Here we are in an election year. A major, serious, important election year (what year isn't?). We're just a couple of months away from national Party conventions, the ads are already running for everything from Dog Catcher to ads by an Animal-Abuser-In-Chief wannabe, and the tension is steadily increasing. Along with all of this, the tension will steadily rise here on Daily Kos, and we'll see an increase in something else: trolls.
What to do about trolls? In past seasons, some have advocated a draconian "zero tolerance" policy for trolls. Others have advocated for a "zero tolerance" policy for dissent of any kind. Hey, I was around in 2008. Check my comment and diary history from that year and you'll find I kept my mouth firmly shut. Not this year though. This year I have too many yummy recipes to share to stay out of the fray.
In March of 2011 I wrote a diary called This is a Troll Diary! in which I lamented the waning of the practice of posting recipes and pootie pics in response to trollish diaries and comments. So, in the spirit of a rich tradition here in the Daily Kos online community, here are some great troll responses in the culinary vein to get us warmed up for the very hot kitchen which will be the rest of 2012:
Follow me over the orange meringue drop cookie from the 1964 edition of the Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cooking for more...
Recipes for Concern Trolls, Minor Trolls, and Drunkbloggers:
These are the nicest recipes, ones you might actually make and which others who are romping in the comments are likely to print out and actually use.
Stuffed Pork Chops with Apricot Glaze and Haricots Verts
For two:
2 thick centre-cut boneless pork chops, butterflied and seasoned inside and out with salt and pepper.
Cornbread
1 slice wheat bread, white or whole wheat (but not multi-grain)
1/4 to 1/2 strong yellow onion, diced.
1 medium celery stalk, diced.
1/2 sweet fresh apple, diced.
Two large mushrooms, diced.
Butter.
2 tablespoons diced fresh parsley, or more to taste.
1/2 tablespoon dried marjoram, or more to taste.
1 egg
1 tablespoon sherry or Madeira.
Apricot jam.
Salt and pepper.
Take two good-sized pieces of cornbread and crumble them in a pie pan and add one slice bread, diced. Leave this out on the counter overnight, uncovered and away from pooties, woozles, birdeez, and spouses/SO's/kiddos. The next day, place the bread in a deep bowl. Combine diced onion and celery and saute briefly in butter but not enough to wilt it completely. Use about two to three tablespoons, enough to have plenty of butter in the pan at the end. Add this, along with the butter, to the bowl. Add diced mushrooms and apple, herbs, and season with salt and pepper. Add egg to bind, along with wine and mix well. Set aside.
Take butterflied and seasoned pork chops and brown in the pan you used to saute the aromatic vegetables. Add a little oil to make sure they don't burn. When browned, remove to cutting board and allow to cool until they can be handled. Stuff with cornbread dressing, leaving a little room for expansion during cooking. Place on broiling pan or rack and tent with aluminum foil. Place left-over stuffing in an oven-safe dish and cook both in a 375 degree oven for about 20 minutes.
After 20 minutes, remove the foil and brush liberally with apricot jam which has been melted over low heat. Increase heat to 425. After three minutes, brush again, cooking another three minutes or so. Remove chops and extra dressing. Allow to rest for about 2 minutes. Plate and serve with
Haricots Verts with Almonds and White Truffle Oil
Take off the ends of the haricots verts and wash and drain in colander. Meanwhile, lightly toast some sliced or slivered almonds in a dry skillet over medium heat until they just begin to darken a bit and become aromatic. Remove from skillet to a small bowl. Place haricots in the skillet with about 1/4 cup of water and steam over medium-high heat for about five minutes (after water boils). Drain water, season with salt and pepper, and add almonds, a little butter, and a drizzle of white truffle olive oil. Toss and serve immediately with stuffed pork chops with extra stuffing on the side if desired.
Recipes For CT, Disruptive, and Red-State Trolls
Here are some recipes that say "f*ck off" with a smile:
Great Balls of Fire
This recipe is especially effective in countering Michigan Republican trolls.
Beef or sheep's testicles, soaked and blanched, membranes and vas diferens removed.
Beef stock
Butter
Salt and pepper
Parsley
Tabasco sauce
Clean and prepare testicles. Simmer in beef stock for about 5 minutes and allow to cool, removed from heat in the liquid. Season with salt and pepper and place in an ovenproof baking pan. Dot with butter and season very liberally with Tabasco sauce, about 1/2 bottle. Cook at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes. Serve like escargot, in an escargot crock with individual little indentations and spoon butter and Tabasco and juices over each testicle and garnish with chopped parsley. This is good with a hot, crisp baguette and plenty of cold lager beer to cut the heat.
Fried Brains
Take two beef brains and wash well then soak in ice water for half an hour. Because brains are fragile, handle very gently and peel off the membrane. Place in a deep pan and cover with water, adding about 1 tablespoon of lemon juice, a teaspoon of salt, one garlic clove, a piece of onion, some peppercorns, parsley and the leafy top of a stalk of parsley. Over slow heat, bring this to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer very gently for about 15 minutes. Remove immediately and plunge into a bowl filled with ice water. Drain, dry and cover with waxed paper and place a heavy plate on top. Chill for at least two hours.
When the brains are chilled cut into thick slices. Dip in flour seasoned with salt and pepper, run through an egg wash and then dip in fresh bread crumbs. Fry in two inches of fat (lard is best) heated to 375 degrees until golden brown. Garnish with parsley and serve with a crisp, simple green salad dressed with white balsamic vinegar and olive oil.
A Classic Recipe For The Five-Star Trolls
This isn't original to me, but it's a Daily Kos old standby:
Kitty Litter Cake
Ingredients
1 (18.25 ounce) package German chocolate cake mix
1 (18.25 ounce) package white cake mix
2 (3.5 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix
1 (12 ounce) package vanilla sandwich cookies
3 drops green food coloring
1 (12 ounce) package tootsie rolls
Directions
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to package directions (any size pan).
Prepare pudding according to package directions and chill until ready to assemble.
Crumble sandwich cookies in small batches in a food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup add a few drops of green food coloring and mix.
When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with 1/2 of the remaining cookie crumbs, and the chilled pudding. You probably won't need all of the pudding, you want the cake to be just moist, not soggy.
Line kitty litter box with the kitty litter liner. Put cake mixture into box.
Put half of the unwrapped tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until softened. Shape the ends so that they are no longer blunt, and curve the tootsie rolls slightly. Bury tootsie rolls randomly in the cake and sprinkle with half of the remaining cookie crumbs. Sprinkle a small amount of the green colored cookie crumbs lightly over the top.
Heat 3 or 4 of the tootsie rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle lightly with some of the green cookie crumbs. Heat the remaining tootsie rolls until pliable and shape as before. Spread all but one randomly over top of cake mixture. Sprinkle with any remaining cookie crumbs. Hang the remaining tootsie roll over side of litter box and sprinkle with a few green cookie crumbs. Serve with the pooper scooper for a gross Halloween dessert.
(hat tip to allrecipes.com)
So, what are YOU feeding the trolls this election year? Do tell, and don't forget: recycle that tin foil!