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It's been a few weeks since our last installment, and flaws have been piling up at an alarming rate. As the summer wears on, even Mitt's staunchest defenders find themselves succumbing to a draining mix of boredom, despair, resignation, and self-loathing. How, they wonder, could it have come to this? Someone should have said something... done something. It's too late now... or is it?

Your intrepid diarist is surely not the only person secretly hoping that the Tampa convention erupts into a bench-clearing brawl when the air conditioning fails, tempers flare, Ron Paul triggers a floor fight, and Romney has a spectacular emotional and software meltdown. Rising from the ashes of this longed-for debacle: a new presidential nominee.

As we await this change in our fortunes, here is your latest update on the Innumerable Flaws of Mitt. As always, since this is a village-sized job, feel free to add your own Mitt flaws in the comments - extra credit for rhyming!

A is for Ann whose remarks make us retch
It just isn't polite for rich people to kvetch

B's still for Bain; Mitt's still joined at the hip
Loading ingots of gold from the SS Bain ship

C for the Caymans: what lurks in their vaults?
And what will Mittens do when the trading all halts?

D for the dogs that lived lives far too short
For if dogs could get lawyers, they'd see Mitt in court

E for elections, a terrible waste
Could I just BUY those votes? Mitt exclaims with distaste

F is for Fehrnstrom who's made one more gaffe
Mitt likes firing folks; is this Eric's last laugh?

G is for George, Mittens' long-maligned dad
If he saw how Mitt's turned out, he'd be very sad

H for the horse far too lame to be raced
It was drugged up for sale in Ann's cash-grabbing haste

I is for illnesses, ailments, and woes
Pre-existing conditions? Mitt says: "Yeah, that blows..."

J for July when the temperatures rise
And the sweat on Mitt's brow will be hard to disguise

K for kleptocracy, winner take all
Please remember this! Make sure your vote counts this fall!

L, labor unions Mitt wants to wipe out
Will they show up ensuring a big Romney rout?

M for the money that flows through his vein
Rolling in every day from those deals made at Bain

N, nomination: Mittens says "It's my turn"
But it's "anyone else" for whom GOPasaurs yearn

O for offshore, far from IRS' reach
Where Mitt visits his money, bypassing the beach

P for Pew Poll that shows Mitt's just a bore
What an obvious fact; can they say something more?

Q for the questions on Mitt's ties with Bain
Will the answers torpedo poor Mittens' campaign?

R for John Roberts who broke with the Right
He is now on the list of the folks Mitt would smite

S for Scalia; that's Mitt's kind of judge
"Just like me, he's a guy who can carry a grudge!"

T for those taxes: we're still waiting, Mitt
We suspect you're not paying, you crass piece of sh*t

U, unemployment: Mitt hopes it stays high
And if Bain can help out, well, it's sure worth a try

V is for vetting; who will be Mitt's choice?
Will the base groan in anguish or loudly rejoice?

W, weltschmerz; campaigning is rough!
Is it only July? Mitt's had more than enough.

X for extensions on taxes: why not?
I'm the fabulous Mitt! I will never be caught!

Y is for yellow; a cowardly hue
Like the chicken-hawk Mitt who would sacrifice you

Z is for zzzzzz, what we feel when we hear
Mitt go blathering on for what seems like a year

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 01:09 PM PDT.

Also republished by Indigo Kalliope, DKOMA, and Community Spotlight.


When things go from bad to worse, what's next for Mitt?

7%4 votes
1%1 votes
5%3 votes
1%1 votes
0%0 votes
3%2 votes
0%0 votes
8%5 votes
16%9 votes
3%2 votes
8%5 votes
16%9 votes
16%9 votes
10%6 votes

| 56 votes | Vote | Results

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Comment Preferences

  •  Privilege of first Tip? Moi. (8+ / 0-)

    We are honored to read your 52-line poems, dear cassandracarolina.

    "... ingots of gold from the SS Bain ship." That is well said.

    Thanks again!

    •  Merci/danke/thanks 2thanks! (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      hannah, 2thanks, mrsgoo, weck, bontemps2012

      So many flaws, so little time. Reducing them to little poetical pellets seems to be the only way to cover them on a real-time basis!

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 01:32:51 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  However... "B" is for Beaulac at Rue de la Poste (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        Where N524's Left Turn lane found Mitt going lost.
        - - - - - - - - - - - - -

        Mitt says that N524 is a two-lane roadway. Generally true, but not where he hit the Mercedes 180 head-on.  At the Beaulac post office N524 adds a third lane, which the aggressive young missionary missed completely. Mrs. Leola Anderson did not have a seat belt -- sixth person in a five-passenger Citroen DS -- so tragically she was killed. (Concrete trtaffic separators have been added, after 1968, which eliminates repetition of Mr. Romney's error. There's a good size blue-and-white sign as well.)

        The other driver was Bishop Jean Vilnet, born in 1922, who spoke with Andre Salarnier  in the Bazas hospital. He is 90 years old today and he is known by tens of thousands. In 2014 we will have been a priest for 70 years.

        That is him at Bazas. Full name: Bishop Jean-Félix-Albert-Marie Vilnet.

