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I’ve had the good fortune of traveling to and through 45 of the 50 states in the course of my education, work, and personal life. From the interstates to the back roads, vast cities to small towns, deserts to swamplands, mountains to beaches, woodlands to prairies, farmlands to factories. I walked on volcano-fresh lava in Hawaii, ate ocean-fresh lobsters on the coast of Maine; I swam with dolphins in the Florida Keys and walked the beaches of northern California. I’ve watched the sunrise over alfalfa fields in Alabama, camped in the rain at the bottom of the Grand Canyon in Arizona, blown a tire on a trip in Texas and made enough money in a casino in Oklahoma to cover the cost of the replacement; no such luck at the casinos in Louisiana, but I didn't mind supporting the local economy after Katrina.

I bought quartz and amethyst crystals from an old man in Arkansas, visited the boy I sponsored on an Indian reservation in Nevada, collected fish fossils in Wyoming, toured coal mines in North Dakota, Colorado, and Pennsylvania and factories up and down the east coast. I’ve ridden through much of the country in the dead of night, across Texas in an ice storm, along the Gulf Coast through severe thunderstorms and looming tornados, and commuted thousands of miles in New England winters.  I’ve eaten at many of the Waffle Houses along I-10 and I-20 in my trips across the Gulf Coast between Texas and North Carolina.

In the course of my travels, I’ve met all sorts of people from panhandlers to multi-millionaires, waitresses, contractors, attorneys, business owners, factory workers, parents, grandparents, children, commercial fishermen, farmers, mechanics, carpenters, professors, students, retirees, musicians, government officials, protestors, clergy, social workers, politicians, entrepreneurs, real estate developers, scientists, engineers, teachers,  car dealers, retail workers, athletes, and many other folk.

I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve encountered who were overtly racist, homophobic, or otherwise hateful.

Most of the people I've met are – surprise – just like you, just like me. They get up early to go to their jobs. They raise their kids and make sacrifices to provide them with a good home and an education. They look after their elderly parents. They love their pets. They worry about family members in war zones. They wonder whether their kids will be able to live their own American dream.

So I read with alarm last night the diaries and comments crying out for a boycott of the State of North Carolina as retribution for their votes on Amendment One. An economic boycott sounds like a great idea for a few minutes. With wallet as weapon, you can send a clear message to them that they sure screwed up this time. If this is the sort of state they want, then they can kiss your tourism dollars and other financial investments and contributions goodbye. That’ll show ‘em.  They’ll change their ways, or suffer your continued financial cold shoulder.

The first problem with this scenario is that You Cannot Enlighten the Unconscious. Think about it: how likely is it that the hateful, paranoid, bigoted Right-wing knuckle-draggers will grasp your message, and if they do, what do you imagine they can do in the extremely unlikely event that you have enlightened them?

Meanwhile, as your war of error rages on, you also send a clear and painful message to the fine folks – including some of our hardworking Kossacks - who toiled in the trenches to oppose Amendment One that they’re now on your shit list, for the simple rookie mistake of living in a state with some people who don’t share your enlightened view.  Collateral damage, I guess you’d say. It’s unfortunate, but North Carolina has to pay a price for failing to vote “your” way.

As “cassandracarolina”, the “Carolina” part looms large in my life. My husband and I built our eventual retirement home in North Carolina in 2009-10 during the height of the recession. In the course of our time there, we’ve have consulted with, contracted with, and purchased goods and services from many wonderful people in addition to many of our new neighbor.

Building a home connected us with dozens and dozens of great people, each of whom brought their creativity, problem solving skills, attention to detail, craftsmanship, and work ethic to the project. From the designer and builder and site foreman and the individuals and crews who handled the site prep, permitting, surveying, drafting, foundations, masonry, carpentry, roofing, drywall, electrical, plumbing, painting, flooring, woodwork, HVAC, windows and doors, cabinets, and landscaping, to the folks at the design centers and stores where we bought our appliances, lights, fans, plumbing fixtures, carpeting, wood flooring, tile, granite, sound and security systems, landscape plants and trees, locally-made North Carolina brick and all of the other elements of our home, it took a village to build a home.

Many of these people are sole practitioners or owners or employees of small businesses. The recession hit them hard, as many of their would-be customers faced their own financial problems, and even those with good jobs and solid credit found themselves unable to borrow from cash-rich banks fearful that building contractors would go out of business. I’d like to think that our home-building project helped to sustain some of these individuals and small businesses through the tough times.

These are the very sorts of folks who, still trying to recover and rebuild their own situations after some very difficult years, would be hit by your boycott. Eddie. Bill. Ann. Phil. Jessica. Dennis. Harry. Cam. Lucinda. Leslie. Jimmy. John. Jackie. Brad. Buddy. Brent. Jeff. Nice people. Hard workers. Just like us, they have bills to pay, families to support, ambitions of expanding their business. From my dealings with them, I can assure you that they’re not hateful, paranoid, bigoted Right-wing knuckle-draggers.

There’s a wonderful little restaurant in my small North Carolina town that’s full of Obama memorabilia, including photos of the owner with Obama during the campaign, posters, paintings, drawings, newspaper clippings, and a framed invitation to the inauguration. Nowhere in my travels have I walked into a place so overtly and joyously celebrating our president. It’s a small main-street business bursting at the seams with customers waiting in line for the wonderful home-cooked food and the positive vibe that pervades the place.  

