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If Romney is smart and he wins he will apoint Pat Robertson as head of FEMA

I came across some great new for Romney yesterday.  Pat Robertson endorsed him.

If Romney wins and he is smart (That’s a big if) he would immediately name Pat as director of FEMA.

There are several reasons for this.

1. Before becoming director of FEMA on April 15, 2003 Michael D. Brown (Also known as “Brownie” was Judges and Stewards Commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association.

2. Depending on your point of view, there is not much difference between a horse and a horses ass.

3. Pat makes Jeremiah Wright look like a boy scout

4.  There is no one more qualified to deal with a hurricane than Pat.

Here are the facts

There was much finger pointing as to who might be accountable for the deaths and devastation (not to mention the looting) that were caused by hurricane “Katrina”.  The list is long.  President Bush heads the list on all the reports I saw.  Michael Brown (FEMA director) seams to be running a close second. The list goes on and I am sure you all have your own favorites.

I feel it is of the essence to go a step further in our analysis of “Who was  Responsible.”  If we are gonna (redneck for “going to) lay culpability on someone, I think we should dig a little deeper.

I would like to start with the community who name these things.  Better beware folks, hurricane “Katrina” is coming.  What the hell is that?  “Katrina”? Cut me a break.  I don’t know about you but when I hear the name “Katrina” I conjure up this image of a cute little twelve-year-old girl in a pink tutu with a magic wand that will be coming ashore to sprinkle rose pedals.

Since “K” was the letter of choice for this hurricane why not go with something like “Killer”, “Kaboom”, or “Kamikaze”.  Perhaps a few more people would have heeded the warning. Shortly after Katrina tropical storm “Ophelia” was bearing down on Florida.  Personally I would have gone with “Oh Shit” but I guess it’s too late.  Hope someone in charge reads this before the next one and maybe we can warn the people about hurricane “Pulverize”.  Let me name those suckers and I will put “The Fear Of God” into the people.

Which brings me to my next point!  “Fear Of God”, what the hell is that?  If god is supposed to be “All Loving” what the hell do we need to fear him for?    I guess if I was gonna join a religion I would opt for Catholic.  They can Rape, pillage, and plunder and as long as they make it to confession before they croak, all is forgiven.

Anyway, to get right to “who is to blame”, it was an easy selection. I looked up the word “Asshole” in the dictionary and the dude’s picture was there.  None other than Pat Robertson.

You want evidence you say?  Well maybe ya didn’t say but I’ll lay it on ya anyway.  
Pat started his weather-changing career in 1985.  Hurricane “Gloria” was bearing down on his ass and he went on TV to say, “In the name of Jesus we command you to stop where you are and move northeast, away from land, and away from harm."

Pat got the “North East” right.  Gloria smacked into Long Island, left 8 people dead and $900 million in damage.  

In 1995 Pat took credit for “Praying” hurricane Felix out to sea. I surmise knowing Pat he probably checked “The Weather Channel” on his local cable network just like I did and they predicted “Felix” would head out to sea anyway.  That way Pat could cover his ass and take credit for it.  Of course Pat had his ass covered even if it hit.  Just lay that line of bullshit on us that, “we know not why God chooses to do these things and it’s in God’s plan”.

In 2003 there was another young lady bearing down on Virginia by the name of “Isabel”.  That just happens to be where the asshole lives.  So what does Pat do?  He gets on TV and he asked God to put a “wall of protection” around Virginia Beach and the East Coast. “In the name of Jesus, we reach out our hand in faith and we command that storm to cease its forward motion to the north and to turn and to go out into the sea.''

Well ya done good Pat.  Ya covered your ass in Virginia Beach but “Isabel” whacked the shit out of North Carolina pal.  Fifty-one people snuffed and $3.37 billion in damage.

Ok, lets just say for one minute that I’m full of shit.  Obviously one of us is.  If it’s me Pat, then WTF (short for where the fuck) were ya for “Katrina”?  Or is it that ya just put your “God Squad” together if a hurricane was gonna whack you.  There are a few hundred thousand people that could have used your help in late August before Katrina shit on them.  Why didn’t ya pray this one out to sea too Pat?

Oh, I forgot, I guess you were busy trying to put a hit on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Little quotes to refresh your memory Pat.

 "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability."

You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war.

After becoming conscious that his comments went over like a “Fart in an aqua-lung” Pat issued this statement…..

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things”.

