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That's me.

I acquired some sponsors for OctopodiCon and it came with conditions. One of those conditions was acquiring a smartphone so I could be texted. I am responsible for the costs associated with the smartphone, so I got the cheapest one available at AT&T.

But now....

I have to learn to use a phone.  I haven't had a telephone in 15 years.

I have figured out how to make and take a phone call.  I have figured out how to use the Square app and take credit card payments (one of the reasons for getting a smartphone was the ability to accept payments for OctopodiCon). I think I've figured out how to find missed calls, but not to access voice mail.

And I am completely floundering when it comes to texting.

I know what it is - I've seen replicas of text conversations all over the internet. I understand text-speak even if I choose not to use it. That's not the same as actually making your very first text message. The guys at the AT&T store laughed at me and told me I'd figure it out pretty quickly, but I must be stupider than they thought I am.

I have accidentally brought up the on screen keyboard a couple of times but haven't figured out how to do so intentionally.

Go ahead. Laugh. You know you want to. I'm laughing, it's so stupid. I know it's easy, but it must be too easy. Maybe I'm overcomplicating it.

Why did I get a smartphone?

Oh, right.  OctopodiCon.

I am losing my Geek Cred every time I flub this up.

I can't believe I not only used to work in tech support, I was one of the highest rated techs in the company with the highest first time fix rate ever and in the decade since I left tech support no one has beaten my record at that company.

Oops, there goes another bit of Geek Cred.

By the time I'm done with this phone, I will have the Geek Cred of a doddering little technophobic, a Luddite.

Ye gods, don't let me be a Luddite!

I can do this.

Can't they print the manual in larger font?  Those uppity young whippersnappers with 20/20 vision! Where's my magnifying lenses?  The 10x ones?

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