAND, provide the other half from thin air. See also: Paul Ryan’s budget.
NO NEW TAXES, declarative. Cipher for “BILLIONAIRES must not be taxed” vouchsafed by GROVER’S RULE. Paradoxically, new taxes on THE POOR and THE MIDDLE CLASS are actually encouraged under GROVER’S RULE. See also: NO NEW JOBS.
OBJECTIVE POLICY ANALYSIS n.p. The output of hired “Think Tanks” which serve the narrow economic interests of BILLIONAIRES who fund them; e.g. The Heritage Foundation, Cato Institute, Hoover Institute, American Enterprise Institute, Americans for Prosperity, or Crossroads GPS “Grassroots Policy Strategies”. For example Charles and David Koch recently sued the widow of their co-founders of Cato Institute to obtain a majority share. See also: ASTROTURF.
OUTSOURCING, verb., 1. A Republican policy to support multinational corporations and kill unions in America. 2. A technique of reducing the American standard of living whereby AMERICAN TAX PAYERS are fleeced to pay for the exporting of their jobs to China and Latin America. High income individuals benefit and everyone else suffers; particularly the shareholders in the 99% unable vote their shares against OUTSOURCING of their own jobs by CEO looters who supposedly work for them. Example: "Outsourcing is just a new way of doing international trade. More things are tradable than were tradable in the past. And that's a good thing." --- N. Gregory Mankiw, Harvard economist and Chairman of Bush's Council of Economic Advisors . See also: SLICK WILLARD at BAIN CAPITAL.
OXYMORON, n. (from Greek ὀξύμωρον, "sharp dull") A manner of expression combining contradictory concepts or terms, regardless of their actual meanings. 2. An Oxycontin addicted Republican party spokesman who calls a young woman who uses birth control pills a “slut” and a “prostitute”, suggesting that she post sex tapes to pay for her. 3. A talk radio host taking so many Oxycontin pills each day that he went deaf from them and remains stupefied down to the present. 3. A wealthy right wing propagandist arrested with an unlabeled bottle of Viagra pills on return from a the Dominican Republic, a country known for sex tourism industry. 4. See also: RADIO OXYCONTIN.
PONZI SCHEME. n.p. 1. Looting the Social Security Trust fund and then telling the people who paid into the fund that there is no money to pay them, and that drawing on the next generation to cover the funds which were stolen by Republican Presidents since Ronald Reagan makes it a PONZI SCHEME. 2. Archaic: Investment fraud in which returns are paid to early investors by later investors without a profit ever being made. See also: THE RYAN BUDGET.
PAYING YOUR TAXES, v.p. The Government stealing MY money; e.g. “The government is stealing MY money to build the roads and bridges I drive to work on.” or “The government is stealing MY money to find a cure for my cancer that does not concern me, because it has not been diagnosed yet.” See also the Ayn Rand based “Let him die!” health care program
PENSIONS, GENEROUS , n.p. Contributions of employees from their salary to their 401k accounts which are often managed to the benefit of CEO’s rather than the employees. See also: “Over-funded pension accounts.”; e.g.: “If I invest the pension fund in 12 ⅞ percent yield junk bonds, I can plunder three quarters of the fund’s principal because the account is “over-funded” based on this chimerical yield. In the 1990’s corporate raiders looted trillions from the private sector pension funds held by corporations to fulfill promises of retirement benefits made to workers, leaving them with little or nothing. In the 2000’s BILLIONAIRES have used TAX CUTS to run up unprecedented debt levels in order to support the claim that Social Security is “Ponzi Scheme” and to impoverish public sector workers as much as they did private sector workers in the decade prior.
PENSION FUND, n. Assets such as the Social Security Trust Fund, and various private corporation pension funds formerly set aside by honest management of a generation ago, which under the Reagan Revolution could be looted to further enrich BILLIONAIRES. See Bain Capital.
PICKING WINNERS AND LOSERS v.p. Subsidizing evil new technologies preferred by LIBS. For example “With ethanol subsidies you are picking winners and losers”. By contrast, ten times larger subsidies to Big Oil are necessary because Big Oil owners are already the winners, and among the finest of my campaign contributors; e.g. Exxon.
POVERTY, n. A condition in which lazy Americans unwilling to work for a living would find themselves were it not for generous Government handouts of MY money for unemployment benefits and food stamps that make them rich like me.
POOR, THE, n.p. Persons non-existent in America, because having a refrigerator without enough food in it, and a tiny apartment in a run down neighborhood means you are not POOR.
