This is a note my daughter left for me, a new grandmother, when she was going to give birth to her second child, and I was to babysit the first, a 10-month old, while she was in hospital. It's funny because of the lengthy and detailed instructions she gives. She has since made a 180-degree turn in her baby care instructions. Now she says to me "Do the best you can; they'll be fine. Bye." The note she leaves me is lengthy and detailed, but funny to me. She's not anywhere near this crazy now. New mothers, take hope. See the note below the orange squiggle.
Henry’s Schedule/Notes
Most things I write can be disclaimed with “usually.” He usually wakes up around 9, depending on what time he went to bed, (but assuming it was close to 9:30) and how well he ate the night before. Also, sometimes our neighbor makes a lot of morning noise and it’s possible for him to wake up around 8:30. But, he usually sleeps 11-12 hours at night without waking up at all other than a little cry here or there. That’s just a USUSALLY thing, though. Sometimes he’ll wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning and not stop fussing. This is usually because he didn’t eat enough the day/night before. If I know this, and if he’s just not going back to sleep, (meaning he cries or fusses for at least 10 minutes) I’ll just get up and give him a bottle….maybe 6 ounces. I only do this these days because I’ve tried to let him “cry it out,” but if he’s actually hungry after being in the crib for about 7 hours, I know neither one of us will get any more sleep if I don’t feed him.
When he wakes up in the morning it’s handiest to have an 8 ounce bottle ready for him wherever you think you’d like him to drink it. I put him on his back with his blanket on our bed and just hand it to him, but only if I plan to lie there next to him while he drinks it. You might prefer to put him in his high chair and give it to him, but we seldom do that and he may fuss, preferring to wake up gently. J So, let’s say he wakes up at 9:15. He’ll have had his bottle and maybe crawled around for a few minutes by 9:45, and then I put him in his high chair and put about 10 cheerios on his tray. He’ll chill there and munch those while I get breakfast for myself ready. You might break off a small piece of raisin bread and let him chew on that. If he didn’t finish his bottle, which is sometimes the case, I offer the rest in the high chair. I don’t try to feed him cereal with fruit until about an hour after he’s woken up. During the three hous between when he wakes up and goes back to sleep I might put him in the high chair 2-3 different times and offer him something on the tray. There’s usually fresh fruit of some sort around and if it’s not a mashable banana or kiwi, I just grate apple or pear or something into a bowl, add some dry cereal (1-2 spoons…there’s a spoon in the bag) and either a little remaining formula if there is any, or a bit of water to thin it out. I try to make about ½ cup, and sometimes he eats it all if enough time has gone by since he’s woken up. That’s kind of a pain in the ass though, so if you’d prefer a jar of stuff it’s there, or just put some peanut butter on toast and cut it up small and he’ll eat what he wants. Your call.
The thing is this: From the time he wakes up, you know you’ve about 3 hours to let him play, to play with him, to feed him, change him, and if you want to, take him on an errand before he should be tired enough to go for his first nap. So, if he woke up at 9:15, (and I ALWAYS look at my watch at the first cry he makes) I know that at about 11:55 I should be home with an 8 ounce bottle, preferably sitting in the rocking chair in his room, lights dimmed, blanket on my lap, music off, etc. By 12:15 he should be in the crib. Like I said, he doesn’t really like to be rocked to sleep anymore, but I do get him and sit in the chair with the blanket, which signals to him Night Night Time. He’ll usually drink a few ounces from you at that time if it’s been a few hours since he’s eaten or drunk, but then he’ll want to wiggle out and play guitar. I just let him. Then in a minute I’ll lie him on his back on the floor, put the blanket on him and hand him the rest of the bottle to finish on his own. If he just really doesn’t want it and it’s 12:15, I’ll just say Night Night Henry, put him in the crib, turn off any light or get the drape shut tightly, and shut the door. Make sure you raise the crib gate up as high as it’ll go. He’s likely to fuss and even really cry, but you can relax if you know it’s been three good hours since that first morning’s cry. He will go to sleep.