This is the North Carolina I love. It’s also been the long-time home state of my Dad’s half brother who shared over half a century in a committed relationship with his male partner until that beloved partner passed away a few years ago. They were married in every sense of the concept other than the legal protections. A defeat of Amendment One would have paid homage to this extraordinary union of souls.

It didn’t happen last night, but the tide is turning, and North Carolina’s time will come. In the mean time, remember that there are many wonderful people who will need our help in embracing this new day. Don’t tar us all with the Tarheel boycott brush.

Poll

What's your connection to North Carolina?

15%24 votes
3%6 votes
0%1 votes
1%3 votes
7%12 votes
5%9 votes
15%23 votes
2%4 votes
0%1 votes
0%0 votes
8%13 votes
33%51 votes
2%4 votes

| 151 votes | Vote | Results

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Comment Preferences

  •  Well, yes (9+ / 0-)

    I've been guilty of some of that myself.  It's just that the people who want us to believe that North Carolina is different from the rest of the South have been proved wrong, and that Raleigh/Durham and Charlotte now have the same relationship to their state as Austin and Houston have to Texas.

    It's unfortunate, and yes, things will change eventually.  I just hope I'm still alive when that happens.

    -7.75, -8.10; All it takes is security in your own civil rights to make you complacent.

    by Dave in Northridge on Wed May 09, 2012 at 07:56:56 AM PDT

    •  To Paraphrase: (9+ / 0-)
      It's just that the people who want us to believe that North Carolina California is different from the rest of the South country have been proved wrong, and that Raleigh/Durham and Charlotte Los Angeles, San Diego, and Sacramento now have the same relationship to their state as Austin and Houston have to Texas.
      Absolutism for generalizations is easy. I'm no all out defender of the south as I've seen a ton of south bashing of which I either approve, or with which I usually agree.

      The vote result sucks, but things will change.

      I'd much rather live in NC than South Carolina, or Alabama, or Mississippi, etc. There are enough good differences for me to appreciate I don't live further south than I do.

      -6.38, -6.21: Lamented and assured to the lights and towns below, Faster than the speed of sound, Faster than we thought we'd go, Beneath the sound of hope...

      by Vayle on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:23:12 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  A lovingly and compassionately reasoned appeal, (13+ / 0-)

    cassandracarolina, and I thank you for it.  I was one of those hopping mad folks last night.  My family has vacationed every summer in NC for the last 11 years, and I swore that we wouldn't do it again.  Sure, I'll still visit my mother there-- am heading there this weekend to spend mother's day with her-- but the several thousand dollar yearly summer trips?  My inclination was to take our summer spending elsewhere and let everyone in NC who might be willing to listen to me know why I was not going to vacation there anymore.

    Of course, you have reminded me that this is about people, and about the need to avoid taking out our anger on good people.  It's true.  We love the town where we go to the beach yearly; where we've always been treated well and fallen in love with the coast , the people and the history.  If we didn't vacation in NC, we'd d be not giving money anymore to the man who has given our son surfing lessons for the last four years.  We'd be not giving money anymore to the Greek restaurant where we make sure to eat at least once while we're there every year.  Etc.

    What I want is a way to let all these people know how much the vote hurts us, hurts me and my family; and the difficult situations into which this legislation will put my family.  I want people to know how much of a struggle it is for us that we have been put in this situation by the good people of NC.  It just doesn't seem the same, to go there and vacation and try to do the happy beach time thing, knowing that we now officially are prevented by law from seeing each other or helping each other (God forbid) if we have a medical emergency while there.  And how will this legislation affect people's perceptions of us?  Their willingness to rent a room to us?  Etc.  It hurts.

    That's one more thing to add to my long list of small problems. --my son, age 10

    by concernedamerican on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:00:14 AM PDT

    •  Thanks for this comment, concernedamerican (7+ / 0-)

      I can certainly empathize with people who want to avoid putting themselves and their families in any jeopardy or unpleasant situations, but sometimes the best lesson we can offer is to show them what "different" relationships look like, and how they are really no threat at all to traditional marriage.

      Then spend your money where it's appreciated. I love going to the "Obama" restaurant in the little small town in NC, and I always let them know that their politics DOES matter, and it's part of why I go there.

      Treat each business on its own merits, and let people know why you will or will not be continuing to patronize them.

      It will take a while to get NC and the rest of the country to accept what we accept, but in the mean time, we should be building - not blowing up - bridges.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:24:36 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  That is a lovely comment... (3+ / 0-)

      … and I thank you too for writing it.

      Let them know how you feel by helping us toss out the 'baggers who made the state house R for the first time in over a century.

      This idiocy wouldn't have made it close to the ballot without their incredible focus on jobs jobs jobs divisive social issues. Then the fundies were beside themselves with joy, and the pastors basically told their lock-step followers to vote for this or go to hell.

      These people were scared, now they're terrified-- their world isn't what they think it its.

      Nobody has any business putting civil rights to a vote, look at CA. The Rs in the NC state house need to suffer the consequences of their actions.

      Just as we are all suffering the consequences of a lot of people not turning out to vote in 2010.

      It will take years to fix the damage, but it has to start this November.

  •  As somebody (9+ / 0-)

    who lives on an island of blue in what is otherwise a vast desert of rural Sharron AngleLanders, where but for the grace of God and Harry Reid's Nevada machine being in full existential crisis mode I might be represented by Teahadi piece of shit Brian Sandoval, Teahadi piece of shit Senator Dean Heller, and Teahadi piece of shit Senator Sharron Angle I think its better to help the good guy locals build up non-Movement Conservative political infrastructure in North Carolina than go to war with the state over a bad burn.

