My initial diagnosis of fibromyalgia came about 7 years ago and came hand in hand with a number of old spinal injuries that had turned chronic. When pain first invaded my life my initial reaction was to get rid of it. By any means. So I walked around in an opioid stupor for at least a year or so. Oh yes, I was and am on Lyrica. My journey took a wrong turn when I was put on Cymbalta way back in the beginning. It took at least 2 years for me to realize that the constant sickness, jangled nerves, severe sweats that would last for days, weakness and even horrid nightmares were due to the Cymbalta, so I tried to stop the drug on my own. Who knew that a mood drug ("...depression hurts, Cymbalta can help") could have such terrible side effects and even worse withdrawl? I don't even know what it did for the fibro pain; all I knew was that the 'devil drug' had to go. After suffering for months trying to come off of Cymbalta I finally begged the Dr for Lexapro, which I never had an aversion for.
After dumping the Cymbalta and giving my body enough time to get over that whole episode it was time to take stock of meds (less is more) and the pain. It was time to decide that some opioids were going to be necessary to control the spinal issues and I have the Lyrica for the fibro. Even with all of that, my pain levels are barely manageable. My Rheumatologist told me that Lyrica alone probably won't completely control the fibro, and she was right; it hasn't. So I was left at the end of my med journey and left with chronic everyday knock 'em out pain.
When pain is a temporary invasion you treat it and then wait it out. When pain comes to stay, all the meds in the world can't do it all. Now I admit, my glass is half full, but it became debilitating mentally to keep fighting the pain and failing miserably even with my half full glass. When you're set up to fail, you eventually realize that and take charge of the situation. At some point the decision came for me to stop fighting and claim the pain as mine. I own it. The moment that decision was made I no longer was the victim; I was in charge of my own body, my own pain, my own destiny. It was incredibly empowering.
The Rheumatologist laid out the specific things that can and do improve fibro pain. It is an ongoing process; a way of life. My quality of life has slowly improved. I often have to go back a year to see progress, but progress it is. I revel in small victories. I feel empowered if I can drive myself to an appointment or go grocery shopping for a small order by myself. Pain is my constant companion, 24/7 but it is not my enemy. It is what it is, and it is part of my life. Part of what defines me; my struggles are mine. I no longer look desperately to rediscover my old life in a pill bottle. I've learned so much about myself, and have learned to be kind to myself.
These are the cards I was played. I'm officially disabled, but have to believe that I'm doing all I can for myself and that owning my pain and owning my struggles are contributing to my success, limited though it may be.
Have you learned to deal with a life of chronic pain or chronic illness? How?