I ask for forgiveness for “Sugar Coating” it like this Pat but either I can’t read or you’re a goddamm liar.  Maybe you should read your quote again.  I am almost sure you said “assassination”.

I couldn’t help observe that you keep using the word “WE” Pat.  I thought maybe you had a mouse in your back pocket.  Oh, by “WE” you mean someone else huh?  Maybe ya even included me in the “WE” huh.  I used to “Take People Out” for a living. I even transported Navy Seals with me to deliver the invitation.  When we were sent to “Take Someone Out” Pat I guess I should tell ya it wasn’t for a date to the nearest Outback Steakhouse for the Prime Rib special.

I really adore the State Departments response to you also Pat. State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said, "His comments are inappropriate".   “Inappropriate?”  Where I come from Sean, cutting the cheese in a movie theater is “inappropriate”.  Calling for the duly elected leader of another nations “assassination ” needs to be condemned.

Just in case you were not aware Pat’s hit list is not confined to just one leader in a foreign country.  In October 2003 Pat said, “If I could just get a nuclear device inside Foggy Bottom, I think that's the answer."

For those of you not up on your slang, “Foggy Bottom” is the State Department.  Just to make himself clear Pat went on to add, “'We've got to blow that thing up."

Getting back to whacking Chavez for a moment Pat, why don’t you just do it your self?  I just went to  http://www.patrobertson.com/...  and found this.

In May of 1951, I was transferred to Korea where I ended up at the headquarters command of the First Marine Division. The Division was in combat in the hot and dusty, then bitterly cold portion of North Korea just above the 38th Parallel later identified as the "Punchbowl" and "Heartbreak Ridge." For that service in the Korean War, the Marine Corps awarded me three battle stars for "action against the enemy."
Sounds like you got the “quals” to “Take him out” yourself Pat. No need for “WE”.

Of course there are other sites out there that document your military service.
Why don’t you just post this site as your “Military service” Pat
http://www.schlatter.org/...
Could it be because you are lying out your ass again Pat?  Here is a quote from that site.

The following is a chapter from the book The Taking of Hill 610 And Other Essays on Friendship, by Paul N. McCloskey, Jr. (1992; Eaglet Books, 580 Mountain Home Road, Woodside, CA 94062).  In this chapter, the author lays out the facts of Robertson's Marine Corps service.  Pat Robertson's father was a US senator who intervened with the Marine Corps to have his son assigned to duty in the rear, away from combat.  Robertson served in Korea as the "liquor officer" -- responsible for keeping the officers' clubs supplied with liquor.  There he also was known to drink himself and to frequent prostitutes -- he even feared that he had contracted gonorrhea.
If someone said this shit about me and it wasn’t true I would be suing him or her. Oh I forgot Pat, you did.

From the web site: http://en.wikipedia.org/...  
During pre-trial depositions, another veteran who had served with Robertson, Paul Brosman, Jr., spoke of rumors during the war that Robertson had been carousing with prostitutes and hassling Korean women. Brosman stated that Robertson himself talked about his exploits with prostitutes. Eventually, Robertson dropped his lawsuit because of scheduling conflicts between court dates and his 1988 presidential campaign, and he was ordered to pay part of McCloskey's court costs.
Where I come from Pat you are known as a “Wannabee.” I think the only “Punchbowl you got a “Battlestar” for was the one ya filled with the liquor in the officers club.
I must admit Pat, I am a tad confussed over who you think “WE” should take out and who “WE” shoudn’t.  

I really hate to lay this news on all of you readers but remember that $87 billion spending bills for Iraq and Afghanistan that was passed by Congress in 2003?  I guess they forgot to tell us that some of it went to Liberia and Sudan.  I am sure it was just an oversight though, ya think?

The amendment's co-sponsor, Patrick Leahy (D-VT), said the $200 million is needed to address Liberia's humanitarian crises and was written to allow the Bush administration "to spend these funds any way it wants."
It gets better folks.  The House voted $100 million "to respond to or prevent unforeseen complex foreign crises, especially in Sudan and Liberia." Great huh.  The shit aint even happened yet and they are throwing money at it.
My favorite portion of the bill though is $2 million reward for the capture (wonder why they didn’t use “Take him out”) of the former Liberian president, Charles Taylor and he aint even home. Chuck is living in exile in Nigeria and has been indicted for war crimes by a United Nations-backed tribunal in Sierra Leone.
Lets move back a bit though to a time when he was home.  Seems chuck wasn’t real big on the State Department’s list of freedom fighters and they asked him to “Step Down.”