    The politics of resentment run deep.

    Setting the good guy locals on fire probably compounds the problem as much as anything the wingnuts and the homophobes could do to us.

    I am from the Elizabeth Warren wing of the Democratic Party

    by LeftHandedMan on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:01:09 AM PDT

    •  First of all, my sympathies (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      jayden, ozsea1, highacidity

      Living in Texas, I have some first-hand experience with being governed and represented by the witless.

      I agree with you that there's more to be gained in the long run by working with those who are open minded and willing to advance "our" cause than by walking away or boycotting.

      It takes time, and it's not satisfying to those who feel that vengeance must be swift and immediate. But that's often the case in effecting long-term political and social change.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:21:13 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  There were what, six counties (8+ / 0-)

    that voted for?

    Could we direct business to those counties as a reverse boycott?

    Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

    by Horace Boothroyd III on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:01:17 AM PDT

  •  dark and silent late last night (7+ / 0-)

    i think i might have heard the highway calling...

    "Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D."

    by TrueBlueMajority on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:03:46 AM PDT

  •  We got screwed in 2010. (7+ / 0-)

    First, the DSCC sabotaged Elaine Marshall in the Senate race
    Second, then they pulled out completely (along with the DSCC and DNC) after Cal Cunningham forced and then lost a runoff
    Third, the President didn't defend ACA
    Fourth, all of the remaining Dems started campaigning "Republican Lite"
    Fifth, it took Bill Clinton to save Heath Shuler in NC-11, by a thread.

    The National party screwed us over in 2010 and as a result we got whomped down-ticket.  The Republicans took over the North Carolina Legislature (both Houses!) for the first time since Reconstruction and Gerrymandered themselves into (quasi-) permanence.

    If we don't keep the Governor's office (this means Dalton after last night), we're going the way of Georgia.

    No thanks to the National Democratic Party.

    And now the *ssholes want to boycott us.

    Thanks for nothing.  Obama WON in NC by 0.4% of the vote.  We need at least 5%, preferably 10% to fix things down-ticket.

    Sheesh.

    Happy little moron, Lucky little man.
    I wish I was a moron, MY GOD, Perhaps I am!
    —Spike Milligan

    by polecat on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:10:11 AM PDT

    •  As I have said, welcome to our hell. (6+ / 0-)

      This is exactly how folks from elsewhere in the country have treated Texas, despite facts, or change, or anything else.

      Now you know how we feel.  The DCCC refuses to help get rid of Pete "Taliban" Sessions, TX-32, the Chair of the
      Republican CCC.  Working to raise money to keep Republicans in the House, and to defeat Democrats, around the country.  We say we'll just fix it ourselves, and don't need anyone else's help.

      Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

      Torture is Wrong! We live near W so you don't have to. Send love.

      by tom 47 on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:45:34 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Worst of all, I read in the Houston Chronicle (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        jayden, ozsea1, nomandates, polecat

        that the "big money" Democrat donors in Texas have pretty much given up on our Senate and House races and are taking all their money out of state where they think they'll have more influence.

        As Kos himself has noted, Texas could be a swing state in the not-so-distant future. If that happens, it won't be through the sustained help of the national Democratic party. It will be as a result  of demographic shifts already well underway.

        Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

        by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:24:12 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  AND, the DCCC has the GALL (4+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          cassandracarolina, jayden, polecat, ozsea1

          to ask me and the rest of us here in Texas for money on other races, but not a bloody DIME for Texas races.

          8 %, 1/12 of the US population, wiritten off by the Democratic Party. We're a loss, not worth the effort.  Pretty soon they'll have to start adding to that list of states, and we'll concede it all back to the now-religio-nutcase driven GOP.  Y'know, not your grandfather's GOP, the NEW GOP.  Yes, THAT one!

          Torture is Wrong! We live near W so you don't have to. Send love.

          by tom 47 on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:41:16 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

        •  The DNC has abandoned the 50-state strategy (3+ / 0-)

          advocated and implemented by Howard Dean.  And that's exactly why I won't give it any money.

          "Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

          by Diana in NoVa on Wed May 09, 2012 at 11:56:41 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  As much as we laugh about Reince Priebus (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            polecat

            and the GOP's national strategy that's saddled them with Brontosaurus romneii, the real tragedy is on the DNC side, where we've been thrown under the bus. It's not even a modern natural-gas-powered bus either.

            Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

            by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 12:05:59 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

      •  Same thing happened in AZ -- Napolitano was (3+ / 0-)

        the Democratic governor, elected on PUBLIC funds, and in the wake left behind by her becoming part of the Federal Gov't, Brewer and her nutjobs took over.

        Dean left us all in great shape in Nov 2008.  Kaine has been a disaster.

        Happy little moron, Lucky little man.
        I wish I was a moron, MY GOD, Perhaps I am!
        —Spike Milligan

        by polecat on Wed May 09, 2012 at 10:18:28 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  No joke. I would rec this a million times if I (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina, polecat

      could.

  •  I live in NC too and am so sad. I am sad for all (6+ / 0-)

    Of our LGBT brothers and sisters... For our state which has many wonderful things to offer and terrific folks to become friends with.  I recced a few of the diaries You mentioned out of respect for the feelings of the authors.  I recced yours because you make a superb case and I agree with you.

    Not typing well, in bed resting my back, using my IPad sort of upside down.