        Romney's "Team Lying" story has this other driver an imaginary "drunk priest" "Albert Marie" said (to get one detail correct) to be "46 years old." A hoard of liars are out polluting the Internet as this is typed with a version of the false-witness tale that these Romney followers sold to Michael Kranish and Scott Helman for their biography titled "The Real Romney."

        The false-witness tale comes across as a reflection of the real Romney. He wanted badly not to be the one who embarrassed his father's presidential campaign. He wanted already to be President of the United States.

        I have no spur
        To prick the sides of my intent, but only
        Vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself,
        And falls on th'other. . . .

        Macbeth Act 1, scene 7. 25–28

        The line "Il est mort" was written into his passport and the American Ambassador, Sargent Shriver, visited him in hospital -- after which a referral to national police for investigation never occurred.

        This tale of the "drunk priest" "Albert Marie" has been repeated to LDS officials, the Anderson family and his own, and to missionaries for decades. He is a hero for having survived such a terrible onslaught from a drunken Catholic priest. He simply must have been meant for greatness... so it goes.

        Prayers will be said and candles will be lit for Mrs. Leola Seeley Anderson for as long as her death is within living memory. We will see as well that Miss Mary Jo Kopechne is remembered alongside her.  Careless political men kill humans by the millions, yet the deaths of these two women are unique. Their souls recall us to openness and transparency and possibly to driving more carefully. They died from carelessness.

        •  Is this true? I googled it, (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:

          and I wish I could say I found this substantiated with police records, a statement from the Bishop himself, or something really concrete.

          It's not that I don't believe it could be true - I think it just needs more research/evidence.  The slander and coverup is a pretty big accusation - a big deal if it is proven to be true!!

          Google turned up your diary on the subject - how did you get turned on to this information?

  •  So fun to read! Thank You. I loved T. (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, 2thanks, weck

    if a habitat is flooded, the improvement for target fishes increases by an infinite percentage...because a habitat suitability index that is even a tiny fraction of 1 is still infinitely higher than zero, which is the suitability of dry land to fishes.

    by mrsgoo on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 02:25:05 PM PDT

    •  Thanks, mrsgoo... so many choices (6+ / 0-)

      T is for tedious; oh, what a bore
      GOP leaders cry "we deserve something more!"
      But they've now made their bed, and must lie there and weep
      For they're stuck with this pandering, tedious creep.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 02:45:59 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Liked the original better. But I'm quite the crass (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        low class slut!

        if a habitat is flooded, the improvement for target fishes increases by an infinite percentage...because a habitat suitability index that is even a tiny fraction of 1 is still infinitely higher than zero, which is the suitability of dry land to fishes.

        by mrsgoo on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 08:11:06 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  My contributions: (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, 2thanks, matrix, weck

    B is for "Bainsizing"; that word's in quotes
    It surely will cost Romney millions of votes.

    P is for penalty; is it a tax?
    Or maybe it's not; Mitt can't cover his tracks.

    Remember, it's always wrong to generalize.

    by brae70 on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 03:36:17 PM PDT

  •  What's next for Mitt? Let's see... (13+ / 0-)

    Ann will keep yapping her clueless retorts;
    Bain will continue to twist up Mitt's shorts.
    Critics will criticize Mitt's hidden stashes,
    Dollars to donuts, they'll soon find new caches.
    Etching and sketching will go on some more;
    Fatheaded media types will ignore
    Gross lying and BS from Mitt, as before;
    Hispanic support will sink into the floor.
    Indies will look upon Mitt as a joke;
    Jokes will say, "Don't confuse US with that moke!"
    Kristol the Younger will shake his head sadly,
    LDS members will still cheer him madly!
    Million- and Billionaires still will write checks;
    Nominee woes will continue to vex.
    Out of the blue, some chum will reveal
    Pre-schooler Mitt was already a heel!
    "Quel horreur!" all the Daily Kos bloggers will shout.
    Right wingers will say, "what's the big fuss about?"
    Stuporous stodge will still bore us to tears,
    Till Tampa, when Mitt accepts 'mid half-assed cheers.
    Under festoons of red white and blue,
    Vice Presidential dreams will (briefly) come true
    Who will Mitt choose? Well, here's what I know:
    "X" the VP nom will be a big schmoe:
    Yesterday's man bearing yesterday's banner
    & Zat's all for now, folks. It's time for dinner.

    •  Holy guacamole! What a great comment! (7+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      brae70, revbludge, 2thanks, laurnj, weck, Matt Z, signals

      There's no commenter here like revbludge
      Who can cut through the Mitt Romney sludge
      Finding just the key news
      From Mitt's sad campaign blues
      That his staffers just cannot begrudge.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 04:36:57 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thanks a bundle, Bard. (5+ / 0-)

        With all this talent here on Deekos...why, we could, no, we oughta...PUT ON A BROADWAY SHOW!!!

        Any ideas for a title?

        •  Broadway show, eh...? (6+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          2thanks, revbludge, laurnj, weck, Matt Z, signals

          I can see Mitt starring in "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying" (or caring, actually).

