Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello again, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

My apologies for not putting words into you these last few days, Mr. Diary. As it turns out, I have been astonishingly busy. This election has proven to be rather more work than I had previously anticipated, and seems to get worse by the day.

Having an opinion on the events in Wisconsin has proven very taxing. This is primarily because I was not fully certain what my opinion would be until after the results were known; now that the results are known, I can say with confidence that I am fully for that thing that was decided, and I congratulate my good friend Scoot Walken for his role in that thing. The state of Wisconsin may have conspicuously flawed average tree height, but I still approve of them and of Scoot in the most generic way possible. I hear they like cheese there. I believe I also like cheese. We are much alike!

Whatever the case, I am especially satisfied with these Wisconsin results because they have national implications for my campaign. In specific, these results demonstrate that driving trailer trucks full of money into a state can, indeed, still achieve satisfactory electoral results. This is a definite relief to me, as my entire campaign strategy has revolved around the strategic placement of enormous amounts of money, and there has been recent controversy as to the possible efficacy of that approach. If the quantities of money that had been utilized in Wisconsin had not had as advantageous an effect as expected, things would have been very dire indeed.

So fear not, dear money: Your voice will definitely still be heard. I have always vowed that I would not want to live in a nation that did not treat each hundred dollar bill as a special little snowflake, easily the political and rhetorical equal of any fleshy human, but there happily seems no hint of danger that these money-Americans will be silenced in the near future.

I have also been quite busy in retooling my campaign speeches and literature in order to better reflect the requirements of the general election. I have had to spend some time supervising an ever-expanding staff of humans that we have engaged in order to tell me what my current opinions are, and how best to avoid discussing those opinions. It has come to our attention that many of our campaign talking points could be made far more generic: I feel especially sheepish about this, Mr. Diary, as I have taken great pride in my own abilities with regards to stating things as generically as possible. Alas, it seems the primaries had the unfortunate effect of letting a few less generic opinions slide into our campaign rhetoric; we intend to purge these slightly specific elements as quickly as possible.

That is all for now, Mr. Diary. Generically yours,
Mitt

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site