    Andy's two-timin' tail run off wiff mah sig line!

    by nannyboz on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:16:15 AM PDT

  •  I couldn't agree more. (6+ / 0-)

    A moving, passionate plea for common sense and reasonableness.  Tipped and Recc'd.

  •  I live in a very blue part of NC... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    FutureNow

    and I say everyone should boycott the shit out of this  fubar'ed place...please

    The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all. John F. Kennedy

    by ebbet on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:22:47 AM PDT

    •  Might I suggest selective boycotting so that (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina, highacidity

      one can be sure that only those who should be hurt by a boycott are affected. I'm not sure a boycott would really help.

      Are we also going to be boycotting California for prop 8 as part of this punishment boycott? Just wondering...

      -6.38, -6.21: Lamented and assured to the lights and towns below, Faster than the speed of sound, Faster than we thought we'd go, Beneath the sound of hope...

      by Vayle on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:37:08 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I don't have a problem with selective boycotting (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Vayle, political mutt, highacidity

        as long as you are making clear to the businesses and organizations you're boycotting WHY you're doing it. This should be based on tangible evidence that the offenders are truly aligned with the "wrong side".

        I'd much rather see a selective influx of tourism and other businesses dollars to organizations who openly supported the "right side". They may lose some business as a result of their stand, and it's only fair that we honor their courage.

        Think about JC Penney - they not only refused to drop Ellen DeGeneres in response to whining from the 40-thousand person "Million Mom" group, they recommitted to their LGBT customers. They will get a LOT more of my business in the future.

        Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

        by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:42:13 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  On top of supporting those who do and boycotting (3+ / 0-)

          those who do not (in this case, based upon marriage equality) - call them, email them, communicate and let them know you...

          ...support
          "I continue to spend my money with you because of your stance on X. Further, I will recommend you over other companies to those I know."

          will not support...
          "I will not continue or consider spending my money with your company because of X. Further, I will not recommend you and will actively discourage others from spending their money with you as well.

          Communicating your reasons for buying their product/service (or not) goes much further than silently doing so.

          -6.38, -6.21: Lamented and assured to the lights and towns below, Faster than the speed of sound, Faster than we thought we'd go, Beneath the sound of hope...

          by Vayle on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:48:31 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Excellent ideas, Vayle! (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Vayle, highacidity

            You're right: even if you can't enlighten the unconscious, you can at least explain your reasons. In the case of a business, if enough people tell them the same thing while taking their money elsewhere, it might make a difference.

            Otherwise, they'll just blame the "Obama recession" for their misfortunes.

            Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

            by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:52:57 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

        •  This is called a "buycott" (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          cassandracarolina

          and it's a way that many people show their support and loyalty.  In some cases those who can afford it will pay a premium for doing so.  

          There is also a tactic short of a strict boycott called "steering" your dollars, i.e. directing most of them toward or away from a business based on their policies.  Some of your dollars might have to go to an offending business by necessity, but most of them would not.

          •  I'd support that concept (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            brae70

            I'd feel a lot better rewarding those who support marriage equality by steering business their way and recommending them to others, rather than a state-wide boycott that would harm some fine people who are our allies.

            I'm also fine with withholding money from businesses and organizations that want to deny marriage equality rights.

            Whether "rewarding" or "punishing" through our financial  dealings, we should be sure to explain in clear terms WHY we're doing what we're doing.

            Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

            by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 10:51:42 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

    •  No, start a 'visit the counties who voted no' (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina

      … campaign. Make it very obvious why you are here and not 'there'…

      And help us kick the class of 2010 out of the state house. THAT is the best revenge. Consequences…

  •  Could I point something out here? (11+ / 0-)

    I'm sure that many people are upset about the passage of Amendment One tonight.  And I'm sure lots of people will use this as an opportunity to take gratuitous swipes against North Carolinians (which is unfortunate).  But I want to point out something interesting that will hopefully cheer some of you guys up.  And perhaps serve as a reminder to Tarheel Kossacks that their efforts weren't totally in vain or that they're surrounded.  

    In 2000, State Senator Pete Knight (may he continue to rot in hell) placed Proposition 22 on the ballot in California to ban same-sex marriage during the March 2000 Republican Primary (even though it was already banned by state law). The results:

    Yes: 61.40%
      No: 38.60%

    Tonight in North Carolina, same situation with Amendment One (a Republican Primary). The results:

    Yes: 61.05%
      No: 38.95%

    Just think about that for a sec. In a Republican Presidential Primary, a smaller percentage of voters oppose same-sex marriage in North Carolina than did in California. And for some more comparisons. Let's look at the two largest counties in both states.

    Los Angeles County:
      Yes: 58.60%
      No: 41.40%

    Mecklenburg County, North Carolina:
      Yes: 45.81%
      No: 54.19%

    (and the second largest county by a few thousand people in North Carolina)

    Wake County:
      Yes: 43.24%
      No: 56.76%

    And the two counties in both states that voted most heavily against both measures:

    San Francisco County:
      Yes: 31.90%
      No: 68.90%

    Orange County, North Carolina:
      Yes: 21.06%
      No: 78.94%

    And the two counties with the second largest amount of opposition:

    Marin County, California:
      Yes: 37.80%
      No: 62.80%

    Durham County, North Carolina:
      Yes: 30.24%
      No: 69.76%

    There IS progress.  And North Carolina is not deserving of hatred tossed in its direction.  