RADIO OXYCONTIN, n.p. 1. A radio program purveying a drug induced state of hostility to rational thought and civil discourse wherein reason is replaced by rants, truth is trampled under the paid viewpoints of extremists, and veracity is replaced by vituperation. The regular listeners suffer a loss of critical mental faculties as they are seduced by the fantasy that they are superior to their fellow Americans who are denigrated with terms like LIBS, and LEFTIES. See also: DITTO HEADS, and OXYMORON.
REGULATIONS, n. Rules issued by the Democrats with the purpose of killing jobs under pretenses of preserving the environment, restoring financial market stability, or promoting the safety and welfare of Americans, thus constraining THE FREE MARKET.
REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH, v.p. The sin of not redistributing wealth from the middle class to the upper class.
SPECIOUS, adj. 1. An deceptive argument having a surface appearance of correctness, but which on rigorous examination proves to be based on false premises. Often used in politics to appeal to those with confirmation bias who will not examine the premises they have just been sold because they want the argument to be true.
STAYING ON MESSAGE, v.p. A political technique espoused by The Great Communicator of generations past who sagely said: “The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly - it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.” Or “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.” See also, THE BIG LIE, and Frank Luntz.
STRICT CONSTRUCTIONIST JUDGES, n.p. Judges who overturn two centuries of precedent to create purely commercial fictitious “persons” with unlimited rights and finances in political campaigns, while proclaiming “Stare decisis et non quieta movere.” to bamboozle the credulous.
SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM, n.p. Borrowing the Social Security Trust Fund to finance tax cuts for people in the top 1% and then claiming that the bonds you left in place of the Trust Fund are “just pieces of paper”. Having done this, you can declare that Social Security is a “Ponzi Scheme” in spite of the fact that it pays for itself, and cut benefits by the amount you stole.
SOCIALIST, n. 1. Wall Street BANKERS who are bailed out by taxpayers when they incur losses, and pay themselves extravagant bonuses from this public largess. 2. Corporate raiders who use taxpayer subsidies to send American jobs to Communist China e.g. BAIN CAPITAL. 3. Anyone wishing to rebuild our crumbling roads and bridges, or our crumbling higher education system, or our crumbling for-profit health care system. See also: Tax payer subsidies to highly profitable corporations like Exxon.
SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMICS, n.p. An ingenious economic fiction used to justify profligate spending while cutting the taxes to benefit the BILLIONAIRE campaign contributors. Reportedly this is based on “the Laughable curve” formulated on the back of a napkin at a dinner paid for by a wealthy lobbyist. Also known as VOODOO ECONOMICS among some of its more hapless practitioners who could not be reelected.
TAX-AND-SPEND LIBERALS, n.p. A fiscal philosophy whereunder money is to be raised before it is to be spent. Contrast with: BORROW-AND-SPEND CONSERVATIVES who practice a fiscal philosophy whereunder money is borrowed against our children’s future to service the desires of BILLIONAIRES to avoid paying taxes altogether. See also: THE RYAN BUDGET.
TAX CUTS, n.p. Tax increases to pay interest on the money borrowed for TAX CUTS for the wealthy. See also: The theory of VOODOO ECONOMICS under which it is asserted that “TAX CUTS will pay for themselves!” See also: SPECIOUS.
TAX REFORM, n.p. 1. Reducing my taxes while increasing everyone else’ or running up massive debt to force MEDICARE REFORM and SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM. 2. Continuing corporate welfare spending while cutting Social Security and Medicare.
THE UNEMPLOYED n. Lazy parasites who deserved to lose their jobs, and who enjoy living on Government Handouts of MY money. It is believed by REPUBLICANS that THE UNEMPLOYED continue to receive more than full salary from generous unemployment benefits. Example: “I enjoyed firing THE UNEMPLOYED, so why are they complaining?”
VULTURE CAPITALIST, n.p. 1. A corporate raider who uses borrowed capital as a means to acquire companies with healthy balance sheets and assets, like PENSION FUNDS, which can be looted during a brief period of time in which the VULTURE CAPITALIST owns the majority of the voting stock. The victim employees and shareholders are generally left unemployed and penniless. VULTURE CAPITALIST often pretends that he is actually the increasingly rare and economically healthy VENTURE CAPITALIST who profits by investing to create new companies and technologies. See also: SLICK WILLARD.
VOODOO ECONOMICS, n.p. 1. The centerpiece of Republican Economic policy. 2. An economic fantasy which says that nothing has to be paid for because the INVISIBLE HAND will leave bags of money in your pockets to cover the TAX CUTS on borrowed money. The practitioners continue with this risible theory because they believe it to provide a VOODOO ECONOMIC charm for winning the coming election. The result: recessions under Reagan (1982), George H. W. Bush (and George W. Bush), the largest deficits and national debt in our history, and massive destruction of American Jobs. See also: FAITH BASED ECONOMICS.