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Last night, Jon Stewart highlighted several examples of extreme Republican cognitive dissonance.

See, for most people, those two ideas fight like two rats in a bag in your head; it'll drive you crazy!  But some people are able to square that circle.  And those two opposing ideas end up making sweet love to each other, like two rats in a bag.  There are very few things, really very few things rats in a bag won't do.

Here's another one.  Republicans, like all Americans, wanted very much to see Osama bin Laden dead.  At the same time, they believe Barack Obama is incapable of doing anything right.  So how are you gonna get those rats to stop fighting... and start fucking?

JOHN BOLTON (5/1/2012): The Obama administration has tried to make it look like the President did everything, including fast-roping out of the helicopter and pulling the trigger.
"OK, fine, you got our Number One enemy!  But you bragged about it so it doesn't count!"

I get the sense if Obama had pulled the trigger, Republicans would have complained he was taking jobs away from hard-working Navy SEALs.

....

So the killing of bin Laden is a tough one for cognitive dissonance, what about the auto bailouts Obama recommended?

MITT ROMNEY (5/8/2012): The auto companies needed to go through bankruptcy before government help. ... That was the right course, I argued for it from the very beginning.  And finally, when that was done, and help was given, the companies got back on their feet.  So, I'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry's come back.
Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-at?!?!?  First of all, that was awesome!  You can just take credit for shit? ... And by the way, Mitt Romney, you thought Obama's plan of a taxpayer-backed restructuring through bankruptcy, sure was-a no good.  You wanted private investors like your Bain Capital to do that, which is funny, because they didn't want to do that.  In fact, no private capital wanted to reinvest.  That's why the taxpayers had to do it.  And that's why you were against that.

And instead, the Obama administration bailed out the car companies with public money, and it worked.  But I like this strategy you're doing.  Instead of having to find reasons to criticize Obama for things he's done right, find ways to claim those achievements as your own.  I know how we can really tie this all up in a neat package.  OK, a few years ago, Mitt shared this touching childhood memory.

MITT ROMNEY (12/16/2007): My dad marched with Martin Luther King.
Now, while technically it turns out that wasn't true, it feels true.
Video and full transcript below the fold.

I would like to talk about cognitive dissonance.  It's when you hold two contradictory ideas in your mind at the same time.  Like:
CRAIG T. NELSON (5/28/2009): I've been on food stamps and welfare.  Anybody help me out?  No.
"I was on food stamps and welfare, and nobody helped me!"  Pulled himself up by his bootstraps with the food stamps and the welfare.

See, for most people, those two ideas fight like two rats in a bag in your head; it'll drive you crazy!  But some people are able to square that circle.  And those two opposing ideas end up making sweet love to each other, like two rats in a bag.  There are very few things, really very few things rats in a bag won't do.

Here's another one.  Republicans, like all Americans, wanted very much to see Osama bin Laden dead.  At the same time, they believe Barack Obama is incapable of doing anything right.  So how are you gonna get those rats to stop fighting... and start fucking?

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN, R-AZ (5/1/2012): Another thing about heroes, they don't brag.

SENATE CANDIDATE RICHARD MOURDOCK, R-IN (5/1/2012): The killing of Osama bin Laden, and he said he wasn't going to be gloating, and now he wants to make this victory lap with it.  I just think it's distasteful.

JONAH GOLDBERG (4/30/2012): It's the President of the United States who said he wasn't going to spike the football.

JOHN BOLTON (5/1/2012): The Obama administration has tried to make it look like the President did everything, including fast-roping out of the helicopter and pulling the trigger.

"OK, fine, you got our Number One enemy!  But you bragged about it so it doesn't count!"

I get the sense if Obama had pulled the trigger, Republicans would have complained he was taking jobs away from hard-working Navy SEALs.

But, undeniable, Barack Obama did actually give the order to get bin Laden.  How do you minimize that?

5/1/2012:

DONALD RUMSFELD: I don't think it was a tough decision. ... To not make that decision, it seemed to me, would just be dumbfounding.

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN: But in your mind, not a tough decision.

DONALD RUMSFELD: No, not at all.