He usually sleeps about 1 ½ hours. Let him go as long as he wants, and don’t forget to turn on the monitor if you’re going to be in the front rooms. If he stays back there and cries too long he’ll be in a crappy mood when he gets up. When he wakes up there’s no need to have a bottle ready. He just wants to be held for about 5 minutes or so before you put him down somewhere with an interesting thing to play with. You can feed him some of whatever you’re eating for lunch if you think it’s something he can eat easily, but the thing to remember is that the better he eats throughout the day the better he sleeps during naps and especially at night. I try to take every opportunity to get as much good for him food in as possible. It’s not always easy, but about an hour after he wakes up from the first nap he’ll want to eat. You can offer a sippy cup with water and/or juice in it while you’re trying to feed him. In the third drawer down to the right of the stove is a small food processor if you have something you want to grind up for him.
So, same as before, note what time he wakes up from his nap and add three hours so you’ll know about what time you can expect him to take another nap. Let’s say he went for a nap around 12:15 and woke up about 2. You can expect to put him back in the crib at 5:30 and he will go to sleep for another 45 minutes to an hour. Every day is, of course, different. Sometimes he’ll just sleep and sleep and others not much at all. That’s why I just make note of the times that he wakes up, eats, goes down, etc. That way you can have some semblance of a schedule. There are days, though, when he inexplicably will not be the slightest bit predictable. There’s nothing you can do but go with it. If you put him down and he’s quiet for 45 minutes but then wakes up and you think it’s just not been a long enough nap, take comfort in the fact that he’ll go to bed early, or his next nap will be an hour longer….whatever. Sometimes he hardly sleeps during the day, and all the rules go out the window, and you think you will lose your damn mind. Hope that doesn’t happen is all I can say about that. Just know that if he doesn’t sleep long enough during a nap and then wakes up and cries and still cries, even though you’re holding him……he’s most likely just fine. If this ever happens, I just distract him. He likes to flip the light switches throughout the house (hold him hear one and say Flip that switch….if he smiles, you know he’s just fine) and to pull the fleur de lit on the ceiling fan in the living room. He also loves to try and climb the couch, stand on the back and pound on the window. Just sit there with him and watch the news (channel 72) while he gets his kicks. Weirdo. Sometimes I just make sure he’s got a clean diaper and warm enough clothes on, I grab a bottle and a banana, and I take him to the store or for a walk in the red car or the stroller. If it’s during the day, you can walk him to the Mystery park on Esplanade and let him crawl around on the grass. Take him while you have a smoke and a drink outside at Santa Fe. It’s good to have some bagels or something hardish like that that he can hold and snack on. If you take a bottle, I just make sure he drinks it or I toss it within about two hours. You know.
Bath/Bed time
SO, let’s say you’ve calculated that he ought to go to sleep around 9:30. I’d suggest getting him into the bath no later than 8:30. It’s important, however, to try and get as much food in him between 7:30 and 8:30 as you can. Also, he’ll want a bottle sometime between the time he wakes up from the late nap and dinner, and he may want a bit more milk just before you put him in the crib. You can give him a bottle in the high chair before or with dinner and the other in the nursery.
The bath, if you decide to give him one (not a necessity, but signals to him, I think, that Night Night is near), can take as much or as little time as you want. Often I love to feed him, let him make a mess, and then while he’s still in the high chair, run the water, so all I have to do is get him naked and drop his messy butt in the tub. HOPEFULLY by the time you decide to bathe him he’s had a nice big crap SOMETIME during the day. One is all he’s doing lately. If he hasn’t pooped by bath time, it’s possible you’ll have to dress him in pj’s and then feed him and THEN he’ll poop, and changing it after that is one of the biggest pains in the ass ever. Just saying…..hopefully he’ll have pooped by bath time. SOME days he doesn’t poop at all, (like today)but it’s rare.
