Governor Martin O'Malley, (D Maryland) joked that his Republican colleagues in the red states across the country are probably thinking of seceding from the Union in response to yesterday's Supreme Court ruling on healthcare.
I realize that Governor O'Malley was attempting to inject a little levity into a sticky situation, but I feel that I must say to the Governor, show a little restraint sir, this is no joking matter!!! It's not fair to get a girl's hopes up and then say "just kidding".
I know I join quite a few other people who live in, how shall I put it, oh yeah, the saner states, in wondering why we care so much about keeping the Union together. Clearly the red states believe the rest of us are freedom-hating, abortion-loving, anti-religion, Europe-worshipping, Constitution-bashing, immigrant-enabling, Communist elitists, with whom they no longer wish to be associated. I say, give them what they want and set them free. I would certainly be much happier if I never had to listen to Texas Congressman, Louie Gohmert make another speech from the floor of the House.
Think of what it would mean to never have to worry about senators from states like Oklahoma, Mississippi, Texas, Alabama, Kansas or Georgia filibustering raising the minimum wage or extending unemployment. Imagine public discourse that actually contained facts and knowledge. And just look at all the money we'd save not having to provide federal assistance to these states that consistently suffer natural disasters and tend to be more impovershed. When you think about it, it seems almost cruel to ask them to take funding from a government they despise.
I suppose some would argue that women, senior citizens, children and the poor who live in the states that secede would all be in dire straits if they were to be cut off from the part of the Union that actually has feelings and a conscience. It's a dilemna I admit, but perhaps we can work out some kind of immigrant exchange program. We'll take your needy if you take our right-wing conservative nut jobs.
It's time that the red states got to live their version of the American dream: no taxes, no restrictions on fire-arms, no sex education in schools or access to abortion, no regulations in the work place, on air, water or food, religious prayer everywhere you look, fetal and corporate personhood, the privitization of schools, prisons and parks, the elimination of aid to education, arts and science and best of all, their own national Global Warming is a Myth Museum.
I get that we once fought a Civil War to keep our nation whole, but I think we can all agree, the experiment that resulted simply isn't working. The only thing we now have binding us together is our shared sense of impotent rage at the other side. The Republican primary alone should be enough to convince the country that we not only need to let the red states secede, we should be encouraging them to do it. They can set up their Capitol at the Alamo, draft their own Constitution as envisioned by Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin and make FOX News their official government media outlet.
We can go to the beach on Maui, listen to Bruce Springsteen and the Dixie Chicks on our Ipods, and pretend that the Tea Party was an LSD induced hallucination. It's a win-win for everybody.