"Not at all, it would be dumbfounding, it would be insane, it would be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."  That's funny, because one person who did have the chance to go after high-level al-Qaeda operatives in Pakistan was........................... oh, Donald Rumsfeld, in 2005, and he didn't authorize the mission.

And from what I understand, even people in the room with Obama had their doubts.

5/2/2012:

BRIAN WILLIAMS: Secretary of Defense Robert Gates recommended an airstrike with no forces inserted on the ground. ... Vice President Biden wanted to wait on further proof that bin Laden was indeed there.

JOE BIDEN: as we walked out of the room, he said, you know, it's time to make a decision.  I know it sounds trite, the President's all alone.  All alone.

"I mean, trust me, I am no help to that man at all.  I'm gonna tell you something.  I'm gonna tell you something, Brian, and I mean this sincerely from the bottom of my heart.  I'm like having one less brain in the room.  In fact, I want to go on record right now as saying that terrorists should be able to get married.  I think that they should get....  And I learned that from watching Will and Grace."  (distracted by object in sky)

So the killing of bin Laden is a tough one for cognitive dissonance, what about the auto bailouts Obama recommended?

MITT ROMNEY (5/8/2012): The auto companies needed to go through bankruptcy before government help. ... That was the right course, I argued for it from the very beginning.  And finally, when that was done, and help was given, the companies got back on their feet.  So, I'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry's come back.
Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-at?!?!?  First of all, that was awesome!  You can just take credit for shit?  "Hey, I remember saying to a friend of mine, I wish toll booths weren't such a pain in the ass.  And they slowed down traffic so much.  So you know what?  E-ZPass?  You're welcome.  That was me.  Yeah, E-ZPass.  I'm that guy.  I remember, I told somebody in a bar, it was like, fuck this, I don't wanna wait.  Boom!"

And by the way, Mitt Romney, you thought Obama's plan of a taxpayer-backed restructuring through bankruptcy, sure was-a no good.  You wanted private investors like your Bain Capital to do that, which is funny, because they didn't want to do that.  In fact, no private capital wanted to reinvest.  That's why the taxpayers had to do it.  And that's why you were against that.

And instead, the Obama administration bailed out the car companies with public money, and it worked.  But I like this strategy you're doing.  Instead of having to find reasons to criticize Obama for things he's done right, find ways to claim those achievements as your own.  I know how we can really tie this all up in a neat package.  OK, a few years ago, Mitt shared this touching childhood memory.

MITT ROMNEY (12/16/2007): My dad marched with Martin Luther King.
Now, while technically it turns out that wasn't true, it feels true.  In fact, you know what?  Fuck it.  As a boy, Mitt Romney marched with Martin Luther King.  Fine, let's do that.

(audience cracks up)

And, as a direct result... (Jon cracks up) I hadn't seen that, that's nice.  As a direct result, the barriers... the barriers that could have kept a certain young black man out of law school fell away.  So without Romney's help, America would never have elected its first black President.  Which means that that said President would never have given the order to kill Osama bin Laden.  So, who killed Osama bin Laden?

MITT ROMNEY (5/8/2012): I'll take a lot of credit.
And we thank you.  We'll be right back.
On Monday night, Jon looked at election news from Russia and Europe.
Al Madrigal then unsurprisingly found that young voters at Virginia Commonwealth University were more interested in drinking on Cinco de Mayo than hearing Obama speak there.

Last night, Jon looked at Joe Biden's comments on gay marriage, and how the Obama administration quickly tried to do damage control.  John Oliver then explained what the disconnect was all about.

Meanwhile, on Monday, Stephen also looked at Joe Biden's comment about Will and Grace, and revealed his own straight sitcom with none other than Eric McCormack!  He then had a quick ThreatDown about newscasting bears.
Last night, Stephen had a very good segment exposing some of the secrecy surrounding Karl Rove's super PAC Crossroads GPS.  He noted that Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) is trying to fight back, and whaddaya know, she was there for an interview!
Stephen then paid tribute to the late Maurice Sendak.
Jon spoke with Admiral General Aladeen from the country of Wadiya on Monday, and with U.S. ambassador to the UN Ivo Daalder on Tuesday.  Stephen spoke with Bravo's Andy Cohen on Monday and civil rights lawyer Michelle Alexander on Tuesday.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed May 09, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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