Since the Supreme Court’s “Citizens United” decision giving legal personhood to corporations, a number of unexpected problems have cropped up, causing Republicans serious headache. One issue is the question, “Can the gay and the lesbian corporations marry if they choose to do so?” John Boehner, according to the trusted sources close to him, went home and made himself a stiff drink after quickly telling the reporters that he is against the gay corporation marriage if the president is for it. He refused to answer the reporter’s questions further, claiming that his allergies were causing his eyes to tear up, badly.
Meanwhile, FoxNews found itself in the middle of a huge quandary, trapped between the gay corporations who demanded Fox’s support for their right to marry and the Tea Party heads who were dead set against any form of gay marriage, including the gay corporations'.
Also, Pastor Lee Peterson was heard challenging the “Citizens United” decision, claiming that allowing the female corporations to vote was the cause of all evil in America and that the Supreme Court should correct its mistake by rewriting the language of the law, allowing personhood only for the male corporations.
Rush Limbaugh meanwhile shared his opinion on the insurance coverage of the contraceptives for the female corporations. According to Rush, the female corporations who use contraceptives were all whores and sluts and that if there was to be a government coverage of contraceptives, then we should all get to watch videotapes of corporations having sex.
Latest: The debate is still ongoing behind the closed doors and so far it has been said that the Republicans are currently busy, trying to minimize head explosions. Stay tuned…
(O.K. I stole the idea from kos, so shoot me people)