    Check out my new blog: http://socalliberal.wordpress.com/

    by SoCalLiberal on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:45:20 AM PDT

    •  Excellent comment - my reply below was posted (4+ / 0-)

      as a stand-alone comment, but bears repeating. Your information offers reasons for hope, and should energize us for the continuing campaign.

      Thanks for posting these statistics.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:01:38 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  I don't buy it. (0+ / 0-)

      There's a separation of 12 years there. Let's try it with Prop 8, instead, which is only separated by four years. That's a more valid comparison.

      "You're on your own" within the context of a society IS sociopathic. - kovie

      by Killer of Sacred Cows on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:33:24 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  The point is (3+ / 0-)

        Things can change, and things are changing, everywhere. Yes, NC is behind CA on this issue. Based on the A1 vote, NC is where CA was 12 years ago. But maybe in another several years they will be where CA is now. Just 12 years ago, 2/3 of Californians voted against marriage equality, and perhaps today it would pass.

        I do believe this is a time limited issue. There is no way 39% would have voted against this amendment when I last lived in NC (1991). Progress is occurring. I wish it were faster, but it's happening.

      •  Did you hate all of CA 12 years ago? If not, (3+ / 0-)

        you're a hypocrite.

        •  The culture of California (0+ / 0-)

          was not a driving factor in the Prop 8 or the Knight Initiative.

          The culture of the South IS a driving factor in these ballot initiatives.

          And yes, I hated and still do hate everyone who voted for any of those initiatives. They're scum.

          "You're on your own" within the context of a society IS sociopathic. - kovie

          by Killer of Sacred Cows on Wed May 09, 2012 at 01:00:01 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  But here in lies my point (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            cassandracarolina

            The culture of California is far more liberal than the culture of North Carolina.  On gay rights issues, California is about 20% ahead of North Carolina (which is probably about 10% ahead of the rest of the southern states except for Virginia and maybe Florida).  There are liberals and there are gays and lesbians in North Carolina but certainly not as many as in California.  There are some cities and some coastal enclaves but it's nothing compared to the coastal enclaves in California and urbanization.  There are some Christian fundamentalists in California and some rural folks but there are a LOT more in North Carolina.  

            Yet.....what the Christian right could do in California in 2000 (which wasn't all that long ago), they could not acheive in North Carolina.  That's pretty remarkable.  

            Check out my new blog: http://socalliberal.wordpress.com/

            by SoCalLiberal on Wed May 09, 2012 at 03:35:38 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

      •  Not really (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        cassandracarolina

        Because Prop 8 took place during a general election, not a primary election.  And the circumstances were different in terms of what was allowed.  

        I believe that support for same-sex marriage in California is probably at 56%-59%.  That's remarkable.  It's great.  But let's remember that we are leading the country.  We have just about always led the country on gay rights.  Yesterday, we were fighting a battle in Dixie.  And the reason I point out the statistics that I do is because it should astonish us that the urban, liberal, cosmopolitan centers of North Carolina (which aren't all that urban, liberal, or cosmopolitan) outpaced San Francisco, Marin, Los Angeles, Alameda, and Sonoma.  

        Check out my new blog: http://socalliberal.wordpress.com/

        by SoCalLiberal on Wed May 09, 2012 at 03:42:12 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  I love it when an opinion/fact/observation (3+ / 0-)

      is rationalized. News items need a legitimate context.

      One of the biggest flaws in what passes for journalism in the US, it that we never have a valid picture, only isolated anecdotal information, usually designed to get a response  the smaller minds who handle only limited information.

      Some dick in the R party wails that Obama has abused the recess appointment process, but no big "news" org compares the appointment rate of GWB, RR, BC, W, to give any perspective.  Examples of this absence are daily and endless.

      In fact, it's pretty much "news de jour" for all the sources to scramble to be "fair and balanced" in spite of the fact they're balancing fact and fiction as though they were both equally legitimate.  Calling BS is their job, but they can't do it.

      Your comment is a beautiful example of what should fill our print and electronic media, but is rarely present.

      Thanks !

      I think that Republicanism is revealing itself as a personality disorder, not so much an ideology." -- Naomi Klein

      by AllanTBG on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:54:30 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  I loved reading this last night... (3+ / 0-)

      … being a CA native now in NC.

      Would love to see you expand this into a diary!

  •  I woke up with a "boycott" anger (6+ / 0-)

    which has since subsided. I'm not likely to move to NC (I am writing this from Raleigh) but I've cooled down a bit on the idea of a boycott. There will be some financial fallout from this, to be sure. And I'm sure it will be blamed on Gov. Purdue.

    I'm seeing a lot of unhelpful diaries blaming religion, calling the South "backward", and all sorts of other things. Mostly, however, I'm seeing a lot of people who don't understand the South.

    I was born in Massachusetts, but lived half my life in Texas, from the age of 13--a very formative age. Went to high school there. Came back after college and lived there for years. Houston has more in common in some ways with, say, North Carolina than it does with Fort Worth. It is, in many ways, very "Southern".

    The South has a diverse and unique culture, or set of cultures. Mostly, it retains a great deal of its traditional "honor culture". You don't state the obvious. You don't call someone on a lie. You allow others to save face. This is why they joke that "bless your heart" is the Southern "f*ck you". Everyone knows what that means. You don't have to come out and say it.

    Advocates of equality all around the country can do a better job of learning how to talk to Southerners. Castigating them, however, is not going to win you any points. Not in Morehead, NC, and not in Beaumont, Texas.

    We need to learn how to speak the language. It's like the foreigner in Paris who keeps shouting louder in English when the Frenchman doesn't understand him. Let's work harder to "speak Southern" and we'll win some hearts and minds.