Pat powered up the satellite at “The 700 Club” chimed in with “How dare the president of the United States say to the duly elected president of another country, 'You've got to step down It's one thing to say, we will give you money if you step down and we will give you troops if you step down, but just to order him to step down? He doesn't work for us.”
Last I checked asshole, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez aint on our payroll either.

I am almost sure (almost) Pat that your devotion to Chuck had absolutely nothing to do with “Freedom Gold” did it?  For those of you not in the know “Freedom Gold” was the name of Pat’s personal company that invested $8 million in a Liberian gold mine for a paltry 10% cut for his good buddy Chuck.  

Don’t believe me?  Try typing “Freedom Gold” in your search engine and see what comes up.

To think this asshole ran for president and even won some primary’s is scary in itself.  Here is an example of what could have been folks.

Immunity from Prosecution: 'God Told Me to Do It'

Gerard Thomas Straub
Writer and TV Executive, former The 700 Club producer

"Here is another example of the way Robertson would mix church and state, rather than keep them separate. Let's say that a Christian thinks God is directing him or her to blow up an abortion clinic or kill a doctor who performs abortions, and this Christian does in fact commit such a crime. In a September of 1984 edition of The 700 Club, Robertson suggested that special church tribunals could be called upon to discern if a believer had in fact received an authentic word from God, which compelled him to break a civil law. According to Robertson, if this church tribunal did determine the believer had in fact received an authentic message from God -- how they could reach this conclusion without issuing God a suboena wasn't made clear -- then, Robertson said, the church tribunal would have the civil authority to provide the believer with immunity from prosecution."

-- Gerard Thomas Straub, speech before the San Fernando Valley Chapter of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, September 11, 1995, quoted from Harry Schwartzbart, "Pat Robertson Proposes Immunity From Prosecution For Criminals Who Commit Crimes On Instructions From God"

For all you believers in Pat though look at the bright side. It could have been much worse.  I finished a close third in the 88 presidential election.  Pat got 1 electoral vote and I didn’t get any.

One last gem from Pat.  

Sunday May 1, 2005: “It depends on how you look at culture. If you look over the course of a hundred years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings.”

Well Pat when you get on an airliner you might be looking over your shoulder for Micheal Moore but I’am gonna be checking out Achmed and Abdule.

After much soul searching I think I have fiqured out Pat’s problem.  The medical term for it is “Rectal Crainial Inversion”, commonly known as having your head up your ass.

I’m sorry if I am rambling again.  It must be one of those B-40 rockets that went off in close proximity to my temporal lobe.  Every time I hear Pat open his pie hole I keep having these grandiose illusion of opening a fast food restaurant called “Chicken Robertson.”  All I would serve is right wings and assholes.

Getting back to “Katrina”, your net worth is estimated (I am sure ya aint gonna tell us) $200 million and $1 billion dollars.  Lets go with the low figure Pat.  How much of that $200 million did you  personally donate to help the victims of “Katrina” or ya gonna power up that satalite again and tell people God’s broke again and he needs their last buck?

In closing I would like to think that if there is a god he is a bit more loving and understanding then the one you tell is is gonna send  “earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor." (Pat said that, look it up) to whack us all because Disney World flew a rainbow flag on “Gay Day.”

I don’t think god has the ability to move a hurricane even if you open your pie hole and ask him to spare your ass.

I know there were thousands, if not millions of people praying that “Katrina” would spare them.  Well in case you aint heard Pat, it didn’t.

I think my late uncle had a lot better handle on God than you do Pat.  Appropriately his name was “King.”  I think you and King had a lot in common Pat.  Neither one of you ever did a hard days work in your life but King would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  You would probably take the shirt off a man’s back “In the name of God” for a donation.

My dad was not a deeply religious man although he was a much better man than the God you describe.  King was deeply religious.  King was telling my dad one day “God answers everybody’s prayers.  My dad said, “no he doesn’t King, he can’t.  King stuck to his guns and told my dad he was wrong.  

My dad said, “Let me give you an example King.” A family is going out for a picnic and prying for bright sunshine all day.  The farmer nearby is praying for rain to grow his crops.  He can’t answer them both.”

King did not retreat.  He said, “Yes he can.”

My dad threw his arms up in dismay and said, “How.”

King just said, “Sometimes the answer is no.”

Xin Loi

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