          Or "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Tampa".

          Or a new version of "Evita" with Ann Romney singing "Don't Cry For Me, Massachusetts".

          Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

          by cassandracarolina on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 06:46:18 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Caymans? (6+ / 0-)

            The Romney Horror Picture Show?

            I've got it: a musical about Young Mitt's school daze, called The Student Prick. (Which could also be called Hairspree.)

            Act I Scene 1. Setting: Beefbrook Academy, a high-toned preparatory school for the young gentry.

            Enter Mitt Romney, with his boon companions Chumley Baubles and Biff Breivik, singing their school song:

                Dear old Beefbrook, here we raise
                Songs to thee of hearty praise!
                We your scions ever true,
                One percenters through and through.
                Tho' we doze through all our classes,
                We shall rule the greasy masses.

            Mitt: Oh, look, here comes beloved old Professor Purblind...Watch this, men. Oh, professor! Let me assist you! (snicker)

            Professor Purblind: (taking his arm) Thank you, young man, you're a gentleman and a sch--OW! (walks bang into an oaken door, breaking his nose)

            (The Boys convulse with laughter, pounding Mitt on the back.)
            Baubles: Gasp! Romney you are the SHIT!
            Breivik: That was BOSS! Oh no, here comes that dorky kid with the long hair!
            Mitt: His hair is just wrong. Gimme those scissors.


    •  Unfortunately, I am not omnikossiant, so (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cassandracarolina, revbludge, weck, Matt Z

      I did not see revbludge's comment until after 10 pm, so
      it is too late for Top Comments, so
      I am going to have sadness, so
      I am going to nominate this to Top Comments tomorrow, and
      I hope they will allow me an exemption for somethingorother.  

      Top Comments of 2thanks Award hereby given!

      ps, sorry about the bainsizing, dear cassandracarolina.

  •  My favorites were "H" and "ZZZZZZ"! (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, mrsgoo, laurnj, weck, Matt Z

    And to all a good night!


    I would tip you, but the man took away my tips.

    by Tortmaster on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 07:10:47 PM PDT

  •  WOW Cassis (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, weck, ulookarmless

    you're firing on all cylinders tonight!

    “that our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions, any more than our opinions in physics or geometry.” Thomas Jefferson

    by markdd on Thu Jul 05, 2012 at 10:41:59 PM PDT

  •  Great diary cassandracarolina nt (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, weck, ulookarmless

    I love me peektures and that is that! Cheerleaders till 2016

    by matrix on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 01:36:04 AM PDT

  •  I seem to be stuck in a time warp. Something (5+ / 0-)

    about Mitt reminds me of a couple of characters from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.  Mitt seems to think of himself as Dudley Do-Right but I think he is Snidely Whiplash (except for the moustache).  He certainly has all of Snidely's character traits.

    "By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed." Adolf Hitler

    by pittie70 on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 05:29:36 AM PDT

    •  You are fine... It's Mitt who is stuck (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      weck, pittie70, Matt Z, ulookarmless

      in the time warp. I say we leave him there, or send him back a few centuries just to be on the safe side. I'd love to see him having to hunt for and gather his own food, build his own shelter, fend off marauders, all without having "people" to do those things for him.

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 06:15:43 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Romney's our man (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Romney's our man
    Or maybe he ain't
    He is, no he isn't
    Or maybe the taint

    Of poor Seamus' shit
    On his family car
    Will cling to ole Mitt
    Like sticky black tar

    The bane of his life
    As the business Bane
    Ever the cause of strife.
    Causes him more pain

    Or maybe not
    We are right
    Behind you
    We think



    Some people make you want to change species

    by ulookarmless on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 03:28:42 PM PDT

    •  Very nice, ulookarmless (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      Mitt leaves all of us asking, "what gives? What the hell?"
      Will the voters embrace him? Perhaps time will tell
      I only know I won't forgive him; no way!
      For his sins against Seamus he'll pay and he'll pay,

      Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. -- Woody Allen

      by cassandracarolina on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 05:45:51 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  a couple of things (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    When you change many opinions, not just one or two
    always make sure there are no recordings of you.

    Your problems, Willard are larger than one verse
    and your lies and your flip-flops keep making it worse

    Bain capital made you rich, along with a bunch of chinese
    could you admit you ruined lives here for once, if you please

    It would never happen because with anything about you
    if you want it to change, you just make the lies true.

    Romneycare is Obamacare with a some changes for few
    but you're against your own bill that is named after you

    I really mean this Willard, I hope you lose BIG
    and you and your family get in a hole and just dig and dig and dig.

    And finally one more and this is for the poor dog
    I'd like you on a car roof for a day when you need to dump a log.

    "My Momma always taught me to play by the rules, and if you don't that's called cheatin'." - Donna Brazile

    by jjmn on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 07:43:32 PM PDT

  •  that poetry thing is contagious: (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    W's for "What": … what I meant … what I said …
    ... Whatever sounds better in Whoever's head ...

    Mitt Romney has no idea what he stands for. Do you?

    by Says Who on Fri Jul 06, 2012 at 07:46:38 PM PDT

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