    Santorum: Man on Dog; Romney: Dog on Car. Ren and Stimpy: Dog on Cat equalitymaine.org

    by commonmass on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:51:24 AM PDT

    •  Very good advice, commonmass (5+ / 0-)

      especially this:

      The South has a diverse and unique culture, or set of cultures. Mostly, it retains a great deal of its traditional "honor culture". You don't state the obvious. You don't call someone on a lie. You allow others to save face.
      This would work well anywhere. You catch more flies with honey than with hydrofluoric acid.

      I'd prefer that we spent our mental energies building bridges and showing by example that "different" family structures and relationships are not all that different. We all want the same things for ourselves and our loved ones.

      I wish more of the "state hate" commenters spent their time traveling and working with people from across the country and around the world. We really can't afford to be spending our time beating up on other Americans when there's so much work to be done.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:06:24 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  This is backward as well. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      jayden

      "Mostly, it retains a great deal of its traditional "honor culture". You don't state the obvious. You don't call someone on a lie. You allow others to save face. This is why they joke that "bless your heart" is the Southern "f*ck you". Everyone knows what that means. You don't have to come out and say it."

      That's the PROBLEM. That is a REAL PROBLEM.

      Science demands that we state the obvious. Evidence demands that we state the obvious.

      Reality doesn't allow people to "save face." It calls them out for being wrong and forces them to deal with it.

      Essentially, what you're saying is that Southern culture is made up of ways to avoid evidence, reality, and the truth. No wonder we have problems with these people any time science or evidence or fact is an issue!

      And you think we should respect this? Seriously?

      "You're on your own" within the context of a society IS sociopathic. - kovie

      by Killer of Sacred Cows on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:35:29 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I don't know where you're getting this (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        ozsea1, commonmass, highacidity
        Science demands that we state the obvious. Evidence demands that we state the obvious.

        Reality doesn't allow people to "save face." It calls them out for being wrong and forces them to deal with it.

        As a scientist, I can tell you that science demands nothing of the sort. Science demands that we seek answers wherever they may lurk, and that we objectively evaluate our hypothesis as more information becomes available.

        For anyone wishing to survive in business, marriage, politics, or any human endeavor, we need to watch how we convey our message. It may make you feel brave and smart to blurt out the obvious, but that can shut down any communication and comprehension. Conversely, a willingness to listen and to find common ground can change individual minds and support real progress.

        Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

        by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:42:21 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  People who need to dodge reality (0+ / 0-)

          by "saving face"? Where is there any common ground between you and them? How do you, a scientist, listen to them pretending reality isn't real without going insane?

          I couldn't do it. I can't do it.

          You have fact. They have fairy tales.

          Our message is: here's how reality works. Here's the evidence. Here's the facts. Here's the results and what they show.

          Their message is: We don't want to hear about how reality works. We're too busy saving face and pretending reality isn't happening.

          Like I said in some other comment, I've visited the South twice. Both times, I couldn't wait to get back to where people were direct and blunt about things and things made sense because they were backed up by evidence.

          The South's culture is not just foreign to me; it is downright alien. The "Yes means maybe and maybe means no" rule looks like hypocrisy from where I'm sitting. Saying one thing and meaning another is just lying, in my book.

          It needs to end. They need to grow up and face reality instead of hiding from it.

          And today, especially, I hate their culture and I hate their hypocrisy and I hate them for once again trying to make me a nonperson while lying about why they did it.

          "You're on your own" within the context of a society IS sociopathic. - kovie

          by Killer of Sacred Cows on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:48:58 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

    •  Some of us locals should meet you for a drink... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina

      … whether it be beer or coffee or some good iced tea.

    •  Actually, most of the time "Bless your heart" (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina, highacidity

      means just that. But I appreciate your equanimity.

  •  I see your point BUT (3+ / 0-)

    how do you know that all of these good people did not in the secrecy of the voting booth, vote for discrimination.  Someone did and it surprises me because I really thought this was the work of the fringe. The fringe has become the fabric.

    •  If you deal with people directly and assess their (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      highacidity, lina

      character through their words and body language, you can usually tell. Bigots have a hard time suppressing their sentiments. If you say you'd like to reserve a room for you and your "partner" and this evokes some negative reaction on their part, most likely they'll tell you there are no vacancies.

      At the end of the day, you don't know how they voted, but then again, they don't know about us either. We need to set aside our fears and build the bridges that will advance our cause and show people that we're all deserving of basic protections and rights.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:11:27 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  EXCELLENT COMMENT, CalLiberal! Others: Read This! (3+ / 0-)

    This is exactly the sort of data we should be using to prepare for the next assault in this ongoing campaign to change hearts and minds.

    Thank you for taking the time to compile and post this information. As you say, there IS progress. Incremental, perhaps, but something we can look to build on. In the mean time, let's be sure to honor the hard work of our Kossacks and everyone else working for positive change.

    Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

    by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:56:16 AM PDT

  •  I won't boycott, but I have choices... (2+ / 0-)

    There are other beaches, other mountains, other places to experience the natural wonders NC has to offer. And they are in states that don't make me want to vomit when I think about their approach to civil rights.

    I do love NC - I'm from E. Tennessee and spent many summers in Banner Elk. But I'm so disgusted with the state and many of its people right now (if they are unconscious, they need to wake the fuck up) that I subconsciously recoil at even the thought of going down there.

