Good Morning Kossacks and Welcome to Morning Open Thread (MOT)We're known as the MOTley Crew and you can find us here every morning at 6:30 Eastern. Feel free to volunteer to take a day - permanently or just once in awhile. With the auto-publish feature you can set it and forget it. Sometimes the diarist du jour shows up much later, that's the beauty of Open Thread...it carries on without you! Just let us know in the comments.
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Here's a healthy dose of laughter to cap off your week. Laugh, chortle, snicker, tee-hee, giggle, yuck it up, guffaw, ha-ha, snort, but don't spew yer coffee all over the rest of us.
"Team Romney is misspelling words all over the map. They misspelled America, they misspelled the word official, they misspelled Reagan…I think we are going to find out that Mitt is actually dyslexic and his name is Tim." –Bill Maher"Gov. Rick Scott in Florida is purging the voter roles. It's so over the line that the county election supervisors are refusing to comply. And Gov. Scott said, 'Hey, we just want to remove people in Florida who are either felons, deceased, or here illegally.' Which in Florida leaves only 12 people." –Bill Maher
"The founder of USA Today recently referred to Donald Trump as a 'clown.' Even clowns were like, 'Are you kidding? That guy’s hair is ridiculous.'" –Jimmy Fallon"Mayor Bloomberg has outlawed giant cans of soda. When you outlaw stuff it creates crime. I saw a guy today walking down the street and a cop is arresting him because he's got a huge can of soda, and he said 'No, no, this is medicinal Mountain Dew.'" –David Letterman
David Letterman's "Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney"Triple Crown hopeful I'll Have Another scratched from the Belmont Stakes over leg injuries. He could now get two hundred million in stud fees. It's becoming more and more obvious that Eli and Peyton Manning are wasting their time doing autograph shows.
10. Meet other attractive Mitts in your area
9. Newt here, regarding the VP job
8. Reminder: It's been over a month since you've purchased a Cadillac
7. Confirming your 2:30, 5:30, and 9 o'clock haircuts
6. 20% off at beach-house-car-elevators.com
5. Nice slacks, bro!
4. Your Marie Osmond tickets have shipped
2. If I vote for you, can I ride your dancing horse?
1. Warning: your hacked password is about to expire
Mitt Romney is embarking Friday on a bus trip called Every Town Counts in which he'll tour Pennsylvania, Ohio and Michigan. The logistics were carefully worked out. The bus is fifteen feet high, the lowest bridge is eighteen feet high and Mitt's dog is only two feet high."The last time I did a late-night show in Chicago, my guest was an up-and-coming senator called Barack Obama. And now just six short years later, he's gone on to become a socialist Muslim from Kenya." –Conan O'Brien
Fabled broadcaster Paul Harvey ended one of his syndicated shows with this thought provoker:
A boy stood alone on the baseball field, engrossed in hitting fungos. (Fungos are when a batter tosses a ball in the air with one hand, firmly grasp the bat with both hands, and swings to hit the ball as it comes down.) But each time, the ball plopped to the ground right in front of him.
Undaunted, the little fellow would again pick up the ball and toss it in the air. Again he would take a mighty swing, and again the baseball would thud to the ground.
A man who had been watching this sad exhibition had to speak up. “Not having much luck, are you, little man?”
“What do you mean?” the boy asked.
“Well, I’ve been watching you for 15 minutes, and you haven’t hit one ball.”
“Shows how good I am!” the boy snapped back with a wide grin. “I’m a pitcher!”