Anyway, the water shouldn’t be more than half full. I squirt a couple squirts of Peter Rabbit Bath stuff which lives on the back of the toilet or the side of the tub right into the running water, and I put him in, and that’s just about it. I use the Port-o-Call Cup and pour some water over his head or squeeze some gently from a washcloth (behind the door) if he’s in a mood. He’ll act like you’re drowning him, but he’s fine. I tell him Here comes water! He’s fine. It’s not necessary to even “wash” his hair unless you just watched him smear peanut butter in it or something. Just get it wettish, scoop some suds off the top of the water and put them on his head with your hand, and then drip some clean water over him. Easy. He can just sit and splash about for a while. If you’re killing time, bath time is great….just sit on the toilet and watch him play. Don’t fret when he stands up and wants to play with the knobs…..he may even fall back sort of into the water….he’s fine. Tell him to splash splash splash and kick kick kick. Good times. He’ll let you know when he wants out, usually after about 20 minutes. Please don’t leave him alone in the bathroom for a minute…he stands up and will absolutely fall out, as he did once when he busted his lip right while I was standing there watching as I brushed my teeth. If you’re in a hurry, a five minute bath is just as good. Just grab a towel and hold it on your lap and pull him out onto your lap. Dry him off a bit there if you like, but get him to the changing table to put his diaper on asap, whether or not he’s very dry. Let him crawl around in his room with just a diaper on if you like and if you have the time to kill. You can then put on his pj’s after you’ve had a breather, if you know what I mean. His pajamas live in the second drawer of the biggest dresser in his room….they’re in the little compartment on the right with his socks. I’ll try to have the white zipper ones ready for you….they’re easiest. I find he just doesn’t sleep as well if he doesn’t have actual pj’s with feet on, but don’t fret if he ends up going to bed in something else.
After you get his pj’s on him, and if he’s not just obviously tired, I sometimes try to feed him even a little bit more, depending on how much I’d gotten in him during his dinner and how close to bedtime he’d last eaten. Usually I just try cereal with formula or chicken broth or something….just to fill him up a bit, but again, only if you think he just didn’t eat very much either all day or that night. Use your best judgment. Of course it’s nice not to have to feed him twice in one evening, but you’ll sleep better if he goes to bed full. You can offer formula if you like, either in the rocking chair or just as he lies on the floor in his room with his blanket….he’ll drink on his own if he wants it. If he clearly doesn’t want any milk, get it into the fridge asap, unless for some reason the rest of the milk needs to be dumped and the bottle washed. I like going into the night with a clean bottle somewhere, just in case I have to get up in the night, but also so that in the morning when I’m out of it I can just heat up last night’s milk and add more to make 8 ounces, or grab a clean bottle quickly.
All you need to know about his bedtime ritual is that once it’s actually his bedtime, meaning at LEAST three hours since he last woke up, (unless you can see he’s completely tired, rubbing his eyes, cranky as hell, etc.) and he’s eaten all he’ll probably eat, and he’s got a clean diaper and is in his pj’s, he’s good to go straight into the crib. You needn’t fuss over soothing him or rocking him or any of that. I’ve been reading him The Wandering Hedgehog and sometimes he’ll sit through it, but sometimes not. If he’s tired and not hungry, he’ll go to sleep in under 10 minutes once you shut his door. Make sure it’s dark in there and if it’s cold out, that the heater is on, either in his room (just push the on button once) or in the hall if you’re going to leave the door open. That’s it. No music, nothing in his crib except The Blanket and Henry. Say Night Night Henry, and close his door, and that’s it. Go smoke. You don’t even have to put the monitor on until about 10 minutes later to make sure he’s not screaming his head off. Note: Don’t forget to turn the monitor off when you go to sleep…it’s annoying to hear him crying in two different rooms. This is, of course, unless you prefer to sleep in the living room. If he’s crying longer than 10 minutes it’s likely he’s just emotional because Mike and I aren’t there. Let him cry no longer than 30 minutes though (time it if you want) before going back in. Once you do go back in (and this hasn’t happened in several weeks) he’ll be rocked to sleep fairly soon.
Hopefully all goes well, and you find that he’s all snug in his crib no later than 10. There are days, however, when nothing goes right, as I said, and all rules are out. Just wing it.