  •  Thanks for this diary (3+ / 0-)

    I grew up in NC and went to college there. I have many friends who still live there, and I'm friends with them on Facebook. Many many people were writing posts in advance of the election talking about how they were going to vote against it and encouraging others to do so. I have a lot of FB friends who live in NC and not a single one posted anything in favor of Amendment One. Of course, I lived in one of those blue islands in a sea of red (or as my handle calls it, a pat of butter in a sea of grits).

    There are lots of people there with their hearts in the right place. Unfortunately there are also a lot in the old Jesse Helms mode. We can't afford to ignore either one.

    •  Good to see you, pat of butter (3+ / 0-)

      You're absolutely right about this:

      There are lots of people there with their hearts in the right place. Unfortunately there are also a lot in the old Jesse Helms mode. We can't afford to ignore either one.
      Throwing out the baby with the bathwater is not a sustainable strategy for advancing long-term social change. We may not be able to win over the bigots, but we can work with those with a more open mind. Writing off the whole state isn't the answer.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:27:39 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  It's not "hate". (3+ / 0-)

    It's making a political statement, and making smart choices about who we support with our money. We didn't hurt small business owners or people who rely on tourism in NC, the rightwingers who voted for this did. I don't "hate" North Carolina or Arizona. But I really don't like what's happening there.

    What really gets me about Amendment 1 is that I thought NC was different. My fiancee spent some time down there in the High Point area before her and I got together, she always made it a point to tell me how open-minded and nice people were there, and that she really wanted to go back.

    Her and I were talking about North Carolina yesterday, she told me she's surprised, disappointed, "pissed". Our roomate and mutual friend is gay, and we see firsthand the shit he puts up with. I have a cousin who's gay. A honeymoon in NC just isn't looking so good to us after Amendment 1.

    I'm sorry if some people are offended. It's not meant as a personal attack, it's not "hate". But we can choose to spend our money anywhere, and we have a right to be careful about those choices and who that money supports.

    "I read this- Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of $#!^ I'm never reading again!"-Officer Barbrady

    by Broke And Unemployed on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:25:23 AM PDT

    •  It may not be hate, but (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Broke And Unemployed, samanthab

      for the small-business owner who loses their home and livelihood as part of the collateral damage of a boycott, it may as well be. That's why I'd prefer to see selective boycotting of businesses and organizations on the "wrong" side, and more business driven to those who risked losing customers by declaring their support for their LGBT customers, employees, friends, family, and community members.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:36:49 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  It is simply impossible for someone with (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        cassandracarolina

        money to spend to determine where the money will end up, even given a list of businesses that were on the right side. Sure, living in Maine as I do I can choose to buy a spoon from Replacements. But if I were to be traveling, there is no way to keep my money from ending up in the pockets of small businesses and individuals with whom I will have to directly spend money, and who voted and worked for this amendment.

  •  Vote out politicians who made amend. one possible (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, highacidity

    Almost all of them are Republican. This was a Democratic primary.

    Primary Casualties By Laura Leslie

    Longtime Democratic Rep. Jim Crawford appears to have lost to fellow Democratic Rep. Winkie Wilkins, who had 56% to Crawford's 37% as of 1:00am Wednesday.
    He was appointed a budget chairman by House Speaker Thom Tillis. But he was targeted for his vote by liberal Democrats and the state teachers' group NCAE.
    http://www.wral.com/...

     Confronting Rep. Jim Crawford on Amendment One - YouTube
    type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="560" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true">

    Rep. Jim Crawford (Person, Granville Counties) is confronted by a constituent about his co-sponsorship of an amendment to the NC Constitution that would limit recognition of legal partnerships in NC solely to "a marriage between a man and woman." Visit www.progressnc.org for the facts on this amendment, including opinions by respected legal experts on how this badly-worded amendment would create havoc with existing protections and rights for all non-married couples in North Carolina, gay and straight alike.
  •  NC BUSINESS LEADERS opposing Amendment 1 (0+ / 0-)

    Here's a list of business leaders that took a stand against Amendment 1.

    This isn't  by any means "everyone" but it's a starting point for targeting "buycott" dollars to reward the kind of courageous behavior we'd like to see repeated. If the rest of you have lists, please post the links of the list for our consideration.

    Business Leaders Against Amendment One List

    Affiliations are for identification purposes only. Signers are acting as individuals and not as representatives of their affiliated organizations.

    Guenevere Abernathy`CEO, LoMoMarket

    Adam Abram, CEO, James River Group, Inc.

    Catherine Adamson, Founder, Chapel Hill Bees LLC

    Ryan Allis, Co-Founder, iContact Corporation

    Harry Bailes, CEO, Family Health Network

    Stephen Barringer, Executive Vice President, Dealers Supply Company

    Steve Barton, Principal, Axiom Architecture

    Mik Beetham, Green Energy Lawn Care

    Ron Bernstein, CEO, Liggett Vector Brands LLC

    Leah Bergman, Local Yogurt and LoYo

    Bucky Black, President, Resource Wood, Inc.

    James Boyle, Professor of Law, Duke University Law School

    Jennings Brody, Parker and Otis, Owner

    Burton B. Buffaloe, President, Logic Limo

    Ann Campbell, Co-Founder and Board Member, Campbell Alliance Group, Inc.

    John Campbell, Co-Founder and Board Member, Campbell Alliance Group, Inc.

    Greg Casey, The Octopus Garden Smoke Shop, LLC

    Jennifer Conaway, Your Next Level, Inc., President

    Dean Debnam, CEO, Workplace Options

    Christopher DiGiovanna, Trader Chris Consignments, Inc.

    Dr. Heather Dixon-Fowler, Entrepreneurship Professor, Appalachian State University

    Martin Eakes, CEO, Self-Help and Center for Responsible Lending

    Anita S. Earls, Executive Director, Southern Coalition for Social Justice

    Janet Elbetri, Sandwhich, LLC

    Ken Eudy, CEO, Capstrat

    Diane Evia-Lanevi, Founder, The Tomorrow Fund for Hispanic Students

    Andrew Fitzgerald, Partner, Strauch, Fitzgerald and Green, P.C.

    Abigail Fitzgerald, Strauch, Fitzgerald and Green, P.C.

    Joel Fleishman, Professor of Law and Public Policy, Duke University

    Stephen Fraser, Co-founder, Spoonflower

    Christopher Gergen, Executive Director, Bull City Forward

    Barbara Goodmon, President, A.J. Fletcher Foundation

    Shelly Green, CEO, Durham's Convention and Visitors Bureau

    Charles Grubb, CEO, Magnolia Management Group, Inc.

    David B. Hagan, President, Hagan Properties Incorporated

    Scott Harmon, Manager, Center Studio Architecture, PLLC

    Zach Harmon, Princeton Daycare, Inc. Co-Owner

    Haywood Holderness, Pastor Emeritus, Westminster Presbyterian Church, Durham, NC  

    Sarah Honer, Spira Pilates Studio, Owner

    Dianne Jackson, Board Member, Boys and Girls Club of Orange Co.

    Alan King, Workplace Options, President & COO

    Dave Kirkpatrick, Managing Director, SJF Ventures

    Nancy Kittay, Somethin' Else

    Erin Krauss, Social Worker

    Terry Krauss. Forward Motion Associates, LLC

    David Kreegerr, CertaPro Painters of Durham-Chapel

    Gary Kueber, CEO, Scientific Properties

    Katrina Lamberto, Founder, Katlamdo Organizing

    Kel Landis, Partner, Plexus Capital and former CEO, RBC Centura Bank

    Michael Lemanski, Founder, Greenfire Development

    Margot Carmichael Lester, Owner/Content Strategist, The Word Factory

    Ruth Little, Longleaf Historic Resources

    Beth Maczka, Senior Program Officer, Community Foundation of Western NC

    Jody Maxwell, Customization Manager, Sports Endeavors

    Easter Maynard, Executive Director, ChildTrust Foundation and Head of Charitable Giving, Golden Corral

    W. Quinton Maynard, Managing Partner, Morehead Capital

    Ralph McCaughan, Merge Records, Co-President / Co-Owner

    Susan McDaniel, NC Green Plumbing, Inc

    Steve McKinsey, McKinsey Printing

    Jason Merrill, President, Back Alley Bikes

    Tina Merrill, COO, Blogads.com/Pressflex LLC

    Leon Morton, Sabaki Maintenance, Proprietor

    Sandy Moulton, Principal, The Xenia Group, Inc.

    Julie Mullin, Fiberactive Organics, L3C

    Aaron Nelson, Chapel Hill-Carrboro Chamber of Commerce, President and CEO

    Jane Norton, CEO, ReSourcing Natural Solutions

    Bob Page, CEO, Replacements, Ltd.

    John Parker, CEO, Good Work

    Milan Pham, NIcholsonPham, PLLC

     Grace Pilafian, Grace Pilafian Landscape Consulting and Design, Owner

    Joshua Pope, JPHubbs

    Anthony J. Pugliese, Senior Vice-President, American Institute of Certified Public Accountants

    Dennis W. Quaintance, CEO, Quaintance-Weaver Restaurants & Hotels

    Mark W. Read, Owner, Mark Read Studio

    James L. Ross II, Ross & Associates

    Andy Rothschild, Founder, Scientific Properties

    Barbra Rothschild, Founder, Scientific Properties

    Susan Sachs, President & Principal, Starfire Consulting, Inc.

    Andrew Scharfenberg, Steel String, LLC Owner / Logistics

    Keith Shaljian, Worker-Owner, Bountiful Backyards      

    Joan Siefert Rose, President, Council for Entrepreneurial Development (CED)

    Patricia Smith, NC Green Plumbing, Inc.

    Tom Stevens, Think Leadership Ideas, Owner

    Jeannie Striegel, I Heart Veg, Owner

    Paige Sullivan, Concert Telecommunications, Inc.

    R. Edward Stewart, President/CEO, UDI/CDC

    Nina Szlosberg-Landis, President, Circle Squared Media

    Jim Tate, Escape Hair & Skin Studio

    Tina Toler-Keel, It's Who I Am Magazine

    Juan Villa, President, Juan Villa Photography

    Bonnie Warford, Carpe Diem Restaurant and Caterers

    Katherine S. Weaver, President, Residence Development Company

    H. Michael Weaver, Chairman, CEO, Weaver Investment Company

    Alison Weiner, Mahalo Arts, Inc., President

    Andrew B. White, CFO, Southern Heels Management, Inc.

    Charlie Wilson, Principal & Vice President, CT Wilson Construction Company

    Greg Walker Wilson, Walker Wilson Consulting

    Edward Winslow, Attorney, Brooks, Pierce, McLendon, Humphrey & Leonard, LLP

    Christopher Wysocki, Yarnhouse

    Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

    by cassandracarolina on Wed May 09, 2012 at 11:26:20 AM PDT

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