There’s really no way I can thank you enough, Mama, for doing this for us. I don’t know what we’d do if you couldn’t. Mike plans to come to your aid as soon as he can. It’s not necessary for him to sleep in the hospital with me. I’m well taken care of there, and that way he can get some sleep so he can care for Henry better. Of course we’ll play it by ear, but chances are, if there aren’t any complications, he’ll be back to relieve you within about 10 hours. Fingers crossed.
Extra Misc. Notes:
He likes to eat raisin bread, cold out of the door in the fridge, with peanut butter on it, also in the fridge door, cut up into nickel sized pieces and placed on his tray. This is a good breakfast or snack….a bit messy if it goes on too long. He can eat about 6 pieces….almost a whole piece of the bread.
There are plenty of jars of food in the bottom left of the cupboard to the right of the fridge. If a jar of food seems thin, add a teaspoon of cereal to it (in a ziplock bag either on the kitchen table or on the left side of the glass cupboard). There are 2 emergency fruit/cereal jars if you take him out to breakfast with Pop. Don’t forget a spoon and a bib (right drawer in glass cupboard thing).
Please drink the bottled water and use it for his bottles. There’s a squirt bottle near the sink that says Vinegar Water and I squirt some in each bottle I clean to sanitize.
Distraction while he’s eating can be what it takes to get him to eat. If he fills up on bread he won’t be likely to eat the things that will keep him from being hungry all night…..you know because you told me…..cheese, meat, stuff like that. There are usually string cheese things in the butter compartment of fridge. Any meat just has to be chopped up really well, and I don’t know how you’ll do it without using the mini chopper….I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Not going to chew it up for him though…I know that. J
Whenever you make him a bottle, it’s easiest to make 8 ounces. He will almost never drink that much, except for the morning one, but you can put it in the fridge and add to it later. He prefers the formula as close to room temp as possible. If there are 4 ounces in the fridge I shake it and then microwave it with the nipple off for about 8 seconds before I add more water and formula to make 8 ounces. He’s nearly off the formula though, and by the time you’ll be here he may be much closer to 1, when he’s supposed to be able to switch to whole milk. I was planning on keeping him on formula for about a month after his first birthday so that I don’t have to deal with anything strange he may go through while I have a brand new baby. Still, if you think you’d like to give him some whole ORGANIC J milk in a sippy cup, that’s fine. Rouses has it. If you’re planning to be gone from the house with him quite a bit maybe it’d be easier to do that. Just be prepared to clean some possibly bizarre and nasty diapers.
When he’s in his room with WWOZ on (just push power on the radio and you can leave it on back there any time he’s not asleep) and you’re in the chair reading (or we have wifi via Pal’s…sure your mac will work back there) or whatever, he is usually just fine to play on the floor for a while. He loves the guitar and just creeping around the room. Make sure his BLANKET is on the floor. Remember, while I’m on the subject, that his Blanket is sometimes all he needs. If he’s all fussy and you can’t soothe him, sometimes he just needs to sit on your lap with that thing and have a few moments to recoup. I always take the blanket on outings in case you’d like him to sleep in the car or you don’t know how long you’ll be gone.
Here’s a quick breakdown of how much formula he goes through in a day and at what times, just in case I’ve been vague….it’s still tricky for me to know when he wants it and how much he’s likely to drink. He’ll usually have about 8 ounces when he wakes up and then maybe up to 4 before his first nap. He likes about 6-8 sometime between when he wakes up from the first nap and goes down for the second, and he can have another 6-8 in the next 3-4 hour awake period. Also, he sometimes has 6 or so just before bed, but that’s totally determined by how much food he’s eaten for dinner. So, in a day it’s between 25-30. Who knows if he’ll be teething then or what’ll be going on, so it’s a totally rough estimate.
Henry’s insurance card is in the white bowl under the glass cabinet next to the fridge. If there’s an emergency, obviously just take him to the closest place you know. But if there’s some reason you want to take him to the doc right away, you must call his doctor first to make sure it’s ok’d. His doctor is Buras, and his number is written at the top of our calendar in the kitchen.